Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sad about this labour experience? FaceBook Mums seem to think I am!

191 replies

keepingmypeaches · 19/12/2018 09:52

I was repeatedly told to cover up. Twice during labour, once on the post natal ward.

The first two times were by two different midwives. I kept repeating ''Please just leave me as I am, I am hot. i am comfortable like this''.

The second time this happened in labour, I was on all fours screaming and begging for someone to check how dilated I was because I really felt like I needed to push. I was told no, I couldn't be anywhere near yet. But the midwife said 'come on now, lets cover you up a bit (I was completely naked but I was in my own private room). I said, again, please leave me as i am. i am hot and I am more comfortable without anything on me. She said ''Come on now, cover just a little bit''. I said no, please just leave it. Moments later she left the room, and DH had to shout for help because he could see DS's head crowning.

The third time was by a consultant on the post natal ward. She went to enter from behind the curtains, caught a glimpse of me with nothing on my torso (I was having skin to skin/feeding with DS but my bottom half was fully covered). She said ''Oh no, I'll come back when you are covered''. I said not to worry, I am comfortable like this. i do not mind at all! :)'' She said ''No, please cover. I'll wait behind here until you are finished. Take your time''.

I posted this experience on a Favebook Mum group, in a much more light hearted manner, about things that make you uncomfortable during the birth/afterwards. I really was not trying to moan or have a big whinge. I just wanted to chat to other people who has given birth, and share my experience and see if anyone else felt similar.

The responses I got shocked me. Things like ''You have a healthy baby, whats your problem?'' and ''He is one now, isn't he? Why are you going on about this?''. Another person said I should be thankful I could give birth on the NHS for free, and that midwives work bloody hard and aren't paid enough. Someone else said I should have just kept it to myself, or if I really wanted to, speak to my husband or something.

Another person came along and said ''Take it from soemone who has had a stillbirth and been through hell and back, this is nothing and a non issue. get over yourself''.

I cannot get over these responses and wondered what Mumsnet thought? again, i really wasn't complaining or mentioning names/even hospital or area. I just wanted to get it off my chest.

AIBU to feel a bit sad by it? I just wanted to explore my thoughts a bit by posting. For what it is worth I had a 4th degree tear and suffered for months because I was not sewn up properly. That doesn't bother me though. The cover up thing is what stayed with me, for whatever reason.

OP posts:
Woodward12 · 19/12/2018 10:41

I hate the you have a healthy baby and that's all that matters attitude. No it is not all that matters. Your experience in labour can stay with you forever. It can be traumatic.

I'm amazed that they were so anti you being naked! You were in labour ffs. I'm due in 4 weeks and worried that they will think I'm a weirdo prude for not wanting to be starkers!

babysharkie · 19/12/2018 10:41

FFS. I'm sick of women being told they are being unreasonable for complaining as someone else has it worse, it's not a big deal, it was all okay in the end, "but you have a healthy baby!", "it was ages ago" AngryXmas Angry those replies to you are outrageous, you were patronised then and patronised now

TeaPot496 · 19/12/2018 10:41

FFS people. this isn't normal or remotely woman-centred. Being a patient on a ward with no curtains around you is completely different from being in your own private room where it's completely normal to want to strip off and be naked:-

But the midwife said 'come on now, lets cover you up a bit (I was completely naked but I was in my own private room). I said, again, please leave me as i am. i am hot and I am more comfortable without anything on me. She said ''Come on now, cover just a little bit''. I said no, please just leave it

She was trying to PERSUADE op to cover up. This isn't remotely normal or woman-centred care, and comparing it to being offered toast is disgusting.

Thatwasfast · 19/12/2018 10:42

I had the flip side of this where I didn’t want to get undressed (v fast labour, wasn’t coping, didn’t want the fuss). The midwives jollyed me along and stripped me off and got me into a hospital gown.

Thank goodness they did! Baby was born 10 minutes later. If you look at the intent behind what the midwives are doing, it’s easier to understand that no offence is made. It’s difficukt to make decisions in labour, and the midwives have experience regarding what would bother people.

I would have been very upset if a consultant barged in while I was topless and breastfeeding, I was struggling and low. The consultant probably said they would come back in case you were like me, and would have been mortified.

jessstan2 · 19/12/2018 10:42

You were bonkers to put in all on facebook in the first place. I really don't understand this need to go public with everything, inviting strangers to comment - and let's face, they aren't all going to be nice people!

You didn't do anything wrong and you say you had your own room. Lots of people in the privacy of their bed breastfeed uncovered, nowt wrong with that. You don't do that when you're in public.

It's all over now, you have a lovely baby. Well done!

Thatwasfast · 19/12/2018 10:43

Teapot - so why do you think they did that? Perhaps they were completley evil? Or they hate all women? Perhaps ya part of a conspiracy by midwives to force women to birth fully clothed?

Good grief

NotGoodieTwoShoes · 19/12/2018 10:44

I had DS1 nearly 30 years ago (it was a private hospital) being naked was seen as the usual state, I certainly could not have coped with having any clothes on at all once labour was established.

Original poster
keepingmypeaches · 19/12/2018 10:44

Lots of people in the privacy of their bed breastfeed uncovered, nowt wrong with that. You don't do that when you're in public.

Yes. Yes I do exactly that in public, not complete stripped obviously but I don't 'cover'.

