To think this is NOT high maintenance

[Highorlow]

NC For this...Went out for dinner and drinks last night with friends. And as we’re sitting chatting, friend A asks have I had my lashes done)? Me...yes I got extensions for the Christmas period (as I usually do) , conversation leads on to a full scale what else have you done then??then me saying that I usually get my lashes, hair and nails done at Christmas. Hair I usually get styled 3-4 times a year. Nails I get done quite often (every 3 weeks) and lashes for Christmas, holidays and weddings etc. thought it was fairly normal and that she does the same pretty much?? Friend B states that she hasn’t done it much since kids, friend A agreed and says I must be high maintenance whilst laughing. (I most certainly am not) it’s just something I do at certain times of the year to chivvy myself up. I have two kids so I feel I’m allowed to look after myself. AIBU to think this is not high maintenance??

I think anything more than brushing your hair in the morning is high maintenance.

I’d never say it though. All women have different standards and we shouldn’t judge each other but I do find it sad that women feel they need to falsify themselves.

I have all this done regularly and in no way consider myself high maintenance. I thought most women did all of this.

Carry on being what they consider “high maintenance”. The results will show in years to come that you looked after yourself and you will look amazing compared to your friends. You can have the last laugh

didIreallysaythat you can book mobile hairdressers and beauticians who will come to you. I agree it’s a pain with parking etc nowadays.

Personally I always viewed high maintenance as being someone who was hard work, not someone who liked to get their nails done 😕

I don’t see it as women feeling the need to falsify themselves RitaMoreno, it is more that they are making the most of themselves. I find it surprising (won’t use your word sad, because that is just nasty) that many women don’t, it often looks like they just don’t value themselves enough.

It really doesn't matter whether you are (or not). People are different, which is as it should be.

But were that's the crux of it.
Women have been socialised to think thay they need to 'make the most of themselves', get the bikini body, hair needs highlighting, eyebrows need to be a certain thickness based on the trends of the day, spray tans are sold as some glow that will magically make you look and feel healthier.

I do find it sad that a disproportionate amount of beauty and grooming advertising messages are towards women.

I'm not surprised so many women go for all these treatments, but I do view it as part and parcel of damaging messages promoted to girls from a young age. Someone having one treatment or something because it's nice and a treat is fair enough but I don't get doing endless updating beauty things. I'd not say anything to anyone because that would be rude.

What is worse (and probably more depressing) is the attitude of 'well we are looking after ourselves and we will have the last laugh' (we've seen that on this thread). It's almost like buying into beauty lingo so much that there is a genuine belief with some that doing all of this will somehow make them look better than everyone else in 10 years time (but in 10 years time those people will probably have just started to have the odd botox/face cleanse etc). I think it's a hard path to get off when you develop an idea of 'this is what beauty and groomed looks like'.

I agree, Maisy. On the face of it women do these things for a variety of reasons - looking after yourself, looking presentable, 'pampering' yourself because you enjoy it etc. But underpinning all of that is the concept that these are things that women (but not men) should enjoy and should aspire to, and that they are somehow 'not trying hard enough' if they don't. And the expectations seem to be getting higher, judging by the curated social media images of the selfie generation. How can this be anything but a bad thing?

It’s high maintenance in my friendship group - but I’m the HM one! I get my nails done monthly, haircut every 6 weeks, dyed every 4 weeks (at home jobby), eyebrows don’t when nails are done etc. My friends think I’m nuts but it’s me time.

Yes, there are strong social pressures on girls and women not to “let yourself go”. And that “beauty” treatments are a “treat”.

For men, “not letting yourself go” usually just means trying not to be overweight and clothes.

For women it means weight, clothes, shoes (eg heels, most men don’t wear heels, which are damaging to the feet and body), make-up, nails, hair removal, and hair dye.

I'm a bit of two minds here. I think it's entirely possible to appreciate the accoutrement of modern womanhood without falling prey to it, and quite patronising to assume we're all victims of it.

I don't understand Instagram or selfies, but I suppose it's a worry for some.

