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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this is NOT high maintenance

308 replies

Highorlow · 19/12/2018 10:09

NC For this...Went out for dinner and drinks last night with friends. And as we’re sitting chatting, friend A asks have I had my lashes done)? Me...yes I got extensions for the Christmas period (as I usually do) , conversation leads on to a full scale what else have you done then??then me saying that I usually get my lashes, hair and nails done at Christmas. Hair I usually get styled 3-4 times a year. Nails I get done quite often (every 3 weeks) and lashes for Christmas, holidays and weddings etc. thought it was fairly normal and that she does the same pretty much?? Friend B states that she hasn’t done it much since kids, friend A agreed and says I must be high maintenance whilst laughing. (I most certainly am not) it’s just something I do at certain times of the year to chivvy myself up. I have two kids so I feel I’m allowed to look after myself. AIBU to think this is not high maintenance??

OP posts:
beenandgoneandbackagain · 19/12/2018 10:46

I'm just jealous that you have the time and money for such things. I only get my nails done for very special occasions, forget to make bookings at the hairdresser until the day before big events, and can only dream of having the time to get my eyelashes done.

erykahb · 19/12/2018 10:46

Who gives a flying fuck what other people think

You've got two kids- if a handful of treatments make you feel good then so what?

Surely you deserve to feel good
Fuck them

diddl · 19/12/2018 10:46

I don't know anyone who regularly does nails/lashes.

If it's your time & money & it doesn't impact others then I'm not sure that that is necessarily HM.

Expecting others to wait around/reorganise because you had appointments would be more my understanding of HM tbh.

TeeBee · 19/12/2018 10:47

I have my eyelashes done every 2 weeks, as per nails. Hair done every couple of months. I consider this basic grooming, not being high maintenance.

nonamesareavailable · 19/12/2018 10:49

Seriously why do you care?! If you're happy carry on! If you think it's a bit OTT or money is tight then yes reign it in a bit. For celebs / wealthy ladies I would have thought this was low maintenance but for the average mum on the street it's probably towards higher maintenance but who cares? Everyone chooses to spend their money differently. Some people have expensive "hobbies". I find that ridiculous. Get your hair and nails done if it makes you happy!

GhostSauce · 19/12/2018 10:49

I have my eyelashes done every 2 weeks, as per nails. Hair done every couple of months. I consider this basic grooming, not being high maintenance.

See, it's definitely all relative. Basic grooming to me is washing my hair, and chucking on a bit of face powder and mascara.

TeeBee · 19/12/2018 10:49

And in fact, I work from home and don't see anyone most days except the people at my gym (where I wear zero make-up) and my kids. My upkeep is for me.

TeeBee · 19/12/2018 10:50

Ghost, I generally don't wear much make-up unless I'm going out. having my eyelashes done means I don't need anything except face cream in the morning.

Thingsdogetbetter · 19/12/2018 10:50

Bloody hell. I've always thought high maintenance meant woman who demanded lots of attention and wanted to be the sole focus of their partner's lives, jealous of friendships and family etc...

Women who like treatments etc were just well groomed to me.

How did I get that so wrong for 50 years? Lol

TeeBee · 19/12/2018 10:52

My opinion is the same as your Thingsdogetbetter. People just groom at different levels. If I had naturally strong nails, I wouldn't bother getting mine done, but mine are like bloody paper, always have been.

QueenofmyPrinces · 19/12/2018 10:53

I get my eyelashes dyed, and my eyebrows waxed and dyed every 4 weeks.

I have never thought that made me high maintenance....

Original poster
Highorlow · 19/12/2018 10:53

And yes for the record, I work PT too so it’s my own money I use although when I didn’t work hubby was happy to pay as he saw it as something I enjoyed. I suppose I wouldn’t do it if didn’t have the money 🤷‍♀️

OP posts:
veggiepigsinpastryblankets · 19/12/2018 10:55

I have a haircut probably once every 18 months on average and have never done any of the other stuff you mention, but that's me and my choice - we all do different things to balance the tightrope of tries too hard/let herself go and I don't see how it helps any of us to attach a moral judgement to how we present ourselves physically.

