to feel offended by presents I've just received

[thisisnothow]

I know I will be told I am ungrateful but quite frankly I wish they'd not even bothered. Just received a parcel from SIL damaged in the post. Due to damaged packaging I can see the gifts she has sent for us (DH, DC and me). I don't want to be too outing but she has obviously bought a load of cheap seconds (old and defected stuff) and given us that - no regard for whether it is a suitable gift or not. It is stuff I would not even consider re gifting. I feel so hurt and offended. Worse still, she sent me a list of what she and her family wanted which was way more than what we normally spend. She is not remotely short of money. I am lost for words and have no idea what I will say to her about the gifts when I see her.

Years ago I worked for a charity . I would attend the main office once or twice a week and for a Friday meeting so got to know the staff well . After I had been there a few months one of the staff had a birthday . A collection was made and I gave ( generously ) as did most others . She was given a silk top and we had a cake at the meeting. I was told " we like to make a fuss on people's birthdays" A few weeks later day before my birthday I attended the meeting . No cake on the table .But they wished me happy birthday . During the meeting a row broke out. I was a bit shocked at the venom. Suddenly the previous " birthday girl " said " hey guys , this isn't fair on Charity's birthday " they all mumbled their apologies . " shall we give her the present" it was produced . An almost dead miniature rose plant with a sticker from the local garage saying " reduced .99p " then they continued to row! I slipped away . Without my gift !!

Just say thank you - different people see presents differently - maybe she's like me and thinks that Christmas would be so much better without presents...

@Turquoise123 she sent a list of demands for her own families presents!

Why on Earth did you overspend on her just because she expected it? That was your lookout. I'd actually go to the hassle of sending it all back to her, 'Sorry, this arrived damaged and I'm sending it back to you so you can get a refund.' And then no more gifts. She brings it up all you say, 'We've decided to scale back Christmas and aren't doing gift exchange anymore.' And that's it. No need for drama. Just stop it.

Love response from Hellozzz
Please do that.

And stop sending presents to adults, and please ignore lists.
When I was a child my uncle used to give me a book for Christmas. Yes, it may be considered boring as a child, but I treasure them and the inscription. I still have them all. In our family individual presents and cards stopped at 18! But maybe we are just odd.

I just give SILs gift to me to the charity shop now without unwrapping it. There’s been so much regifting/tat/passive aggressive nastiness.

Was going to say “presents for kids only from now on” after 2016’s effort, but DH’s dad got cancer last year, and it would maybe upset him if I said that.

MypetPorghasdied - drop something on the parcel to make it worse, and then claim? That's dishonest. If there's something wrong with it you can claim - no need to dishonestly exaggerate it.

We now only buy family presents for the dch. My SIL once gave me a tin of tea from the back of MIL's cupboard that was nearly three years out of date. She lived and worked in London, too, so I was pretty offended. This year we did her a big (costly) favour and she gave me some food presents that I am positive had been given to her parents last Christmas (some things just aren't available in the summer!). They are going back to them this Christmas!

Just give what you want to give and get what you're given. All this list exchanging (what's the point - might as well buy your own) and totting up of gift values is horrible and hardly in the spirit of Christmas.

I guess it's the fact that being thought of doesn't matter anymore. The fact you even spoke about regifting something a family member gave you kinda says more about you than I think you intended. Christmas is about giving not one upsmanship or what you've done for me and how much it cost you to do it. Follow the tenants of the birthday boy. Be
The more generous giving person. (Embodiment of the spirit of Christmas) don't listen to the me boo(hoo) crowd and just be glad you have a family and loved ones. Nuff said

We were a bit naughty and opened a present early from my sis in law as we could tell they were either a box of chocolates or Christmas biscuits and we fancied some. More than happy with thatas a gift, apart from the fact they were six months out of date and totally rank! I feel your pain.

Here we go. Almost a week left to Christmas & the gift grumblers have started already ....

My SIL regifted my son a toy that she’d kept in storage for two years (the Amazon label, including date, proved it had been bought for her son’s birthday but for whatever reason, not given to him).

It was smashed to pieces inside the box and got binned straight away. Didn’t say anything, but with hindsight I wish I had. I could have played it innocent and asked her to get a replacement from Amazon.

So I do recommend you mention the contents are broken!

Someone once gave me a horrible bra the size of my head. My actual size is 34C. It wasn't a joke. I take most of my presents to charity shops.

My SIL and BIL are exactly the same. I buy really thoughtful gifts. And I get a packet of seeds (we don’t even have a garden!), a very ugly itchy scarf, and a silver braclet - I never wear silver. They get my daughter the weirdest plastic stuff. They had a baby this year, and unfortunately I can’t help but buy really nice stuff for the baby!!! I’m trying to perhaps lead the way!!

God i hate that kind of crap.

Say thank you. Next year just completely disregard her list and buy token presents only.

People like that really irritate me. And they bank on people being too nice to ever say anything or to treat them similarly.

If you have all your receipts for the gifts you have bought, bring them all back, and give them boots 2 for 3 gifts instead.

I had a similar experience with my incredibly mean at giving good at grasping SIL last year. Fortunately unfortunately she is no longer my SIL this year

I disagree entirely with your DH. He (and everyone else in the family, too, I expect) is enabling and indeed encouraging her selfish, entitled, grabby, piss-taking cuntishness. Further, in taking this stance he is actively taking her side as opposed to yours. Not cool.

Pack the twatty crap up for next year and re gift it back to her. Return everything else you have bought.

Send them right back to her claiming them were damaged. Don't bother next year.
It's not ungrateful at all, considering what she expects of you is far higher quality than what gives you. That to me sounds like taking the kids anyways.
I tend to get gifted stuff with hidden meanings.
"This is what I think you SHOULD like/is appropriate for your age and SHOULD be into,not what you ARE into or what you DO like!"
Ffs!!!!!!

Kids! Ha stupid autocorrect I meant p**s!

Advise sil she's an idiot and give to charity stop this swap nonsense and move on to better future.

My grandmother used to wait for all the presents to be opened, she would leave the room then come back with a gift for my mother, wrapped in used paper, it was usually a 1/4 of tea leaves.

She was a piece of work, if my parents went to GPs house for tea, DF would get a nice salad, DM would get a sandwich; eventually it came to light my GM told DF that my DM asked for a sandwich; DF got furious swapped his salad for the sandwich GM went ape!

My cousin and his wife ( extremely wealthy) used to buy my lovely Grandmother hideous cheap soaps ( non branded, not smelling nice) from budget/ cheap shops every Christmas
I used to say she should send them back on a birthday, or at least put them in the bin, she used to laugh, but had them on display in her bathroom in case they ever visited.
( they didn’t)

Keep the presents, put them away, and regift them back to them for birthdays throughout the year.

This was going to be my suggestion.

And next year, ignore her list and get her some tatty shite from a charity shop (break it yourself if necessary) and if she says anything, tell her you thought that was the sort of stuff she liked, seeing ss she always buys it for your family.

My brother once bought me a jar of rollmops (fish) wrapped in newspaper rather than wrapping paper. He didn't have much money at the time but I have no idea why he thought I'd want a jar of rollmops. I did say thank you. It makes me laugh to remember it.