I think she was just having a joke with you. Don't take it personally. Could well be that they are feeling scruffy compared to you, I would.

Not high maintenance, they sound jealous. Take it as a compliment!

I get my nails done every 4 weeks along with my eyebrows and lashes infilled. I get my hair coloured roughly the same amount. So I wouldn’t say you’re high maintenance, I am a little but mainly I just find with all that done not as much effort is needed day to day

High maintaince is not a particularly nice term.
Someone who does their nails and gets their haircut is not high maintenance.
For me, having a decent haircut (which I sometimes manange to do) and having nice nails, clean teeth is having pride in ones appearance. Maybe that’s not a nice term either as there are lots of natural women and men out their who take pride in their appearance. I would say it’s a reactively low level interest in ones appearnace.

I get my nails done regularly. A quick eyebrow dye too: and my hair when I can. I have done my eyelashes on one special occasion but money precludes me doing it more (and it also takes ages!)
I have lots of friends who do a hell of a lot more and I would never call them HM.

I had to laugh when Alan Sugar on The Apprentice (regularly I might add) would say he wanted to get into the cosmetics and beauty products market due to the massive margins.

I do recognise the boost having a great haircut and style can give me. It's (my) money well spent imo.

I've had friends who really get a boost from keeping their nails very fancy. I admire the look but don't want to emulate it. I like short, tidy nails for me. If I say I can't be doing with "high maintenance" nails it doesn't mean I'm jealous.

Grooming is like everything really, use it to improve your life but don't be a slave to its routines.

'High maintenance' is usally used as an insult, so I don't blame you for being annoyed. I get my hair done four times a year. If I didn't live in the middle of nowhere I'd get my eyebrows and lashes done too, probably. I bet they look great!

To me that's high maintenance because I only go to salons in my dreams! After kids and marriage, it seems impossible to justify such expense.

If you've got the money, that's great but do understand that to others it seems lavish or perhaps even excessive.

You're out of touch with reality if you find this comment surprising or offensive.

@didireallysaythat I usually book the appointments for when I am on a day off or at a time my DH is around to have the DC (they are in school/playschool in the day anyway so mornings are a good time for me. I usually book my next appointment before I leave the beauticians and pop it in my diary.

I am by no means all ‘fake’, god I only wear fake tan if I’m going to a wedding and even then it’s a v light shade.

Money is not a consideration as I budget for these treatments and we don’t go without anything to do it (if I had to think about it that much I wouldn’t spend it)!

I’m 34 (but look way younger) so I think I’m old enough to want to have a little treatment here and there.

So yes her comment was probably nothing but I suppose in the moment it annoyed me

At the end of the day girls if u can afford it and it makes u feel good then go with it!! If u can’t afford it and there have been times when I could not !! don’t make the girls that can feel like they are all all fake princesses !! If we don’t go then a lot of girls will be out of a job!! It take all sorts to make the world go round !! And believe my when u get to my age you need all the help you can get!!

And believe my when u get to my age you need all the help you can get!!

Help to do what? You’re fine as you are.

It's not about the 'girls that can', Nanalisa, it's about the fact that society has made them feel like they should. Why do you think women enjoy this kind of upkeep but men don't? The desire to alter our bodies doesn't come from nowhere.

We are all different. I hate this kind of stuff so don't do it and have a lovely life doing things I prefer - earlier this morning I had a large pole with a hose attached at roof height working on gutters and then had my arm down the drain at the bottom to take leaves out. I like that stuff whereas sitting in a hair dressers for 2 hours is a kind of hell on earth for me. Each to their own. Neither is better nor worse than the other although I save heaps of money my way but those rolling in cash by all means spend it on these vanity things.

Xenia I'm not rolling in cash, I'm a single mum earning a low wage and I have regular beauty treatments. You don't need to be rolling in cash to afford it, it just depends on what you enjoy doing. Somebody else might enjoy spending money on a couple of good bottles of wine at the weekend or a hobby or something. I don't do any of that, I like a bit of pampering instead.