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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is NOT high maintenance

308 replies

Highorlow · 19/12/2018 10:09

NC For this...Went out for dinner and drinks last night with friends. And as we’re sitting chatting, friend A asks have I had my lashes done)? Me...yes I got extensions for the Christmas period (as I usually do) , conversation leads on to a full scale what else have you done then??then me saying that I usually get my lashes, hair and nails done at Christmas. Hair I usually get styled 3-4 times a year. Nails I get done quite often (every 3 weeks) and lashes for Christmas, holidays and weddings etc. thought it was fairly normal and that she does the same pretty much?? Friend B states that she hasn’t done it much since kids, friend A agreed and says I must be high maintenance whilst laughing. (I most certainly am not) it’s just something I do at certain times of the year to chivvy myself up. I have two kids so I feel I’m allowed to look after myself. AIBU to think this is not high maintenance??

OP posts:
NamedyChangedy · 19/12/2018 12:17

There's no right answer to this, everyone has their own idea of what 'high maintenance' means. I personally don't do any of those things (cut my hair myself), but I don't begrudge anyone who does. But it sounds like it was a jokey comment that you shouldn't worry too much about - some people would take it as a compliment.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 19/12/2018 12:23

It's not a compliment, is it.
She's basically trying to make out that you're hard work in some way - although I agree that "high maintenance" usually means someone who needs a lot of attention on them, rather than someone who does a lot in terms of beautification etc.

Either way, she didn't need to say it and I can see why you're hurt.

As far as your routine goes, it's far far more than I would do but that's because I'm a lazy arse who just can't be bothered with any of it - never had my nails done, get my hair cut 2 or 3 times a year (whether it needs it or not Wink) and never have spray tans or anything much else. I don't wear make up except on a night out, and gave up getting my eyelashes tinted after the 4th time of getting peroxide in my eyes (yes, it took 4 goes!)

I also don't see that it's any of her business what you choose to do and she's not much of a friend to have made that derogatory comment to you.

GabsAlot · 19/12/2018 12:36

theyre jealous-im not hm and have my nails done once a month or i bit them down

my dsis has her hair done once a month my other dsis who mjight be a hm has her nails done once a month hair about twice a year

museumum · 19/12/2018 12:39

It's so relative. I once had my brows threaded in superdrug and two friends i met on my way out thought that was crazy indulgence Grin

Haircuts are the only thing I have regularly. I have been known to have a brow thread occasionally and gel toes for summer holidays but that's all.

However, the beauty industry likes to make it seem 'normal' or 'expected' that everyone would have professional waxing, nails, brows/lashes, tans at all times. It keeps them in business afterall.

NamedyChangedy · 19/12/2018 12:40

One of my closest friends is very into beauty and has nails, eyelashes, eyebrows and hair done regularly, as well as Botox and fillers every few months. She herself jokes about being high maintenance, and is quite proud of it as looking that way is part of her identity. She can afford it and isn't hurting anyone. So it's not always meant in a negative sense.

Chapterandverse · 19/12/2018 12:42

Not high maintenance at all.

I get my nails done every 3 weeks, highlights every 6/8 weeks.

I don't get lashes because I can't stand my eyes to be touched but I do get eyebrows waxed regularly.

There's a training academy near my house where they do hair and make up for £20. I think this is a bargain and often go there on a Saturday so am ready for a night out!!

I wouldn't be bothered doing my own hair and make up when it's only £20 to get pampered and a cuppa!!

3timeslucky · 19/12/2018 12:43

Well it kind of is high maintenance in that you get it done repeatedly - so you get your nails done every 3 weeks; I get mine done never so your nails are definitely getting more maintenance than mine. Similarly with your lashes. You get your hair styled 3-4 times a year and I get mine cut every 6-8 weeks. So my hair cut is more high maintenance than yours.

There are probably people getting their nails done every week and getting their hair cut more frequently. It is all relative.

Is one approach better than the other? No. But is it ok for the low maintenance to be baffled at the time and money spent on maintenance? Yep. And is it ok for the high maintenance to not understand why anyone would leave their nails, eyebrows, hair colour "au naturel"? Course it is. You can't really expect everyone to have or advocate the same grooming regime that you've opted for.

