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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to not take my toddler to the pantomime?

196 replies

nomorearsingmermaids · 18/12/2018 16:35

A friend of mine with 2 DCs aged 6 and 9 has spare tickets to the panto as other people she was going with dropped out and she invited me to come with my DS who is 2.5. I very politely said thanks so much for the kind offer but that I didn't think he would enjoy it - he's pretty sensitive and he really hates crowds and loud noises. I also don't think he would sit still that long to be honest. My mum is a musician so we have been to our fair share of theatre type outings and he has never really enjoyed any of them, I usually have to take him out early.

Anyway now I received a very grumpy text from her saying that I was mollycoddling him and that he would most likely love it, and that even if he didn't it was something he had to get used to sooner or later.

I might consider taking him if he was old but he's 2.5 and I really don't want to shell out ££ for something I am 99% sure he won't enjoy. AIBU?

OP posts:
erykahb · 18/12/2018 18:17

Who in the right mind takes a toddler to a panto Hmm he won't sit sill and will just be stressful for you

You don't even need to give her an explanation as to why you don't want to go. She sounds like a weirdo

Ragwort · 18/12/2018 18:18

If she runs the toddler groups she must know lots of people she could invite. Send one final reply 'No, I have already said I will not be using the tickets'. Why hasn't she understood your first message? Is she thick?

erykahb · 18/12/2018 18:22

I wouldn't even text her back
You've already said no twice, she's just being annoying

Original poster
nomorearsingmermaids · 18/12/2018 18:22

I've sent "no thank you, we won't take them, please offer to someone else"

I really hope she doesn't reply. Things like this give me massive anxiety. God help me when he starts school and I have to deal with the school gate cliques.

OP posts:
ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 18/12/2018 18:24

God help me when he starts school and I have to deal with the school gate cliques.

I’m a new school gater, and I find that smiling but keeping to myself minimises the stress if that helps any. Smile I’m crap at being sociable, and don’t want to get involved in playground politics.

HotInWinter · 18/12/2018 18:25

I'd have risked it with my 2.5 yr old, but that doesn't mean it's right for your child.
Switch the phone off for a bit - or silence messages from her, and go for something fun with your little boy.

Original poster
nomorearsingmermaids · 18/12/2018 18:26

I’m a new school gater, and I find that smiling but keeping to myself minimises the stress if that helps any. smile I’m crap at being sociable, and don’t want to get involved in playground politics.

It seems to me though that you now have to be on school parent whatsapp groups and all sorts though?! And that you have to socialise with the other parents or your kid won't get to do playdates or whatever? When I was a kid I'm pretty sure my mum had no hand whatsoever in my friendships but it seems that it's all different now.

Totally off topic and probably a whole other thread!!!!!!!

OP posts:
itswinetime · 18/12/2018 18:26

She's trying to bully you into taking the tickets! She offered you declined! You have mucked her about or kept her hanging on you didn't ask her to get you the tickets! You have done nothing wrong. If she texts again don't reply! You have told her clearly multiple times!

ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 18/12/2018 18:28

It seems to me though that you now have to be on school parent whatsapp groups and all sorts though?! And that you have to socialise with the other parents or your kid won't get to do playdates or whatever? When I was a kid I'm pretty sure my mum had no hand whatsoever in my friendships but it seems that it's all different now.

I’ve been added to a FB group chat (I find group chats really difficult anyway) but I only kind of pop up if I know the answer to a question or need to ask one.
Play dates don’t really seem to happen at the moment, for any of the kids in DDs class, which is a shame. She’s happy enough though so that’ll do me.

Sparklesocks · 18/12/2018 18:30

She is lashing out about possibly losing the money and you’re getting the brunt. YANBU.

If she really wanted to she could probably find a buyer, or the theatre might take them as returns and refund her. But don’t worry at all, not your concern.

LilMy33 · 18/12/2018 18:30

YANBU I wouldn’t have taken either of mine at that age and my eldest could possibly have been ok but as panto tickets aren’t cheap and it’s a live performance not worth the aggro of upsetting anyone if it was a diaster.

jellybeanteaparty · 18/12/2018 18:31

I would reply, I have said no to the tickets 3 times . I do not need parenting advice on an event I have expressed no desire to attend untill my child is of the recommended age. ( Most panto,s say 3 plus) I appreciate being asked and am sorry you have spare tickets but I will not change my mind you need to ask someone else.

Original poster
nomorearsingmermaids · 18/12/2018 18:32

christ another bloody text

"well no one else is free and I know you are which is why I offered. you could always leave early."

OP posts:
ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 18/12/2018 18:33

Ignore. Ignore. Ignore.

So not only is she a rude, passive aggressive, bullying twat, she also asked everyone else first and is only badgering you because she wants the money! Horrid woman.

Sparklesocks · 18/12/2018 18:34

She won’t leave it will she!

I would just say I’ve already declined and thanked you and made myself clear, i won’t be replying after this. Thanks again and enjoy the show.

kaytee87 · 18/12/2018 18:38

Fucking hell. Just ignore her.

E20mom · 18/12/2018 18:38

I just looked up a local pantomime and it said under 3s are not admitted. The same might apply to the one you're invited to.

HPandBaconSandwiches · 18/12/2018 18:39

This woman is not your friend. Friends don’t treat each other like this.

Hushnownobodycares · 18/12/2018 18:39

Way back a friend insisted on taking 4 year old ds to an evening theatre show or her son's birthday. I did tell her he's be tired but she insisted and he slept most of the way through Grin. I wasn't too bothered because I hadn't paid but it still seemed rather a waste.

Your 'friend' has the skin of a rhino and more neck than a giraffe, OP. Stick to your guns. You're not her cash cow.

NancyDonahue · 18/12/2018 18:39

She's embarrassing herself now.

You have nothing to worry about op. You've done nothing wrong here. Ignore further texts as it sounds like she won't give up.

llangennith · 18/12/2018 18:39

Ignore her. That way you won't be tempted to tell her to bugger off. You know your DS and if you don't think he'd cope with it or enjoy it then it's your decision.
Your friend sounds very rude and bossy.

PowerhouseOfTheCell · 18/12/2018 18:40

Just put her messages on mute, she just trying to bully you into paying for tickets you both know you wouldn't use

Original poster
nomorearsingmermaids · 18/12/2018 18:42

I've just said no thank you, enjoy your evening.

OP posts:
ChristmasTwatteryDoesMyHeadIn · 18/12/2018 18:43

Well done! Hopefully she fucks off now and learns not to shell out for stuff she hasn’t checked with people first for!

Fluffymullet · 18/12/2018 18:43

Your friend is being rude and desparate to get rid of the tickets. Saying no-one else is free means she tried to palm them off on others first!

I took my DD at almost 3yo to a panto with her pre school last year ( felt mean not letting her go) and she was a nightmare. Every time there was a silence she asked really loudly if we could go home! I won't be going again!