Having said that... Is it possible that in talking about these things as totally normal you accidentally implied they were slobs for not doing it? I've felt like that before and in less proud moments I've retaliated by implying they were prioritising the wrong things (which is what 'high maintenance' is really about).

Original poster
Highorlow · 19/12/2018 10:55

@Thingsdogetbetter me too!! Over the years I suppose high maintenance started to be used for the physical/grooming side of things too??

OP posts:
Gogreen · 19/12/2018 10:55

To me that’s high maintenance....but you would probably look at me and think wow, she has no standards 😂

Original poster
Highorlow · 19/12/2018 10:57

@veggiepigs...any info I gave was because of questions asked really i suppose, I’m not the bragging type. I was more concerned with choosing off the menu if I’m honest 🤣🤣

OP posts:
StylishMummy · 19/12/2018 10:57

I'm 'young' mid 20s and find your routine very high maintenance- I've not seen anyone who looks good with false lashes/lash extensions

Mayrhofen · 19/12/2018 10:57

I feel it is very high maintenance but I have my hair cut and coloured every 7 weeks, that is it.

I once had my nails done and was bored shitless sat there for that length of time. I once had my eyelashes done, and fell asleep whilst they were being done.

My friend's son's girlfriends, all in their mid 20s, are IMO, hideously high maintenance. Nails and toes always done, waxed, big hair , eyelashes, lips, tan, expensive make up.

They all look the same, fake.

And like a PP mentioned, they are the ones that moan about not being able to get on the property ladder.

It is I hope just a current trend like powdered wigs in the 18th century and I guess it keep beauticians in a job.

AnOtherNomdePlume · 19/12/2018 10:58

The grooming is high maintenance but the effort is put in by you OP.

I think a person who is high maintenance is as described by Thingsdogetbetter. Which is why the comment missed its mark. I'd forget about it tbh.

Missingstreetlife · 19/12/2018 11:00

I would find it expensive and a lot of time and effort, is that what she means? but it's your cash, time and effort. I would prefer massage and therapies or new shoes if I could, it's just personal preference what makes you feel good. If you can afford it no one should judge, different if we're taking the kids lunch money.
I think she's using the wrong phrase, high maintainance usually means someone else paying a high price to keep you sweet.

AnotherPidgey · 19/12/2018 11:04

It's more effort than I put in, but not particularly high maintainance as you're not maintaining it all the time.

I'm quite minimalist, but have naturally decent condition hair of a pleasant colour, clear skin and strong nails (which inevitably break by mid-December) so I don't want to risk damaging my hair and nails. I also can't be bothered with the time and cost of routine appointments. I have become a fan of the MN haircut and 24 wash dye that fades before it shows roots Grin

High maintainence suggests a constant cycle of appointments, treatments and products to maintain a look that can't be sustained naturally.

ittakes2 · 19/12/2018 11:05

That is a lot of maintenance but its incredibly rude of your friend to say something to you.

AnOtherNomdePlume · 19/12/2018 11:06

So it would make sense to say your routine is high maintenance.

I would say I hate the sort of interaction where the person asks you something quite specific only to then judge you on it as though you bring it up yourself. Yes my MiL is due to visit.. I now answer her in nothing but in the cagiest terms.

Maybe your friend just said it for the sake of filling a gap. I have friends who are well groomed and might say it in terms of I couldn't do it but with no judgement meant. I love to see people looking good but don't have the commitment or raw material!

EmGee · 19/12/2018 11:08

Mayrhofen I hate that look too. Just so unnatural and pouty and preeny. Yuck. I have two little girls and I hope to God that all this crap has gone out of fashion by the time they become teens.

OP, I wouldn't class you as HM. You sound like you make make an effort to look nice. Which is great and totally up to you, and no one else.

I think I probably would have reacted in the same way. Sometimes the odd 'flippant' comment like that, made in (supposed) jest, does hit a chord because you wonder why the person felt they had to make the point in the first place.

Fashionista101 · 19/12/2018 11:09

I think it's so interesting how different some people are. I'd say it's pretty LM but I have Botox/fillers/teeth whitened and hair extensions all for Christmas Grin

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