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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not take my toddler to the pantomime?

196 replies

nomorearsingmermaids · 18/12/2018 16:35

A friend of mine with 2 DCs aged 6 and 9 has spare tickets to the panto as other people she was going with dropped out and she invited me to come with my DS who is 2.5. I very politely said thanks so much for the kind offer but that I didn't think he would enjoy it - he's pretty sensitive and he really hates crowds and loud noises. I also don't think he would sit still that long to be honest. My mum is a musician so we have been to our fair share of theatre type outings and he has never really enjoyed any of them, I usually have to take him out early.

Anyway now I received a very grumpy text from her saying that I was mollycoddling him and that he would most likely love it, and that even if he didn't it was something he had to get used to sooner or later.

I might consider taking him if he was old but he's 2.5 and I really don't want to shell out ££ for something I am 99% sure he won't enjoy. AIBU?

OP posts:
JustJoinedRightNow · 19/12/2018 06:16

Honestly OP it’s best that you realized now that she’s a nightmare, rather than getting into a deeper friendship with her.

Just be friendly and pleasant each time you see her.

Honestly the school gates aren’t that bad. I’ve got anxiety too but I just be friendly, but not friends, with everyone. Yes there are FB groups and WhatsApp groups but I stay off them and get official info from school. My kids aren’t disadvantaged socially because of this.

Just don’t worry. Ignore her texts now - she’s clearly spoiling for a fight. Honestly, what does she expect now, that you would go? And what, sit beside her during the panto while she’s been a complete bitch to you??

Just ignore and shake your head, it’s all that works with these lunatics.

Bluebonnieblue · 19/12/2018 06:18

No way!

BendydickCuminsnatch · 19/12/2018 06:33

She’s a fucking moron if she thinks you’d go to the panto now and it be completely normal and non-awkward, after all this carry on! Bully.

The4thSandersonSister · 19/12/2018 06:36

Look just message back that you appreciate that the people she had originally booked the tickets for had let her down, but it was presumptuous of her to assume that you would be willing to take on their ticket. Further that you don't appreciate her less than subtle attempts to insinuate that the reason you won't attend the panto is down to some sort of "Parental Nervousness", and that it would be sad if your relationship drifted because of the money she invested in the ticket.

DartmoorDoughnut · 19/12/2018 06:48

Just ignore, you’ve said no and she’s being a pushy twat

Pinkprincess1978 · 19/12/2018 07:27

I didn't take mine till they were 4 I think. If the tickets had been free and going spare then I might have taken him then left if he didn't enjoy it it was a nuisance as you haven't lost anything but the fact you are being expected to pay world be a no. I hope your friend understands!

Vanillaradio · 19/12/2018 07:50

Wow she's annoying. For what it's worth I haven't taken my 5 year old to panto yet as I still don't think he'd like it, at 2 there would have been no way. Can you block her messages?
As for school gate don't worry. I go on the WhatsApp group which is useful for when ds has lost his jumper, or to find what letters we are missing but ignore all the drama. At the school gate I just smile and nod. Ds has a lovely group of friends and is not socially disadvantaged at all.

Booboostwo · 19/12/2018 08:08

What a CF!

Text back “You expected (price of tickets) from me. You are not getting it. Happy holidays!”

Sarahjconnor · 19/12/2018 08:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BeanBagLady · 19/12/2018 08:09

“I said no the first time you asked. I do not want to buy tickets I have not budgeted for for an event I don’t want to attend. You have a right to your own opinion on my parenting but telling me isn’t making me want to accompany you. Sorry you have been left in the lurch over the tickets but I can’t put myself out of pocket. Enjoy the panto but please do not ask me again”

erykahb · 19/12/2018 08:11

“I said no the first time you asked. I do not want to buy tickets I have not budgeted for for an event I don’t want to attend. You have a right to your own opinion on my parenting but telling me isn’t making me want to accompany you. Sorry you have been left in the lurch over the tickets but I can’t put myself out of pocket. Enjoy the panto but please do not ask me again”

All of this I'd also add a sneaky 'piss off' in there too- but I am probably too^ confrontational

concernedforthefuture · 19/12/2018 08:22

My kids didn't really properly enjoy live theatre (family shows) until they were 5+. I wouldn't take a toddler. Pantomimes are often too long / dark / scary.

NonaGrey · 19/12/2018 08:28

She expected more of you?

Whoever this woman is she’s not a friend.

NancyDonahue · 19/12/2018 08:31

Hope you're ok this morning, op Flowers

'Are you having money worries?' could be a good reply if you need one. It might make her stop and think how grabby she sounds.

Original poster
nomorearsingmermaids · 19/12/2018 09:12

OP please ask yourself why you want this woman to like you.

I don't particularly care if she likes me or not (genuinely), it's just a huge PITA to fall out with her given she runs all the local toddler groups and I see her in the street constantly. Not that she has given me much choice. Her last message said "really unhappy with how you have gone about this" and I texted back saying "please stop messaging me about this now, I've already said no". Then I blocked her so I won't hear again!!!

OP posts:
Original poster
nomorearsingmermaids · 19/12/2018 09:13

HA to money worries, her DH is on six figures.

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 19/12/2018 09:18

If you said you'd go and then let her down fair enough.

Did you ever indicate you might go?

NancyDonahue · 19/12/2018 09:18

HA to money worries, her DH is on six figures.

This is quite often the most grabby type, sadly.

PurpleMountain · 19/12/2018 09:19

OP you say you hate conflict (as I'm sure most of us do) but I want to say you've dealt with this really well - you were honest from the start and she continued to try to bully you into saying yes - the kindest thing I can say about her is maybe she's temporarily lost her mind.

Original poster
nomorearsingmermaids · 19/12/2018 09:21

thank you purple

Never martha, we've literally never discussed any pantomime before yesterday, and the first time she asked me (yesterday!) my response was "thanks so much for asking but I don't think DS would sit through it unfortunately"

OP posts:
MarthasGinYard · 19/12/2018 09:24

Blimey

She's on a real mission isn't she

Good call to block her

I've visions of her tapping on tour windows waving the tickets

CottonSock · 19/12/2018 09:25

I hope she sees sense after sleeping on it. What horrible things to say. I wouldn't take my 2.5 year old either, 4.5 was when I first took my eldest.

Kintan · 19/12/2018 10:06

Gosh OP she is completely demented! She has for some reason picked you as a target for her feelings of being let down by whoever has let her down. Very very strange behaviour. Do you think she has seen this thread though? Just thinking her comment about not
liking ‘how you have gone about this’ doesn’t really make any sense otherwise..

kingscote · 19/12/2018 10:32

She sounds a bit bats to be honest.

Also, not really the point of your OP, but if she's out of pocket surely the people who dropped out should be paying her for their tickets.

Or maybe she just made assumptions about them going as well.

EssentialHummus · 19/12/2018 10:34

I hope she's seen the thread tbh; nothing like 150 people telling you you're bananas...