Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to feel offended by presents I've just received

235 replies

thisisnothow · 18/12/2018 12:30

I know I will be told I am ungrateful but quite frankly I wish they'd not even bothered. Just received a parcel from SIL damaged in the post. Due to damaged packaging I can see the gifts she has sent for us (DH, DC and me). I don't want to be too outing but she has obviously bought a load of cheap seconds (old and defected stuff) and given us that - no regard for whether it is a suitable gift or not. It is stuff I would not even consider re gifting. I feel so hurt and offended. Worse still, she sent me a list of what she and her family wanted which was way more than what we normally spend. She is not remotely short of money. I am lost for words and have no idea what I will say to her about the gifts when I see her.

OP posts:
Weathermonger · 18/12/2018 14:48

ScrantonTheElectricCity Their reasoning was because my daughter's favourite colour was purple (it wasn't) and that she'd "grow into it". I was too polite to rip them a new one - as much as I wanted to.

Loftyswops988 · 18/12/2018 15:01

This thread has made me feel slightly better about the amount of shitty SILs there are going around. I thought i was the only one missing out on that nice sisterly love Xmas Grin

Kpo58 · 18/12/2018 15:08

I'd be tempted to sent the box back with a note on it saying, should this have been sent to the charity shop?

BuffaloCauliflower · 18/12/2018 15:20

I don’t understand how you can tell they’re old stock? Or are they just crap presents?

Original poster
thisisnothow · 18/12/2018 15:20

Just been looking at the tat again. One item has a small hole in the front. Another has a label that says 'sample not for resale'. I am no so incredibly pissed off it will be hard to come back from this and be civil to her.

OP posts:
SirVixofVixHall · 18/12/2018 15:29

What are they, toys, clothes ?

cowfacemonkey · 18/12/2018 15:34

That is pretty shit. Not a lot you can do this year and next year I would suggest you say that you’d prefer not to exchange gifts as you are putting the money towards a family day out over Xmas (that’s what we did got a few raise eyebrows but it has become standard that we just don’t do gifts and we do something as a family)

MinorRSole · 18/12/2018 15:35

My sil always gifts utter shite, wrapped up beautifully but clearly picked up at church fetes or similar (puzzles with pieces missing and that kind of thing complete with tatty boxes). I send her dc nice gifts (not their fault) but they get the half price toiletry sets - wrapped beautifully of course!

HouseworkIsASin10 · 18/12/2018 16:20

Weathermonger I would have just said 'are you fucking kidding?!!' Then I would have told DD I would buy her something decent to compensate for the total show of a dress.

PumpkinKitty82 · 18/12/2018 16:28

We’ve had this situation.
Pisses me right off!
We get a list of quite expensive stuff and because dh is generous and a nice person he happily gets them for them .
We however get a pile of crap like socks and novelty stuff for the garden .
I get they don’t have lots of money but a little effort wouldn’t go amiss !
I think it would be fair to either both have lists or neither have lists tbh as I begrudge people expecting us to buy expensive presents

Fairylightfurore · 18/12/2018 16:38

Tell her the parcel arrived damaged and suggest secret Santa/ charity donation next year.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 18/12/2018 16:59

Hang on to the stuff, next birthday/celebration that requires you to give a gift to SiL, repackage what she has sent you. What goes around comes around. Literally! Grin

DogMamma · 18/12/2018 17:04

I once was given a cheap shoeshine kit in was abiut 8/9 I think.
By a great aunt she is terrible at gift giving but she always gives and that's nice...it's the thought that counts

This year off my sister I've asked for new silicone spatulas set of 4 off eBay for 3 quid...I'm actually really excited to have them !

CuriousaboutSamphire · 18/12/2018 17:14

Back when we didn't know we didn't like bill/sil we used to spend a large amount of enjoyable time finding gifts they would like. None of us had much cash so, in my head, the thought counted.

The thought I got included: a nylon leopard print square shaped jumper thing; the free gift you get with your first catalogue order (explanatory label included) and a wooden duck.

The free gift came the year I bought her a salsa CD and a hand made gift certificate for a great class she had wanted to try. She complained that the certificate was not transferable to her favourite wine bar!

And some people wonder why I don't like her Smile

CuriousaboutSamphire · 18/12/2018 17:16

Sorry, so yes, I too would say save it and send it back, beautifully wrapped, next year

MissTeriName · 18/12/2018 17:17

We must have the same evil SIL!
One year mine sent my DD a broken puppet. All the strings were cut and tangled. In brown paper, no padding, so the rest of it was broken too. Blatant insult (SIL always hated me). DD was very upset.

MadisonAvenue · 18/12/2018 17:22

Love the suggestion someone made about returning them to her so that she could get a refund on broken items.

We had similar a few years ago. A family member who has a highly paid and senior role with a large retailer always used to give us an item from their range, one year though she gave us something that was obviously damaged stock. I couldn't do that.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 18/12/2018 17:35

Return them, with a note to say I think you sent these to us by mistake, they obviously weren’t intended for us. They arrived damaged so you may want to take this up with [insert delivery service here]

Ggirl27 · 18/12/2018 17:36

I would give it back to her, point out the contents flaws, say the box was obviously damaged in transit and hope she would be able to get a refund for the items she purchased. Couldn't let that pass without comment I'm afraid...

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 18/12/2018 17:36

X post

cuppycakey · 18/12/2018 17:37

Is SIL your brothers wife (have a word with him) or your DH sister (can he speak to her?)

If this is stuff that has not for sale, and has holes in it then you may as well take the nuclear option of just returning it with her with no comment.

Sallycinammonbangsthedruminthe · 18/12/2018 17:42

OP Get this ...I know someone who has just been given for Christmas by the closest of relatives you can get...a buzz bingo lolly and a bottle of buzz bingo wine...given free at the bingo Christmas party and regifted...why on earth do people bother...they arrived at my friends house today at 11.05 and were in the bin at 11.10 and my friend has been so upset all day ....the people who gifted her this are going on one of their 4 holidays abroad next week...the tight mean skinflinty nasty evil bastards....ranting on her behalf bless her

Amber0685 · 18/12/2018 17:44

Next year say you think it would be better if you buy your own gifts, as obviously you know your own family's tastes better so can get something to their taste. Not much you can do about this years although if you have fb I would be tempted to post photos of the lovely gifts your darling sil bought.

68Anon · 18/12/2018 17:45

I am lost for words and have no idea what I will say to her about the gifts when I see her.

Why not tell her the truth? Tell her what you wrote in your post....'that you obviously bought a load of cheap seconds (old and defected stuff) and given us that - no regard for whether it is a suitable gift or not. It is stuff I would not even consider re gifting'.

If you don't say anything then are you only contributing to her behaviour and enabling her to continue along similar lines next Christmas.

PrincessScarlett · 18/12/2018 17:53

Definitely send it all back to her stating that it arrived damaged/broken, she should take it up with delivery company/manufacturer and that as of now let's not bother buying each other Christmas presents.