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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - not spending dds first christmas with her?

382 replies

BlondeAmbition44 · 16/12/2018 20:19

DD was born 8 weeks ago and its her first christmas Xmas Grin I am really excited and am really looking forward to it. DP on the other hand keeps saying he doesnt understand why its such a big thing as she wont remember it...

now heres where i might be being unreasonable, both sets of parents have offered to have us on christmas day, my parents can only have everyone on christmas day as db is working boxing day, however dp "dm" is insisting he is at their house christmas eve, christmas day and boxing day...

He has agreed it is best for me and dd to go to my parents on christmas day so he will leave us up to stay on christmas eve and he will lift her in the morninh for boxing day at his parents... am i being unreasonable to think he should want to spend some time with dd on christmas day and not just to drop us off on xmas eve and back to lift her on boxing day, and am i being unreasonable to think his "dm" shouldnt be insisting on all 3 days with him?

OP posts:
blackteasplease · 16/12/2018 21:12

Crap sorry I think I misread some of this. I thought just dp wasn't going to be with you not that you would be parted from dd! Ignore me.

pallisers · 16/12/2018 21:12

DP doesn't see you as a family unit. He appears to view the situation as his family is with MIL and yours is with your DM with DD being an asset to be shared between you. What kind of life or attitude is that. I'm afraid it doesn't bode well for the future.

This sums it up perfectly.

blackteasplease · 16/12/2018 21:13

He is obviously bvu to suggest he should take dd to somewhere you aren't invited!

ViragoKnows · 16/12/2018 21:14

my parents can only have everyone on christmas day as db is working boxing day, however dp "dm" is insisting he is at their house christmas eve, christmas day and boxing day...

Why is his mother in inverted commas but your parents aren't? Hmm

Deadbudgie · 16/12/2018 21:15

Just realised they want your baby without you on Boxing Day. Quit being polite tell them to fuck off to the land of get the fuck away then fuck off some more. Tell them you will be home with the baby and your partner, enjoying your first Christmas together. Ask them what time they will be visiting for tea

FairyBunnyAgain · 16/12/2018 21:15

Are you both adults or children playing a poor game of families in the playhouse?
Parents who are a couple with a small child spend Christmas together visiting family or celebrating in their own home. One partner does not run home to mummy when she calls and you do not separate a 8 week old baby from their mummy.
It sounds like your ‘D’P does not see himself as a parent or partner just as mummy’s little boy, I suggest you send him packing.

cuppycakey · 16/12/2018 21:16

Why on earth would you agree to this?

Just say no - you are not being separated from your DD over Christmas. MIL can fuck off. If Dh kicks up then you have a DH problem, not a MIL problem.

UnicornSlaughters · 16/12/2018 21:18

You're acting like a couple who have broken up, sharing custody across the festive period. Is this what you want to happen every year going forwards? You need to nip this shit in the bud before it becomes a weird family tradition.

Helpisneeded13 · 16/12/2018 21:19

Also my dm has invited me and my dc but not my partner, she's some how taking a dislike to him, even though he hasn't done anything. And I told her clearly, that I wouldn't be splitting my family up Christmas Day and even if she change her mine and said he could come I wouldn't now because she originally didn't invited him.
A parent shouldn't put their child in to that pick me situation.

Original poster
BlondeAmbition44 · 16/12/2018 21:19

@ViragoKnows because she is dp "dm" i find her VERY hard work but am pleasent for his sake and at the end of the day my feelings about her aside she is my dd's gm and his mother...

OP posts:
hammeringinmyhead · 16/12/2018 21:20

I would imagine "dm" is because the OP isn't feeling the D part...

YANBU. My DS will be 7 weeks at Christmas and I will be separated from him for a full day over my dead body. And that's from someone who has been out for a couple of hours a few times since birth so I'm not PFB.

Bibijayne · 16/12/2018 21:23

Seriously OP, do not let him take your baby away. If you're not invited somewhere, nor is your baby.

DeeOK · 16/12/2018 21:23

Sounds like his mum is a bit controlling and he's enabling this. I would want to spend the day together. Seems an odd arrangement tbh and for me the age of your baby is irrelevant- you're a family unit. YANBU

Nicknamesalltaken · 16/12/2018 21:24

Start as you mean to go on.

Have Christmas at home.

Aren’t you absolutly fucking livid??

ViragoKnows · 16/12/2018 21:25

ViragoKnows because she is dp "dm" i find her VERY hard work but am pleasent for his sake and at the end of the day my feelings about her aside she is my dd's gm and his mother...

Yes his mother, not his “mother”.

You know this is a DP problem you hve and not a MIL problem?

Iloveacurry · 16/12/2018 21:25

Why can’t you all go your DMs for Christmas Day, then on to his DMs on Boxing Day? You’re are family unit now, so should be together.

ViragoKnows · 16/12/2018 21:25

Start as you mean to go on.

Have Christmas at home.

^^THIS

3WildOnes · 16/12/2018 21:28

This whole situation is very bizarre. You, dh and dd are a family and should be spending Christmas as a family. At your house, your parents or his parents but together as a family. He should not be taking your 8 week old baby away for a day off you are in any way uncomfortable with this. My husband and I alternate Christmas, one year with my family and the next with his.
I say this in all seriousness, you and your dp need to go on an assertiveness training course together. You need to be more assertive with your dp and him with his mother. I think you should both go to couples counselling together too.

AJPTaylor · 16/12/2018 21:29

How old is dp?
If he is over 18 he should want to be with you and dd for Xmas
Hth

MinecraftHolmes · 16/12/2018 21:31

Who chooses to separate an 8 week old baby from it's mother? No way would I be agreeing to that.

BarbedBloom · 16/12/2018 21:32

There is nothing wrong with setting certain boundaries and my line in the sand would be the plan to take your 8 week old baby away for a whole day. Just say no. Yes things may be unpleasant after but you have to do something now as this is ridiculous

Ghanagirl · 16/12/2018 21:32

OP
Not sure why you want to spend time away from a eight week old baby

bellabasset · 16/12/2018 21:33

I think your dp should be spending Xmas Day with you and your dd either at your home or your parents. Let him visit his dm on Boxing Day but it's not acceptable taking such a young baby from her mother.

I can't imagine why she think it's acceptable or why she hasn't invited you to visit with the baby. You, DP and dd are a family.

Tinyteatime · 16/12/2018 21:37

It incredibly weird that a couple who are committed enough to have a baby would spend Christmas apart, let alone one of you not see your baby on Xmas day. YANBU.

BrendasUmbrella · 16/12/2018 21:39

Does he intend to do this every year? It's something you need to discuss urgently.

And do not let him take the baby for the whole day if it will cause you distress. He sounds like he may be as controlling as his mother...

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