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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU - not spending dds first christmas with her?

382 replies

BlondeAmbition44 · 16/12/2018 20:19

DD was born 8 weeks ago and its her first christmas Xmas Grin I am really excited and am really looking forward to it. DP on the other hand keeps saying he doesnt understand why its such a big thing as she wont remember it...

now heres where i might be being unreasonable, both sets of parents have offered to have us on christmas day, my parents can only have everyone on christmas day as db is working boxing day, however dp "dm" is insisting he is at their house christmas eve, christmas day and boxing day...

He has agreed it is best for me and dd to go to my parents on christmas day so he will leave us up to stay on christmas eve and he will lift her in the morninh for boxing day at his parents... am i being unreasonable to think he should want to spend some time with dd on christmas day and not just to drop us off on xmas eve and back to lift her on boxing day, and am i being unreasonable to think his "dm" shouldnt be insisting on all 3 days with him?

OP posts:
Ceilingrose · 16/12/2018 22:42

Tell him to sod off.

Chocolateheaven123 · 16/12/2018 22:43
Shock

My mum has had a few quibbles with my brother and SIL in the last couple of years, and even she would never pull this shit. Theyre having their first baby next year and no WAY would she demand that my brother go to hers for 3 days and leave the baby without its mum for a full day. Disgusting behaviour and the fact that he is allowing it is even worse.

Yes your baby is too young to be aware but it's the principle of the matter. He needs to grow a pair and fucking start putting you first.

OhLemons · 16/12/2018 22:44

He's of an age where it's acceptable to be away from your Mum for a day, at 8 weeks old it's not okay (unless it was what you wanted).

Why are you not invited?

Magissa · 16/12/2018 22:45

Your baby is too young to be snatched away from you for a whole day just to pacify the old dragon who can't bear to be away from her adult son. Do not let this happen because you will have a horrible day worrying about her. Honestly it makes me so angry that he and his mother could even contemplate this.

OrdinarySnowflake · 16/12/2018 22:47

Your DP needs to realise his most important role is of parent, not child anymore.

Unless parents are divorced/separated, it's not normal for a Mum and Dad to not spend Christmas together with their child. Does he understand that you 3 are a family now?

OrdinarySnowflake · 16/12/2018 22:52

Actually, ask your DP who his 'family' is. If he says DD and you first, ask him why he doesn't want to spend Christmas with his family. If he says DM first, then you ahve a bigger problem in that he doesn't see your relationship as long term, and his commitment to his child as most important.

Original poster
BlondeAmbition44 · 16/12/2018 22:54

@OhLemons she has too many on boxing day apparently Hmm

The more responces i read the angrier im getting, i just feel like i want to cry none of this situation is okay, im trying to keep everyone happy and really making myself miserable, going to have to sit dp down and "lay down the law"... god i must sound like such a delight Blush Blush

OP posts:
Iloveautumnleaves · 16/12/2018 22:55

Like fuck would I be living with a bloke who did what his mammy told him & who didn’t want to be with me and our baby at Christmas, who’d rather appease his mammy who is openly hostile to me.

...and there’s absolutely NO WAY he’d be taking 9 our week old DD away from me. Mammy, or me & DD.

BeanBagLady · 16/12/2018 22:56

No way.

No way at all would I agree to that.

He seems to be doing his best to avoid spending any of Christmas with YOU. Not MIL, him. How does he remotely think it is Ok to go to his family for Christmas and not spend time with your parents? How does he remotely think it acceptable to collect your 8 week old, take her from you, when you are not invited?

It isn’t MIL who is your problem it is ‘D’P.

Christmas Eve at his parents, Christmas Day at yours, Boxjng day at his, maybe.

OP, seriously, do not allow yourself to be treated like this. Especially not for you only to see him over the whole of Christmas because he is popping in to take your baby off you!

You are focussing in the wrong problem.

Your DP is a complete git and I don’t see how he is in any way behavjng like your partner.

Do not let him take your baby to his family’s without you.

And look into getting rid of him.

SadAngry

whatamessitalis · 16/12/2018 22:56

BlondeAmbition your baby is too young to be away from you at 8 weeks unless it's your decision.

You are your baby's mum. What you says goes, not MIL. You need to put your foot down.

What she's asking for is utterly unreasonable. Don't let anyone tell you you're having a day off. Say "No. My baby stays with me." Don't budge.

Your, DP and the baby are the core family unit now. Your MIL needs to back off and let her son be a father.

No way should she be expecting the baby without you, nor should your DP be entertaining this. Nor should she be demanding DP stays 3 days with her. This is nuts.

Your DP needs to grow a pair.

Nicknamesalltaken · 16/12/2018 22:57

You’ve just had a baby.

This is the one time in your life you come first, no question.

MadeForThis · 16/12/2018 22:57

Don't try to keep everyone happy. Who is trying to make YOU happy. You have recently given birth. You should not be away from your 8 week old.

Your DH is spineless. Put your foot down even if he can't.

FestiveNut · 16/12/2018 22:57

If you're still at the stage where being away from baby at all makes you anxious (I still am after six months) at the very least insist on going with your daughter to your in-laws house. No need to make yourself miserable and I'm sure your parents will understand.

FestiveNut · 16/12/2018 22:59

Just to be clear, I mean go with her on boxing day rather than for all three days. At 8 weeks, if she is anything like my DD, she will be very upset if you aren't with her.

KC225 · 16/12/2018 22:59

My twins were 7 months on their first Christmas. I had loads of Boots points. I went to the baby department in Oxford Street and managed to get 2 sets three for two toys on my points. Didn't cost me a penny. They got three toys each and didn't cosy me a penny and way too much from everyone else.

ThanosSavedMe · 16/12/2018 23:00

Did I read this right. They expect you to be apart from your 2 month old baby on Boxing Day? They are fucking insane! A day off?????

Hell would freeze over before that would happen.

FestiveNut · 16/12/2018 23:00

Make it clear that DD and you are a package deal and she doesn't get one without the other.

Raven88 · 16/12/2018 23:00

Please stand up for yourself and say no to Boxing Day. Don't let DP make you feel like you are overreacting. He needs to grow a pair.

YouCouldBeMe · 16/12/2018 23:02

The three of you are meant to be a family unit. However with how he is treating you it's like you're a new girlfriend!

Waddsup12 · 16/12/2018 23:02

If you don't lay the law down now, it'll only get worse. This is the precedent. No respect for you as the mother of their grandchild...

HollowTalk · 16/12/2018 23:03

There is no way on this earth I'd be away from my baby at Christmas.

ThanosSavedMe · 16/12/2018 23:03

Stop trying to make everyone else happy. You need to have a serious conversation with your dp about priorities.

Your dd is not a toy to be passed around, a thing to be shown off to. Right now you and your dd are a package, wherever you go, she goes.

JassyRadlett · 16/12/2018 23:03

They don’t want you, they don’t get the baby. You’re a package deal. Don’t allow him to do this to you.

The package deal should include your partner, but he doesn’t seem to get that.

DadJoke · 16/12/2018 23:04

His duty is to be with you and DD on Christmas Day. It should also be his first choice and pleasure, which is more worrying. YANBU.

Findingdotty · 16/12/2018 23:06

YANBU but I would say this is weird behaviour on your DPs part. Why does he not want to spend with you - DD completely aside. I find that odd especially as you gave birth to his child 8 weeks ago. My DP would not have been anywhere else when DD was 8 weeks old let alone on Christmas Day.
I agree with other posters that you want to get it sorted with your MIL before you set a precedent that she can dictate what your family/DP does every Christmas.

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