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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is NOT high maintenance

308 replies

Highorlow · 19/12/2018 10:09

NC For this...Went out for dinner and drinks last night with friends. And as we’re sitting chatting, friend A asks have I had my lashes done)? Me...yes I got extensions for the Christmas period (as I usually do) , conversation leads on to a full scale what else have you done then??then me saying that I usually get my lashes, hair and nails done at Christmas. Hair I usually get styled 3-4 times a year. Nails I get done quite often (every 3 weeks) and lashes for Christmas, holidays and weddings etc. thought it was fairly normal and that she does the same pretty much?? Friend B states that she hasn’t done it much since kids, friend A agreed and says I must be high maintenance whilst laughing. (I most certainly am not) it’s just something I do at certain times of the year to chivvy myself up. I have two kids so I feel I’m allowed to look after myself. AIBU to think this is not high maintenance??

OP posts:
DioVelazquez · 19/12/2018 11:37

Clearly the responses to the thread show that it is all relative.

Relative to your two friends, you do more, so one of them made an off-the-cuff "jokey" comment about it.

I think the bigger issue is why that affected you so much, tbh.

SleepySofa · 19/12/2018 11:39

But who cares if you are or aren’t high maintenance?! If you can afford it and are happy to have it done, and it makes you feel good, don’t change for other people’s opinions. Ditto if you get your hair done once in a blue moon, bite your nails and don’t wear make up.

Original poster
Highorlow · 19/12/2018 11:40

@Diovalazquez I think maybe just because I didn’t expect it!

OP posts:
Fashionista101 · 19/12/2018 11:40

@Shamalamalam same! Lost full on chunks of lashes and had to wear strip ones just to hide it! I don't think she was very who did them but it's put me off for life now! Even if I do love the look/idea of having them!

RandomObject · 19/12/2018 11:42

I'd see their specific comments as a bit one-uppity to be honest. Implying that you spend your time and money on frivolous things while they focus on the 'important' stuff.

Just keep doing your thing and feel good about it. I absolutely love when I get my nails and brows done.

HollowTalk · 19/12/2018 11:42

I've always thought high maintenance meant woman who demanded lots of attention and wanted to be the sole focus of their partner's lives, jealous of friendships and family etc...

This is what it means. It means people who are hard work.

PoorMansPeppaPig · 19/12/2018 11:45

I don't think its particularly high maintenance at all!

I'm 30 and I wear make-up every day (I don't really leave the house without it ever!), get my hair highlighted and cut every 8 weeks, eyebrows waxed and tinted every 4 weeks (though admittedly I've not had it done for past 2 months due to other commitments) and I do my own gel nails at home every 2 weeks. A small handful of friends also have eyelash extensions as a matter of course every month or so - I don't do this as it's expensive and also involves too much time at the salon which I just don't have! I do go for an eyelash perm once in a while though to lift my own natural lashes - they look fab when I have it done, but again - 45 mins at the salon is a bit of a PITA when I work FT and have a 2 yr old to care for too.

Long story short - just ignore the comments. People have different ways of doing things and what's the norm for some isn't the same for others.

kmc1111 · 19/12/2018 11:47

High maintenance isn’t about how much you have done. High maintenance is someone who would chuck a fit if they couldn’t afford that stuff one month, or who would make a drama of going out without their hair done or whatever. It’s also implies someone else is doing the maintaining, whether that means paying for things or dealing with the emotional fallout.

It’s a rude comment, and it’s meant to be.

RedSkyLastNight · 19/12/2018 11:48

Hopefully this thread has opened your eyes to what actually is "normal"?

Actually I remember having a similar conversation with a friend of a friend.
She had her hair done every 6 weeks; her legs,bikini line and arms waxed every couple of months, nails and eyebrows every couple of weeks.
She thought this was normal; I made a remark along the lines of it being a lot. Based on this thread I now see that she may have found this a negative comment.

I actually think it's quite good for people to have their perceptions challenged. If you're happy with that level of personal grooming, then there's no problem. If you're doing it "because everyone does", then maybe you need to think why this is?

mindutopia · 19/12/2018 11:48

Well, it would feel pretty high maintenance to me. I've had my hair styled for formal occasions (like my wedding and a few black tie events) and similarly probably had my nails done about once or twice (a spa day with my MOH and for my wedding). I have never (and would never) get anything done to my lashes. So I'm a little bit Hmm at people who can be bothered with all that. But like someone said, it's really all about what you need to do to take some time out for yourself. I would hate all that and find organising it stressful. But I enjoy a spa day (minus all the nails and waxing, etc.) and I enjoy someone taking my kids so I can sit and drink wine in peace and I enjoy traveling. I'm sure there are people who think a weekend away leaving the kids at home with dh is 'high maintenance' so to each their own.