WishIwas19again · 19/12/2018 12:47

I wonder if they meant the process you had to go through to do those procedures sounds high maintenance, rather than that you yourself are? I agree the phrase is normally meant in an unpleasant way but I've only heard it in the context of being high maintenance in what you demand from other people or need a lot of attention, rather than what beauty products you opt for?

Ethel36 · 19/12/2018 12:51

I have my hair high lighted and eye lashes/brows tinted and shaped every 12 weeks. Thats normal for me. I used to have my nails done too but can't afford it at the moment. Lash extensions look fabulous by the way. Enjoy your treatments, you can afford it so why not.

Theducksarenotmyfriends · 19/12/2018 13:05

It probably is quite normal but is definitely not normal for me and most of the people I know. So seems v v high maintenance to me but that's because I'm very lazy when it comes to that sort of thing. I might sometimes, maybe, wear a bit of make-up couple times a year, cut my own hair, wear clothes until they literally fall apart but apparently carry it all off quite well 😉

Girlofgold · 19/12/2018 13:12

To me it says self care and organisation skills. 😊. I colour and cut my hair every 8 weeks. Facial, eyebrows and toe nails every 3 weeks. I look low key but i like the pampering.

OutPinked · 19/12/2018 13:14

You’re taking a throwaway comment far too personally. Does it really matter if you are high maintenance anyway? But no, I wouldn’t consider that to be high maintenance. My cousin has a fake tan, lashes and nails done weekly...

knittedjest · 19/12/2018 13:15

I have a high maintenance beauty routine. I don't even wash my own hair any more if I can help it (hate doing it with a passion), I get it washed at a salon twice a week. I also get weekly facials and massages, fortnightly nails, and waxing and laser as needed. It's not an insult to call that high maintenance because it is. It takes a lot of time to do that.

PumpkinKitty82 · 19/12/2018 13:23

Sounds pretty high maintenance to me but I rarely get my nails done as I paint them myself , I get my hair cut twice a year and I couldn’t even be arsed to get lashes done as that’s why I buy mascara.
There are not enough hours in the day !

pissedonatrain · 19/12/2018 13:25

Pretty mean and bitchy to ask you about the things you had done like she was actually interested, and then slag you off after you told her.

Mag1cMarket · 19/12/2018 13:26

I would rather spend my hard earned money on something else. It is your choice

BeefTomato · 19/12/2018 13:45

I think it's all relative. I think I probably spend a similar amount of time on beauty stuff - I do my own roots every few months, Have my eyebrows tinted and threaded regularly and always have make up and nail varnish on.

I probably spend less than you because I do it myself, but if I had more money I would definitely have my hair cut and coloured regularly and probably do waxing and facials too.

I think your friend was being mean, it's like she asked you the details of your beauty regime in order to criticise it.

primoestate · 19/12/2018 13:46

I do the lot. Think it's necessary, especially now I'm late 50's. I do wear minimal makeup but I like to look groomed with glossy hair. It makes me feel confident and happy......and there's nothing wrong with that.
Do what makes you feel good. HM is, in this case, a compliment.
OP, own it!!! Thanks

cookingonwine · 19/12/2018 13:51

I guess you don't have young children...? How do you find the time?

If you can afford it, why not?

OohBabyBabeh · 19/12/2018 13:55

Not at all. That's very normal where I'm from. I usually (just had baby so not atm) have 2 sunbeds a week, nails every 3 weeks, lashes every 4 weeks, hair colour every 2 months, hair extensions every 3 months, lip fillers every 6 months and eyebrow tattooing every 6 months. Wish I could return to my routine but statutory mat pay doesn't allow all that I'm afraid! Grin

OohBabyBabeh · 19/12/2018 13:56

Oh and i teeth whiten every few weeks (when I feel like it)

Poloshot · 19/12/2018 13:56

Reading a bit much into it imo

Original poster
Highorlow · 19/12/2018 14:00

@cookingonwine yes I gave two children who are 5 and 3 😆

OP posts:
Original poster
Highorlow · 19/12/2018 14:03

*have

OP posts:
Allthewaves · 19/12/2018 14:07

Massive overthink. Your friend gently teased u as she considered it higher maintenance than her routine.