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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel offended by presents I've just received

235 replies

thisisnothow · 18/12/2018 12:30

I know I will be told I am ungrateful but quite frankly I wish they'd not even bothered. Just received a parcel from SIL damaged in the post. Due to damaged packaging I can see the gifts she has sent for us (DH, DC and me). I don't want to be too outing but she has obviously bought a load of cheap seconds (old and defected stuff) and given us that - no regard for whether it is a suitable gift or not. It is stuff I would not even consider re gifting. I feel so hurt and offended. Worse still, she sent me a list of what she and her family wanted which was way more than what we normally spend. She is not remotely short of money. I am lost for words and have no idea what I will say to her about the gifts when I see her.

OP posts:
Spudina · 18/12/2018 21:10

What I find weird is that these days supermarket clothes are so cheap, that you can get a nice present for a young child for very little money. Probably less than what she has spent to insult you. I'd struggle to let this go to be honest. But maybe peace on earth, goodwill to all men/in laws etc...My friend once got a box of half eaten chocolates from her MIL. Some people.

Yinv · 18/12/2018 21:22

Just make sure next year you say no presents to be exchanged. Put this years lot in bin.

BoomBoomsCousin · 18/12/2018 21:56

I like the regifting idea.

Alternatively, send them back to her now with a note "I think you sent us the charity box by mistake." Or, if you can get away with it (pretend the return address was ruined with the damaged parcel?), post a picture of the contents on whatever social media most the family are on and ask "Did anyone send this to us? And if so, what's it supposed to be for?"

Realistically, seeth a little, have some gin and next year, if you decide to exchange gifts next year, don't bother with her list.

ihopeyouwitchesareready · 18/12/2018 22:17

out of curiosity op what was the gifts?

Original poster
thisisnothow · 19/12/2018 08:11

I would love to tell SIL there is a hole in an item and ask her for the receipt but DH (her brother) is annoyingly refusing to get drawn into it. He says we are not going to stoop to her level and will continue to buy nice presents for them. I am still just fuming though.

OP posts:
Lordamighty · 19/12/2018 08:14

^^
This is exactly why these CFs get away with it. Leave the present buying to him next year.

Eve · 19/12/2018 08:21

I got my present yesterday from MIL - a box of the pound shop version of after eights ( I know as the previously used wrapping paper doesn’t quite meet at the bottom)

flumpybear · 19/12/2018 08:25

You know what to do next year then!!
Personally I'd send them back with a 'note' from the Royal Mail saying

Dear SIL this parcel open in transit and we're returning it to you to resend, we enclose a free gift for you, it's a used stamp, with our congratulations as you won the crappiest most thoughtless cheap skate gift this century - love the royal Mail ... I'm sure they wouldn't mind Wink

malificent7 · 19/12/2018 08:26

I am actually shocked that adults write each other lists for xmas gifts...cheeky fuckers!
I might even do the adult no gift thing next year...less stress and hassle...or secret Santa.

Sarahjconnor · 19/12/2018 08:32

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
thisisnothow · 19/12/2018 08:39

I agree. He can sort her stuff in future because I definitely won't.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 19/12/2018 08:39

and will continue to buy nice presents for them. I am still just fuming though

I hope that it's 'he' will continue to buy nice presents. He doesn't want to be drawn in but it means you're off the hook having anything to do with it.

startingafresh1 · 19/12/2018 08:40

OP it sounds very obvious that the gifts are damaged and factory seconds. I'm not sure why you think SIL wouldn't think that you would notice? It sounds to me as though she would know full well that you would realise what she has done.

Please try to remember that this situation says a great deal about SIL, and nothing about you. In other words she has some sort of issue- rising above it would be my way of dealing with it, but maybe I'm just too rubbish at confrontation.

loveka · 19/12/2018 08:41

We used to get this. The first Christmas I knew them they gave a list (partner had asked for list) with presents for hundreds of pounds.

We got a pan. One fucking pan. From Woolworths.

Not only that, they had clubbed together with other relatives to buy said pan.

I now buy them rubbish and they buy us rubbish. It feels like competitive rubbish giving.

They are loaded as well, half a million in the bank and tight as fuck.

Original poster
thisisnothow · 19/12/2018 08:46

Thanks startingafresh1. That is actually helpful. Thinking about it she must realise that it is blatantly obvious. She has always (since childhood) been competitive with DH who has had a lot of success in his career this year. Could have tipped her over the edge?!

OP posts:
Berthatydfil · 19/12/2018 08:47

Ask your dh why his sisters feelings are more important than his children’s and his wife’s?
So it’s ok for her to insult you but you can’t say let’s stop the presents (a polite way of drawing a line under it), call her out on it or from now on buy something equally crap for her?
Is he the family scapegoat ? Is she the golden child?
To have the gall to send a list for presents for her family and then buy damaged/second hand items is inexcusable and insulting unless that person is really skint.

GlassLantern · 19/12/2018 08:50

It is reasonable to say that the jumper is damaged and ask for a receipt to return.

Some samples not for sale are very valuable as they never went into production. Is is a well known designer?

Original poster
thisisnothow · 19/12/2018 08:50

Yes she is the family golden child and he was always the scapegoat.

OP posts:
ReanimatedSGB · 19/12/2018 08:53

Poor you, OP, but at least you can leave it all up to your H to buy for her family next year.
Mind you, generally: I buy some presents from seconds shops/second hand/pound shops because I don't have much spare cash and it is possible to find nice gifts that would suit the recipient (mugs, photoframes, books etc) if you know the recipient well or if it's a 'duty gift' and you want something thoroughly inoffensive.

missyB1 · 19/12/2018 08:57

Definitely don’t be responsible for buying her anything next year, she’s not your sister.

I get how annoyed you are, it happened to me with secret Santa at work last week. Angry

Safeandwarm · 19/12/2018 09:00

Keep seeing mn threads where high earning relatives buy cheap presents and expect expensive presents back.

Is this usual? I don’t know any high earners (except my parents and they are very generous, with everybody),

Aeroflotgirl · 19/12/2018 09:00

Very rude, a list like that would be deleted or go in the bin, unless I have asked her to give me a list. Just give her a card next year. Have you bought her presents, if you have, unwrap them and return them, or sell them on E bay.

startingafresh1 · 19/12/2018 09:00

Thisisnothow something seems to have tipped her over- unless there is a financial reason as to why she would do this (although as other posters have said it is possible to give much more thoughtful gifts on a budget).

I honestly would try to rise above it. You are the better person here, she is possibly looking for a fight- don't give her one.

Aeroflotgirl · 19/12/2018 09:02

If your husband wants to get her gifts, he can do it, and leave you out of it, hopefully he will see the light, of what a CF she is!

haloumi · 19/12/2018 09:02

My nan always said

"You shouldn't give to receive"

Be grateful. And learn a lesson

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