to feel offended by presents I've just received

[thisisnothow]

I know I will be told I am ungrateful but quite frankly I wish they'd not even bothered. Just received a parcel from SIL damaged in the post. Due to damaged packaging I can see the gifts she has sent for us (DH, DC and me). I don't want to be too outing but she has obviously bought a load of cheap seconds (old and defected stuff) and given us that - no regard for whether it is a suitable gift or not. It is stuff I would not even consider re gifting. I feel so hurt and offended. Worse still, she sent me a list of what she and her family wanted which was way more than what we normally spend. She is not remotely short of money. I am lost for words and have no idea what I will say to her about the gifts when I see her.

Oh definitely go to the trouble of sending everything back ASAP, with a text saying you have sent it all back and she needs to dig out the receipts and get a refund on the faulty/damaged goods.

Fuck would I not react to that.

Op you have contradicted yourself there. You say you want her to know how offensive she's been. Then tell her.

Why do people choose to be 'passive' ?

Are you scared of her? Is that why you won't say?

True nicoala1

Isn't present giving such a complicated social and emotional issue?

That's because giving presents is an expression of love and affection. Christmas has become so commercialised people just spend money and give presents for the sake of it. And then suddenly the giving of gifts is not an expression of love, but can actually cause great offense and deep hurt. I am hearing all sorts of tales of people being offended by what they have been given or that those who have given get an ungrateful response.

I don't know what the solution is, but I think people need to be told to either give from the heart or not give at all. And to the people who receive the gift, if they believe the gift was given from the heart, (even if it is not what they wanted), than that gift is gratefully received.

Gromit78 and everyone who has commented in this vein on OP's post. Those among us who are not vindictive go out armed with our lists and buy presents, willingly, for our family and friends.
I have learned - both from personal experience and from reading posts on Mumsnet - that others actually manipulate Christmas gift giving (and sometimes Birthdays too) to express their (non) feelings for the recipient. I would rather not have a present - I find buying presents for people that you have no annual interaction with a huge chore and that must be where all the inane gift sets go. 3 for 2 - Bring it on!! A gift can be 100% offensive. In which case it does not fall in the 'Gift' category. It is the cheapest, lowest insult and a tool for the 'gifter' to let you know how little they think of or respect you. The good news is, Christmas precludes New Year. Make a resolution to cut this dead wood out of your life - be up front and honest and say Our relationship has shifted massively, and I feel we should cut our losses.

Call her up and say 'I don't want you to have been ripped off, it seems these gifts might be seconds!'

“I really want her to know how offensive I find her. How do I do it passive aggressively?”

Go to boots 75% off sale in mid January and look for an edible product that expires Nov 2019.

Is she on Facebook? Take photos of the "presents" she sent thanking her for them. Tag her. Show the world what a tightarse she is

Wtf is the point of Christmas when it descends to this scraping barrel of human excremental behaviour.

Horro that people are twisted enough to buy shite presents deliberately, what is the matter with people. I bet these same people are moaning about how shit some people are, look in the mirror and leave Christmas as its turning it into the opposite of generous spirited Christmas cheer.

Christmas Grinches.