To feel sad about this labour experience? FaceBook Mums seem to think I am!

[keepingmypeaches]

I was repeatedly told to cover up. Twice during labour, once on the post natal ward.

The first two times were by two different midwives. I kept repeating ''Please just leave me as I am, I am hot. i am comfortable like this''.

The second time this happened in labour, I was on all fours screaming and begging for someone to check how dilated I was because I really felt like I needed to push. I was told no, I couldn't be anywhere near yet. But the midwife said 'come on now, lets cover you up a bit (I was completely naked but I was in my own private room). I said, again, please leave me as i am. i am hot and I am more comfortable without anything on me. She said ''Come on now, cover just a little bit''. I said no, please just leave it. Moments later she left the room, and DH had to shout for help because he could see DS's head crowning.

The third time was by a consultant on the post natal ward. She went to enter from behind the curtains, caught a glimpse of me with nothing on my torso (I was having skin to skin/feeding with DS but my bottom half was fully covered). She said ''Oh no, I'll come back when you are covered''. I said not to worry, I am comfortable like this. i do not mind at all! :)'' She said ''No, please cover. I'll wait behind here until you are finished. Take your time''.

I posted this experience on a Favebook Mum group, in a much more light hearted manner, about things that make you uncomfortable during the birth/afterwards. I really was not trying to moan or have a big whinge. I just wanted to chat to other people who has given birth, and share my experience and see if anyone else felt similar.

The responses I got shocked me. Things like ''You have a healthy baby, whats your problem?'' and ''He is one now, isn't he? Why are you going on about this?''. Another person said I should be thankful I could give birth on the NHS for free, and that midwives work bloody hard and aren't paid enough. Someone else said I should have just kept it to myself, or if I really wanted to, speak to my husband or something.

Another person came along and said ''Take it from soemone who has had a stillbirth and been through hell and back, this is nothing and a non issue. get over yourself''.

I cannot get over these responses and wondered what Mumsnet thought? again, i really wasn't complaining or mentioning names/even hospital or area. I just wanted to get it off my chest.

AIBU to feel a bit sad by it? I just wanted to explore my thoughts a bit by posting. For what it is worth I had a 4th degree tear and suffered for months because I was not sewn up properly. That doesn't bother me though. The cover up thing is what stayed with me, for whatever reason.

"As for total nudity during labour, maybe the midwife felt that if you even just popped on a nightie it would be a bit more dignified and make everyone feel better?"

Can someone please articulate what’s wrong with this?! I am not able to find the words, but this is so very, very wrong on every fucking level.

Hahahahahahahaahhaa! Perhaps the fact it's not the 1950s for a start?!!

Midwives use feedback from women (both positive and constructive criticism) for reflection, to meet these revalidation requirements.

Correct, and I'd bet there have been complaints saying that they didn't do enough to maintain their dignity, that they shouldn't have been left naked.

NC for this. I don't think you're unreasonable at all, though for your own sake it might help to think of 'rational reasons' why she wanted to keep you covered (that she was trying to keep your temperature even rather than spiking too high and too low, for example).

I also had what felt like an insensitive midwife. My last delivery happened minutes after the induction drip was put in. It was too fast and horrible, though I had a healthy baby, only a second-degree tear, recovered quickly etc etc so should be grateful.

But because nobody wants to hear about what sounds like a brilliant fast labour, I wasn't able to process it in the way we normally do (which is to tell the story over and over until everything begins to make sense and recede into the distance).

What I remember is the midwife being a bit, well, eye-roll-y, and just looking back at me, not responding, when I said 'help' after I'd told her I'd crowned and needed to push.

She hadn't been in the room when everything progressed and I'd crowned, and we'd had to press the red button. On return she carried on unhurriedly doing her chores before checking how dilated I was, only to see a full head of hair.

She maintained her composure, but I knew she was rattled. In principle I think professionals tend to know when they've misjudged, so I gave her positive feedback on the postcard we were given almost immediately after delivery, underlining her name three times with a very shaky hand with a passive-aggressive thank you for her attention and care. She was only young and will learn.

But I still find it hard to talk about reasonably, because she had me pegged as a demanding attention seeker when I began groaning - from her point of view I was 3cm and she wasn't minded to humour my insistence that I wasn't.

On the feeling warm part - because labour was on fast-forward, the different stages were all distilled. I remember suddenly being boiling hot and just managing to say 'too hot, wet wipe'. It must be part of transition or something. I'd never felt that hot before, even when very unwell. It was like suddenly being in a sauna. So not having clothes on makes complete sense.

If it matters to you, it matters. I hate all this, you have a healthy baby so what's your problem talk! Birth is primal and instinctive and I was happy naked on all fours (fortunately at home! And the midwife never once tried to comment on my "dignity"- it's the least of anyone 's concerns !) Some people can be deeply affected by events that happen to them during labour/birth especially ones that they have no control over and their feelings are valid and should be respected.