AnOtherNomdePlume · 19/12/2018 11:48

But people seem to be using it in both ways.

Without being there it's hard to say how the comment was intended.

Lweji · 19/12/2018 11:50

It's not something I'd do, but I don't think it's high maintenance.

But nails with gel, or fake nails, always look different from natural nails.

Knittink · 19/12/2018 11:52

It's all relative. That would be high maintenance for me, but it's hardly extreme! I wear make-up every day, but the only thing I 'have done' by another person is a hair cut (and that pretty infrequently). I'm really not a fan of the look of gel nails at all, and I can paint them perfectly well with normal varnish myself but rarely do.

I think high maintenance means both of the things mentioned on this thread - it's someone who requires a lot of effort and attention, either from a relationship point of view or in a 'maintaining their image' way.

Original poster
Highorlow · 19/12/2018 11:56

@Redskylastnight I really only fo it for me, as I said I am a busy mum to two children and I work part time so for me it gives me down time and I feel good for it, nothing wrong with that I don’t think 🤔 (I didn’t think it was the full on norm I suppose) I am aware that some ppl do a lot less and some do a lot more. Like others have said it’s all relative I suppose 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
GoldReadingStar · 19/12/2018 12:02

I always thought “high maintenance” referred to a need to emotionally placate someone and walk on eggshells around them though rather than their beauty regime

Yup. That's what it means.

I have my hair cut regularly, but never had nails or eyelashes 'done' whatever that means. However, I'm advancing in years so it wasn't a thing in my youth. Neither of my mid-twenties daughters have either done though. The use mascara and paint their own nails instead of wasting money (their words)

GoldReadingStar · 19/12/2018 12:02

It's not high maintenance because that's not what it means.

LanaorAna2 · 19/12/2018 12:06

It's completely fine! I bet you look great.

ShadyLady53 · 19/12/2018 12:07

It’s definitely high maintenance in my opinion and I’m pretty well groomed. I just don’t do any fake stuff or salon visits apart from regular trims (just a wet cut).

However, I’d never be rude enough to call you high maintenance or comment on all the things you get done. I think that is very bitchy.

This thread shows that it’s all relative with many of us getting nothing done and others getting loads done. It’s up to you what you feel you need done and not for others to criticise.

purplelass · 19/12/2018 12:09

High maintenance infers to me that someone else is paying for your upkeep but you've said you work part time, so I don't think it's anyone else's business what you do with your wages as long as your family don't go without anything so that you can have nice eyebrows Grin

Personally, I have my hair cut once a year and never have nails, eyebrows, anything else done - my ExH used to say I'm practically maintenance free!

Warsaw0912 · 19/12/2018 12:11

I think your friends possibly commented as it touches on all the pressure that’s put on women to do this crap - spend all your money/ time/ mental energy on etc.

I personally do the expensive hair, regular nails, eyebrows and eyelash perming, but when I see someone looking particularly glam or bragging about the latest not-quite-surgical procedure they’ve had it brings up those horrible pangs of not being a good enough woman/ not being beautiful enough/ not keeping up so that’s where the jealousy probably comes from.

I wouldn’t blame the other women but the patriarchy and the older I get the more I think critically and think I really shouldn’t bother with all this crap as it’s negative and damaging and perpetuates the issue for other women/ the next generation. (IMHO)

m00rfarm · 19/12/2018 12:12

That is not what high maintenance means in modern language. The definition these days refers to a person demanding a lot of attention. So bearing in mind she did not even use relevant vocabulary, I would ignore it.

JudasPrudy · 19/12/2018 12:13

It's a throwaway comment, I wouldn't read too much into it.

YoureAMeanOneMrGrinch · 19/12/2018 12:14

I don't get any treatments done because I can't afford to, but if I could, I would love to treat myself to nails, lashes etc. If you can, do!

Santasushi · 19/12/2018 12:16

Op, I do similar to you although nails less often because of work (I get them done for special occasions).
I would never consider myself high maintenance! I work hard to treat myself and I like that it makes me feel good about myself. I also like the way it looks on me, I’m not really in to what others think it looks like (It’s for me, no one else).

StroppyWoman · 19/12/2018 12:16

It sounds an awful lot of faff to me, but if you like it, that's the important thing.

Some people would think I go to the cinema too often or buy entirely too many paperbacks (can't resist them) but that's how I like to spend my time and money, they make me happy. Personal grooming doesn't.

Some people love having their nails and hair done (the eyelashes wasn't something I'd heard of) and if that makes them happy, cool.

I think you just underestimated how many of us are slobs less interested in grooming

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