On a beach abroad, I go topless. Nobody looks or says a thing. My breasts aren't anything to cover in these sort of situations

OP posts:
TitusAndromedom · 19/12/2018 10:45

Thatwasfast, why do you persist in dismissing the OP’s preferences? You say the midwives have experience in knowing what would bother people, but the OP made her preferences clear. What bothered her was the midwife trying to override those preferences. It isn’t about the midwife’s previous experiences, but about the OP’s birth.

53rdWay · 19/12/2018 10:45

Thatwasfast do you think that only evil woman-hating midwives can get anything about care wrong?

Jent13c · 19/12/2018 10:46

I was pretty anti covering when breastfeeding, I felt that the lovely part of breastfeeding was looking in to my babies eyes and watching him feed, looking at a scarf would have ruined it a bit for me.

However I am also a nurse (not in maternity however). I cover patients up all the time as when you are unwell sometimes you are too tired to be worried about what's showing to the world. But if I went in to hospital and my mother had a raging infection and was confused but sitting with her bits out I would be furious as I know she would be horrified at the thought. So sometimes I do have to be fairly firm to get pjs on but it's all about maintaining dignity. I wonder if that's maybe the situation the consultant thought it was? However you shouldn't have been made to feel like that, I do believe that a lot of new mums breastfeeding is hindered by the care they receive post natally.

badb · 19/12/2018 10:46

Your imaginary arm patting scenario is totally different, thatwasfast, and you know it. Also, there is a range of reactions to things, not just “fine” and traumatised”. You can be annoyed, and be cross, and want to vent about something without necessarily being traumatisedby it. Your use of that word is quite pointed, tbh.

Looneytune253 · 19/12/2018 10:49

The consultant frustrated me the most. I don't 'cover' feeding my 13 month old. Can't see why I would've whilst trying to establish breastfeeding and having important skin to skin. Again, I made it clear it was fine to come in

To be fair though that was the consultants choice and they have to be comfortable too. Sounds like they were very reasonable and said to take your time and come back when you were covered

Thatwasfast · 19/12/2018 10:49

I’m saying the OP was wrong to have her preferences.

But to still be bothered by it 1 year later seems extreme doesn’t it?

The midwifes made an assumption about whT the OP would want. She didn’t want that. They tried to encourage her to cover up, she didn’t want it.

Trying to turn this into a serious issue seems ridiculous. The intention behind it was clearly to respect the patients dignity. No one has yet given a plausible alternative to why the midewjves would act like this.

Thatwasfast · 19/12/2018 10:50

*I’m NOT saying

TeaPot496 · 19/12/2018 10:51

why do you think they did that?

I don't know why the midwife didn't listen to OP. Perhaps she's burnt out, perhaps she's embarrassed by nakedness, perhaps she has hearing difficulties, perhaps she's frightened by the wildness of birth... That's why feeding back to the hospital trust can be useful for the individual midwife to discuss and reflect on her practice with her manager.

The reasons behind why OP wasn't listened to are irrelevant and do not excuse poor care.

It's a fundamental part of the NMC midwives rules & standards that care offered is woman-centred. This means listening to women, at least, and offering care that meets their needs.

OP describes a midwife who didn't listen. This is not acceptable. She is allowed to feel sad, which is what this AIBU is about.

Original poster
keepingmypeaches · 19/12/2018 10:51

Looney Since when did you get to dictate how covered someone is whilst breastfeeding? As far as I knew, I thought you didn't get to dictate at all

OP posts:
Thatwasfast · 19/12/2018 10:52

Are you a health proffesional teapot?

53rdWay · 19/12/2018 10:52

No one has yet given a plausible alternative to why the midewjves would act like this.

Because they weren’t listening to her and/or weren’t taking what she said seriously. Obviously.

Why do you think “they meant well” means they didn’t do anything wrong?

Looneytune253 · 19/12/2018 10:54

@keepingmypeaches but they didn’t they said they would come back when you were ready and to take your time according to you

Soubriquet · 19/12/2018 10:55

I get where you are coming from

I wanted to be naked with my dd’s birth.

I kept trying to strip off midlabour with the midwife covering me back up

If I wasn’t in so much pain and delirious with labour i would have told her to eff off

TeaPot496 · 19/12/2018 10:55

Are you a health proffesional teapot?

Yes - I'm a former midwife and current antenatal teacher / doula

LittlePaintBox · 19/12/2018 10:55

YANBU. For whatever reason, this is still a live issue for you. Maybe you are being unreasonable expecting supportive reactions from other new mothers? I had a traumatic first birth, and I found in general most people seemed to want to forget all about birth, whereas I couldn't.

I'm a granny now, but one of my most recent experiences of hospital was when I was having unexplained temperature spikes, and had all my covers pulled OFF me by the nurses to cool me down - the husband of another woman . on the ward then complained loudly that I wasn't covered up properly, which was extremely annoying!

TeaPot496 · 19/12/2018 10:55

Why?

G5000 · 19/12/2018 10:56

YANBU. I have also been told to cover up for 'my privacy and dignity' where I have been totally comfortable as I am. It makes you feel dirty, like you did something wrong and immoral. If a consultant in a post-natal ward has an issue with bare chest, how on earth can they even do their job?

Swipe left for the next trending thread