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AIBU?

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Original poster

Boss demanding me to tell them in pregnant

179 replies

Motherwell91 · 18/12/2018 23:57

Work in a high pased office enviorment. We have had a change of managment in the last few months. She was promoted from our sector and has gone.. as you could say power mad. Shortning and increasing targets... changing deadlines etc. And generally being rude and obnoxious to everyone. Ive kept quiet and just got on. (Like to go to work do my job go home) well this morning i recieve a text from her stating. ' i know your pregnant you need to stop keeping it a secret and confirm it. Im gobsmaked for one im not... but this seems such an unprofesinal manner to do things. Im yet to reply aibu to egnore it ? Wwyd? How would you reply should i reply.?

OP posts:
TeaPot496 · 19/12/2018 00:58

She sounds a bit mentally unwell and I would text her back in the morning:

"I think you meant this text for someone else"

agnurse · 19/12/2018 01:22

Agree with send to HR.

Even if you were pregnant, that's YOUR private medical information. The only way she would need to know that is if your pregnancy affected your work ability, and of course she would need to know when you planned to take mat leave.

Honestly, the woman sounds to be a nightmare.

Mbhatescf123 · 19/12/2018 01:24

I would suspect she knows you arent pregnant as if you were then this would be completely illegal. She will argue that it wasnt in a work capacity as she is sly. It is as she knows you are a little sensitive about your weight and will upset you. She is a bully and threatened by you in some way and no doubt hates that you have got on with your work and not let her management style affect your work x

SparkleBanana · 19/12/2018 01:25

I would talk to HR too, it’s not acceptable at anytime never mind midnight.

I am also struggling to lose baby weight and it make me feel so self conscious. I was asked at 6 weeks after the birth if I was pregnant and again at 3 months asked if I was expecting again Blush

DonderandBlitzen · 19/12/2018 08:17

She'll probably try to cover her arse before you approach HR about it. Call you in and say "Sorry, I meant to send that to a friend, let's forget about it." Etc.

Fannybaws52 · 19/12/2018 08:21

How long have you worked there? If under 2 years or in a call centre, don't rock the boat.

Laugh it off with her. Say something about your diet not working. Get chummy with her.

You have no protection under 2 years. If over 2 years, take it to HR. Texts like that sent so late are harassment.

Lettermethis · 19/12/2018 08:26

Don't reply and in echoing others - show HR and tell them how you feel.

Miffymeow · 19/12/2018 08:39

It won't be a weight thing, it'll be the 18 months, which is a very common time to get pregnant with a second baby, don't sweat it, she sounds bonkers. Definitely report straight to HR and don't reply to her. She sounds like she has some serious issues going on.

ReanimatedSGB · 19/12/2018 08:55

This is misconduct on her part. It's insulting, inappropriate, probably bullying and illegal. CC everything to HR and the union, sit back and wait. With any luck, you'll be rid of the bullying cow in short order.

haloumi · 19/12/2018 08:58

This is sexual discrimination in the work place and grounds for serious reprocussions .

There could be a legitimate reason, like, if you were to be pregnant to the point where you needed to give notice of maternity leave or suchlike... but even THEN .... very serious to ask this.

HR should be informed.

Believeitornot · 19/12/2018 09:00

There’s absolutely no call whatsoever to be sending drunk messages to people you manage, unless you’re friends and this is socially agreed.

Second of all to send a message asking if you’re pregnant is beyond the pale!!!! I’d never do that - even to a close friend - what the fuck??

I would speak to her and raise a formal complaint with HR

Stormwhale · 19/12/2018 09:05

How innapropriate! I would be fuming. How secure is your job op? My next steps would depend on that.

montenuit · 19/12/2018 09:07

I agree with PP - she is trying to bully / intimidate you.

It won't be a weight thing, whenever anyone comes back from maternity leave after child #1 they're just waiting for you to announce you're pg again. As your dc is 18m then if you were 3m pregnant you'd have a 2 year age gap, the most common.

Brush it off - if you've been there 2 years send to HR. Otherwise i'd just ignore her (too risky).

babysharkah · 19/12/2018 09:08

Needs to go to HR. Absolutely not acceptable and (if you were!) pregnant you have no obligation to tell them anything until 15 weeks before baby is due.

EvaHarknessRose · 19/12/2018 09:10

I think if she is causing problems for everyone, then this should be discreetly shown to her manager or HR in an ‘I thought you should know’ way. I would not reply. This behaviour reminds me of someone I knew who was alcohol dependent.

ErickBroch · 19/12/2018 09:14

OMG. Are you not actually pregnant? I thought it was bad enough then, but the fact you are not is horrendous. Please take this further with HR! If you need support I would try and get a free 30 min with a solicitor to discuss a tribunal. You poor thing.

LakieLady · 19/12/2018 09:15

She's batshit!

Was this sent to your personal or work mobile? It's bang out of order whichever, but more so if she's used your personal mobile.

I'd definitely want to speak to HR, or possibly to her line manager, if that's someone you have a good relationship with.

BunsOfAnarchy · 19/12/2018 09:19

Dont waste time sending this to HR!
And DO NOT text back or engage any conversation with her.

MumW · 19/12/2018 09:19

I agree, don't respond to her and send both messages, with the times, to HR.

She's clearly not managerial material.

IknowTheBoswellJoke · 19/12/2018 09:20

I think I'd be a bit devious and keep this as my own personal leverage. If she's as harsh as she sounds, you might need a little tinder kept dry.

GrabEmByThePatriarchy · 19/12/2018 09:22

You have no protection under 2 years. If over 2 years, take it to HR. Texts like that sent so late are harassment.

If OP actually is pregnant, then she'd be protected against discrimination on that score from Day 1. I don't know if it would count as pregnancy related if you're not but you're being treated worse because of the perception that you are though. OP are you actually pregnant? You haven't said! I think we perhaps need that information before people can give you an idea what to do.

bevelino · 19/12/2018 09:22

OP, think about what you wish to achieve if you report your boss to HR. Do you want her to be disciplined, sacked, made to apologise, demoted? How HR deal with this may depend on your line manager’s employment record with the company, her relationship with you; and your own record with the company.

Reporting to HR is not always straightforward and can be stressful for all involved. Have you spoken to your boss, if not I recommend you have a calm conversation to let her know how she has made you feel. After the conversation has taken place you can then review your options.

Pfingstrose · 19/12/2018 09:23

OMG this is absolutely shocking behaviour!!

VerbenaGirl · 19/12/2018 09:27

Absolutely take this to HR (and your union, if you have one) straight away. This is ridiculously unprofessional.

Queenie8 · 19/12/2018 09:27

What your manager has done is dispicable, and illegal. You are protected by sexual discrimination law, whether you have been at your company five days or five years.

Speak to HR or her superior ASAP.

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