OP you are not unreasonable. Regardless of what others may think the fact is that your wishes were ignored, and this damaged your trust and safety. That’s a big issue. And anything that is still bothering you a year later is still an issue to you - why on earth do women continue to minimise the experiences of others? It’s not a competition - this damaged your birth experience and should not have happened.

I'd bet there have been complaints saying that they didn't do enough to maintain their dignity, that they shouldn't have been left naked

The fact is that OP made her wishes clear and she was ignored. The midwife needs to improve her listening skills and work on offering woman-centred care.

Kiki What exactly could not be quite right?

If you're talking about body temperature, I was fine, a bit hot but fine otherwise. I wasn't too cold and therefore needed to cover

Other people have no right to tell you how you should or shouldn't feel about your own personal experience. Yes other people have been through worse, but does that mean we are never allowed to have a little moan unless we have been through the worst experience possible?

I do agree with pp that perhaps the hospital had previous complaints so the staff were trying to protect themselves. I can understand how annoying it would be though

I do agree with pp that perhaps the hospital had previous complaints so the staff were trying to protect themselves

Defensive care is poor practice though, and not an excuse - a possible explanation, but it doesn't make it right.

If there’s been complaints, you protect yourself by documenting in the mother’s notes that you offered her a sheet to cover herself if she required it and she declined. End of. You listen to her, and respect her wishes. It’s her birth, her room, her body - nothing should happen against her wishes even as seemingly innocuous as covering up. I suspect it wasn’t the requests to cover up that have bothered the OP but the fact that she wasn’t listened to, and didn’t have control in her own already vulnerable situation.

I refuse to believe that 4 medical people on 4 separate occasions told you to cover up

Each to their own. Wig my third the midwife had to practically pull my trousers off of me as I wanted to keep them on!!

The stuff in labour I think yanbu at all. The feeding bit I think it's fair enough that the dr wanted you to cover up a bit. I fed all 4 of my children (one to age 2 and the others for over a year) and have fed in front of all sorts of people and all sorts of weird places. I've never sat completely starkers from the waist up whilst a stranger was trying to talk to me. You can do skin on skin modestly.

Ki I think you need to comprehend what you read better before coming out with such big comments. It wasn't 4, it was 3

But besides, believe what you like. I was there, you were not

You shouldn't have to worry about breastfeeding 'modesty' in your own private cubicle when having a consultation with a birth professional. Dear lord.

you protect yourself by documenting in the mother’s notes that you offered her a sheet to cover herself if she required it and she declined

OP would then be upset about how much time the midwife spent writing notes.

I completely agree with each and every one of those facebook comments you received.

I think the issue here is nudity = undignified. Herein lies the problem - you can be stark naked and be dignified, respected and treated well. If the midwife wanted to be sure you were comfortable, she could have said 'are you comfortable or would you like a sheet over you?' and if you didn't want one you'd say. And there we go. For those wanging on about documentation - 'Mrs X on all fours, husband supportive, signs of birth imminent (or whatever). Sheet offered but declined, Mrs X more comfortable without.'

No midwife in the history of the world is going to be hauled in front of a panel or court because she didn't put a sheet on someone. She might if she ignores her patients wishes though and communicates poorly.

Anyone who thinks a woman in extreme pain, having a person come out of a tiny hole in her body, should be made to cover up 'to make everyone feel better' wins the award for the person with the most raging case of idiocy ever known to man. Even when bringing new life into the world a woman must still do everything she can, to her own detriment, to make everyone feel better. HOLY FUCKING CHRIST.

The idea that the midwife was trying to protect herself is laughable given how many procedures midwives do without consent that they are never made accountable for. When I had my DS I had to stand in the middle of the room (stark naked) and literally shout 'I DO NOT CONSENT TO AN EPISIOTOMY AND I HAVE WITNESSES' to prevent the shithead of a midwife from cutting me without my permission.

You say two midwives

Then you say a midwife in labour

Then you say a doctor

But you say 3 people.

So 3 medics separately asked you to cover up. Hmmmm

You were body shamed at a time when you were at your most vulnerable. Not surprised you were hurt by that.

I was in hospital for quite a while after the birth of my first and was happy to get up, get showered and put on a clean pair of pyjamas. The number of times someone said ‘aren’t we getting dressed today/still not dressed yet?’ was insane. I never left the ward and was breastfeeding. Pjs suited me just fine. It did feel like they were having a dig though, so I understand.

Huggybear oh believe me the midwives complain about how much time the midwife spends writing notes. Such are the times we live in. If it’s not documented it didn’t happen. However, this is vastly preferable then going against a mother’s express wishes and damaging her trust in the Midwife supporting her.

@Kiki Why is this so hard for you to believe? 2 midwives and a doctor - 3 people. What is it you have such an issue with?!

Besides, it takes a second to write “I offered a sheet to cover up; C declined it.” Not exactly War and Peace. When you have to write a synt increase or epidural top up in 5 different places this is nothing.