Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel offended by presents I've just received

235 replies

thisisnothow · 18/12/2018 12:30

I know I will be told I am ungrateful but quite frankly I wish they'd not even bothered. Just received a parcel from SIL damaged in the post. Due to damaged packaging I can see the gifts she has sent for us (DH, DC and me). I don't want to be too outing but she has obviously bought a load of cheap seconds (old and defected stuff) and given us that - no regard for whether it is a suitable gift or not. It is stuff I would not even consider re gifting. I feel so hurt and offended. Worse still, she sent me a list of what she and her family wanted which was way more than what we normally spend. She is not remotely short of money. I am lost for words and have no idea what I will say to her about the gifts when I see her.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 18/12/2018 17:59

Stopped buying for brother and his wife pronto after two years on the trot of giving gifts and getting nothing. Brother obviously thought sil should get the gift once they were together. Well she wasn’t working so I think he had a point. First year she feigned embarrassment. Second year I couldn’t believe they still gave nothing. Nice gifts too. But of course she took delight in telling me she’d finally found a use for one of the gifts.

The only time we every got anything from them was if we actually saw them Xmas day. Presents total shite. Bought off the market stall with no thought. She couldnt be bothered all those years of despite being a SAHW. Neither could my brother.

I had to grit my teeth and say thanks to a cheap scarf or cheap knitted gloves etc.

KC225 · 18/12/2018 18:14

Agree with Princess Scarlet, send it back (she pays postage) telling her it was damaged and she should claim for the contents then use this as a reason to stop exchanging gifts next year.

sheldonstwin · 18/12/2018 18:15

MY nasty, snotty, 2-faced, weird SIL once gave my diabetic mum a very cheap box of chocolates for Christmas. Where do you start, with someone like that?

sheldonstwin · 18/12/2018 18:16

And yes, OP send it back.

KnightlyMyMan · 18/12/2018 18:16

I find it really odd that people feel obliged to buy items from a list 🤔

I mean they’re awesome for ‘inspiration’ but if a cf sent me a list of stuff that was over and above what I’d usually spend I’d just scale it down to fit budget. Or go ahead and buy them what I was going to and say ‘oh I couldn’t get to X shop and didn’t want to risk delivery as I’m never in to collect! Thought you’d like X instead - anyways Christmas isn’t really about gifts is it? 😬’

CurlyhairedAssassin · 18/12/2018 18:35

I woukd email her to say You think someone might have stolen the gifts she sent as the box has clearly been opened and made to look like damage. You’re wondering if the thief also put some shit worthless items in instead in the hope it wouldn’t be questioned.

Grin
Angrybird345 · 18/12/2018 18:42

Do what curly assassin says!! She’s a cf!

eggsandwich · 18/12/2018 18:46

What about saying, “judging by the quality of the gifts you have sent us in recent years you now feel it is time to call it quits as you feel it is too embarrassing to receive gifts where so much thought and expense has been given and that it is only fair that you stop buying for each other, and that if she has already (supposedly) brought gifts for the following year, suggest she re-gifts them to her family as I’m sure they will be delighted with them as you have been”.

BrokenWing · 18/12/2018 18:53

Tell her it has a hole in it, or doesn't fit and ask for the receipt to return

Thecurtainsofdestiny · 18/12/2018 18:57

Friends once gave our (then) four year old a Christmas gift of aroll of Sellotape that they'd got freeHmm

Mummyoflittledragon · 18/12/2018 19:04

curlyhaired
Grin. Brilliant!!

ohwellinthatcasetryprunes · 18/12/2018 19:06

Is this your db's wife or your dh's sister?

Redken24 · 18/12/2018 19:07

Just stop buying for them. That's what we did for bil

ILoveDolly · 18/12/2018 19:18

I sent a list to one relative this year but only in desperation. Every year they buy a lot for our dc but it is all broken used toys and items from charity shops or tatty things from the market. This relative is extremely rich, they just think they're being savvy. But my dc are well provided for and they aren't babies so they find the obvious second hand/ random nature of the gifts confusing. We brought them up to say thank you but last year we were really struggling. I got something which smelled and my teenager got something so unsuitable she took me to one side and asked what she should do.
I think if you are polite and always gratefully receive any gift some people see it as an opportunity to save some money. If you were a complainer or always asked for the receipt (like my SIL) they know they can't get away with it. You either have to suck it up or be more demanding in future.

DogMamma · 18/12/2018 19:19

God what's wrong with people! Some of you or your kids gave gotten some shite! If money is tight for some you can get some little gems in charity shops and eBay ok they may be second hand but if in excellent condition and it's an appropriate gift for the receiver something they like or are into it will most definitely be the thought that counts...I was skint one year and managed to get my mum a beautiful jacket In a charity shop that looked as if was straight from the retailer she still wears it to this at and it cost me the grand total of 4 quid. I told her where I'd got it because she thought I'd spent a lot of money she couldn't believe it I do think where possible people should buy brand new but sometimes it's not possible when money is tight, the same year i also got my cousin a complete vintage tea set for 2.50!

MayFayner · 18/12/2018 19:21

I wouldn’t send them back- too much hassle.

I’d chuck the gifts / give them to charity or clothes bank if suitable.

Then I would never spend another penny on that family again. Ever.

DogMamma · 18/12/2018 19:22

To be honest that year was probably my best gift giving because I really had to work to find suitable gifts on such a small budget. I felt terrible only spending a small amount but I nailed the gifts took weeks searching charity shops vintage shops and eBay it was hard work, woth some new gift boxes and beautiful wrapping the gifts looked good

OlennasWimple · 18/12/2018 19:24

Let her know that it was damaged in transit - but don't sit on it to make the damage worse (as suggested by a pp). It's not the delivery firm's fault that SiL has sent awful gifts

Shirleyphallus · 18/12/2018 19:25

I’d give her a call and calmly explain that they’re factory seconds (or whatever they are) and that she’s a cheeky caaaaah basically

Nanny0gg · 18/12/2018 19:34

...it's the thought that counts

As I say every time this subject comes up, only if there is any!!

I can't believe so many of you don't say anything!

DogMamma · 18/12/2018 19:35

True @Nanny0gg

ILoveDolly · 18/12/2018 20:17

Exactly @nannyogg if the gift is well chosen and suitable it doesn't matter if its new old or regifted. If it's just shite you wrapped up to look like you gave a gift then, meh, i would rather not have it.

Cheerbear23 · 18/12/2018 20:30

I’d find this really offensive too OP. I’d ask for the receipt and say you can’t wear it as it has a hole in it or something similar. Sadly My mum (no shortage of cash) is similar, she thinks ‘seconds’ are bargains, but it’s invariably got a wonky zip or missing something. I find it offensive that I’m only worth a ‘second’ type gift.
I think buying seconds or even second hand for a gift is fraught with problems and sends a message to the recipient. Not everyone appreciates second hand stuff.

Yohooo · 18/12/2018 20:51

My husbands brother bought us not one but two cheese boards sets last Xmas. Which is one more than the one he bought us the year before. My husband hates cheese and has never eaten it in his life.

Still, it's the thought that counts 😂

madcatladyforever · 18/12/2018 20:53

Keep her presents and next year regift them back to her - that will teach her to send you crap.
Do it - I would.