Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel offended by presents I've just received

235 replies

thisisnothow · 18/12/2018 12:30

I know I will be told I am ungrateful but quite frankly I wish they'd not even bothered. Just received a parcel from SIL damaged in the post. Due to damaged packaging I can see the gifts she has sent for us (DH, DC and me). I don't want to be too outing but she has obviously bought a load of cheap seconds (old and defected stuff) and given us that - no regard for whether it is a suitable gift or not. It is stuff I would not even consider re gifting. I feel so hurt and offended. Worse still, she sent me a list of what she and her family wanted which was way more than what we normally spend. She is not remotely short of money. I am lost for words and have no idea what I will say to her about the gifts when I see her.

OP posts:
BobLemon · 19/12/2018 09:13

Has she not wrapped them? How can you see what all the gifts are/how do you know who they’re for?

Has she sent these to make a point because you didn’t send a list?

Are we talking cosmetics/smellies? Has she rummaged round the Boots factory shop? Would the items be particularly good presents IF they had been in good condition?

Are you going to get rid of them rather than (presumably re-wrap them) and give them to DCs?

Reallybadidea · 19/12/2018 09:17

It is precisely because it's the thought that counts that presents like these are so upsetting. Tells you everything about what the gift-giver thinks of you.

TranmereRover · 19/12/2018 09:27

My SIL requests things like a garmin / latest premiership strip for her kids - proper expensive stuff. Mine don’t get asked and get a £5 plastic toy set or a large wooden silhouette of an animal (not a toy, an flat, a sort of hideous interior decoration). Cheers! (She’s of course the one who is loaded with 15+ Property rentals and a boat etc but always pleads poverty. Attractive kind of poverty)

woollyheart · 19/12/2018 09:29

Make the hole bigger and wear the item when you visit her and thank her nicely.

Passive aggressive I know....

Lweji · 19/12/2018 09:33

It is stuff I would not even consider re gifting.

There is an obvious answer to your problem here... If you haven't bought their presents yet...

ginghamstarfish · 19/12/2018 09:43

Can't get my head round the meanness and greed of some folks! Also cannot believe that adults give family members wish lists .... in your immediate family maybe, where you are spending more, but otherwise just no, and token gifts for everyone else. OP, I hope you will not cover this up for your DC and pretend that SIL sent something nice (bought by you of course). At least you can say it was damaged etc so you will replace it with something else ... don't cover up for the CF. And tell your husband to man up and stop being a doormat! Just because he can't stand up to them doesn't mean that you can't. Do you want to continue like this for the next however many years?

headinhands · 19/12/2018 09:52

Your best stance is to just not give a fuck

iknowimcoming · 19/12/2018 09:56

I feel your pain op - my Pils do this every single year, think out of date chocolates, a chipped serving dish, garden lights for my Ds when he was about 10, playboy bunny earrings for dd when she was 8 etc etc they have also given us stuff that we have previously bought them! I have never and will never understand them, they are also loaded (funny how many people mentioned on here who do this are also well-off) when the dc were small it was really bad and we tried all sorts of methods to overcome it (we would suggest gifts, and at one point even bought the gifts for the pils to give them), but they still gave the crap stuff on top of this, so we gave up in the end.

Essentially they accumulate stuff from jumble sales, charity shops, sales etc all the time and when it's someone's birthday or Christmas they just divvy up what they have to whoever they have to give to with very little thought. It's now a Christmas tradition to see who gets the worst gift every year sadly. My kids (now almost adults) have always been polite and we always have a box on standby to put most of it in to take to a charity shop after Christmas. My birthday is a particular highlight as it's in early January so stocks are usually a bit low Wink

kalinkafoxtrot45 · 19/12/2018 10:14

Send it back, no comment.

Shame your DH is so spineless that he puts horrible SIL’s feelings ahead of his own family. However, it’s his problem now. I’d make no further effort whatsoever with her from now on.

When the shops are overflowing with nice, reasonably priced gifts, she certainly has put some work in to obtain such crap presents, and that’s a Christmas message all of its own.

TheSerenDipitY · 19/12/2018 10:30

one year i got a box of as seen on tv shop knives( the really crap kind) , with the receipt tucked in the side.... free gift with purchase... even worse the giver knew i had a full set of professional German steel knives as he told me where to get them engraved with my initials

woollyheart · 19/12/2018 10:39

I have had friends where we intentionally gave each other awful presents as a competition. Rules were that they had to be cheap, in as bad taste as possible and as unsuitable as possible.

Maybe she is playing this game?

It was very hard work, and we found the effort too much and gave up eventually. It was much easier to buy reasonably priced gifts that suited the recipient.

Reallybadidea · 19/12/2018 10:46

Be grateful. And learn a lesson

@Haloumi if you would actually do that yourself in the same circumstances then you're not a saint but a doormat with no self esteem.

Reallybadidea · 19/12/2018 10:47

OP where are you spending Christmas? The best possible revenge is to open these gifts in front of people who SIL knows. She will be outed as a nasty cheapskate.

haloumi · 19/12/2018 10:50

realbadidea you have a lot to learn, clearly

haloumi · 19/12/2018 10:51

@headinhands - most sensible answer on here!

haloumi · 19/12/2018 10:53

@realbadidea you have a lot to learn about life, clearly .... the only person to suffer here, is the OP ... it has nothing to do with being a doormat or having low self esteem.... maybe you should look inwards if this is how you feel?

PeapodBurgundy · 19/12/2018 10:58

Slightly off the original issue, but I don't get how people can be so brass necked as to ask for expensive items from others without being sure that they have a high budget for such items. Unless I've been told a set budget, I never suggest anything specific. A few people have asked what DS wold like this year, I've mentioned hi egg obsession, arts and crafts things, and anything Thomas the Tank as he'll love the gift whatever it is if it has Thomas on. That cover literally ANY budget. No embarrassment, no unwanted/unsuitable gifts to make polite faces about and then get rid of. Simpler all round.

mowglik · 19/12/2018 10:59

OP suck it up this year, thank them profusely and next year regift the lot back to them. Revenge is a dish best served cold Grin

haloumi I’m sure OP would have been more grateful if her sil hadn’t demanded expensive gifts in return.

WorraLiberty · 19/12/2018 17:40

You SO opened the prezzies to have a peek, OP Grin Grin Grin

Turquoise123 · 19/12/2018 17:45

Just say thank you - different people see presents differently - maybe she's like me and thinks that Christmas would be so much better without presents...

Hellozzz · 19/12/2018 17:51

Just say thank you so much, you really shouldn't have.

Every time they come round get the stuff out and make a proper fuss of the items.

Smile, smile & smile. Next year....

BeatriceBee · 19/12/2018 17:54

Great idea from BlueSuffragette, agree to buy for your own kids then label the presents up from them. Solves your problem, saves on postage and eliminates the chance of damage in transit and the kids get what they want. Win, win situation.

Cornishclio · 19/12/2018 17:54

I would not spend a penny on her or her family in future. Pass any lists on to your DH for him to deal with and he can post them too. I would not say thank you for her gifts just ditch them in the nearest bin.

Billydessert · 19/12/2018 17:56

Seeing as the package was damaged in the post, tell her the presents must have been damaged in the post too.
She's hardly likely to correct you and say they were damaged before hand. But it might give her some food for thought.