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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbour has ignored us for over a year

318 replies

Mk1234 · 14/12/2018 08:26

We moved in a year ago, next door to us are a couple with 2 girls. Few weeks after moving i went over with some some chocolates and said hi and general chat outside door step with the man, i even said tell your other half to pop over for a cuppa it would be lovely to meet her. The man has always been polite to us and will acknowledge us however the woman has not once said hi, there have been times when she is in the house and ive gone to drop off their parcel and she has not opened the door instead shes waited for her husband to come home to collect it.
From what i can tell there are no language barriers or health issues from what i can tell. Im not too bothered by it in all honesty as ive got far to much going on in my own life but just out of curiosity im baffaled as to why she is ignoring us.

OP posts:
MycatiscalkedElvis · 15/12/2018 17:34

Oh god! I’m living this. My house is the only local authority house in my Road. All the houses avg 500 thousand. Both my neighbors either side are rude snobs who think I’m beneath them and one actually asked me, when I first moved what my circumstances are! The previous tenant had lived here for 45 years and was accepted because she was here before them. The hostility I receive is shocking. Some people are just so damn weird.

CarrieBlu · 15/12/2018 17:36

People are all very different. On one side of us we have a lovely couple who we chat easily with, and have a Whatsapp group set up between us so we can easily let each other know about any upcoming parties/DIY noise or whatever. On the other side we have the most miserable couple I’ve ever met, all we ever hear them do is whinge and moan at each other and when we bump into them they’re as miserable as sin then too! The wife in particular will keep her head down and ignore us. But that’s fine, we just let her do what she wants to do.

WhyDontYouComeOnOver · 15/12/2018 17:54

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Zbag · 15/12/2018 17:56

I never talk to my neighbours. I wouldn't answer the door if they knocked either.

cuppycakey · 15/12/2018 17:58

I don't really understand why you went round there with chocolates? What was that all about? It seems a really odd thing to do and I would think someone was a proper weirdo if they did that, and would probably avoid them thereafter.

If the parcel thing bothers you, stop taking them in.

WhyDontYouComeOnOver · 15/12/2018 18:02

How does this work?
Can't open the door, but can manage to be aggressive af online

Yep. Door knocking is a trigger, can't open it.

So is it really just the face to face bit

Nope, I'm a teacher. Face to face is fine. It's the door that's the trigger.

Like be a decent human being

I am generally, but when people are rude and disablist, I will fight back.

Charlie97 · 15/12/2018 18:02

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HarrySnotter · 15/12/2018 18:04

I'm not massively sociable with my neighbours - a quick 'hello' is about it and that's the way I like it. However, if someone has been good enough to take a parcel in for me, then bring it round, I would open the door and thank them. Not to do so is nothing to do with being unsociable, it's just rude.

WhyDontYouComeOnOver · 15/12/2018 18:05

I'm not angry Smile

Charlie97 · 15/12/2018 18:05

@WhyDontYouComeOnOver I am not disablist you've made that shit up!

You work as a teacher but can't afford a locker for parcels even though it's a massive trigger the door being knocked! Really??? Would've thought that was priority!

WhyDontYouComeOnOver · 15/12/2018 18:08

I don't make up lies.

Ah, so you're descending into the implications that I'm a liar? At this point, once I've said my piece, I'll stop responding, as it has nothing to do with the thread. Yes, I'm a teacher. No, I can't afford a locking box, nor would I want one. As previously stated, if I arrange deliveries, I arrange them for when my husband is at home. My postman doesn't knock, as he knows me. No one else knocks as they know not to. My finances are nothing to do with anyone else.

Oh, and it seems like you are the one with an anger problem Wink Have a wonderful evening!

DaveTheDesigner · 15/12/2018 18:08

Had similar experience. Completely blanked us. One day, delivery guy wants to drop off something of theirs as they’re out. Used to take in stuff for previous family all the time with no complaints. Suddenly delivery guy apologises and says sorry the instructions say not to leave with number xx. Our house. Didn’t want be be ‘friends’ with them, just sociable, but plainly they couldn’t be arsed. Gone now. Good riddance!

Charlie97 · 15/12/2018 18:10

@WhyDontYouComeOnOver yes probably best you stop responding! Honestly though door knocking is a trigger and awful but you can't afford a box to put parcels in to avoid it?

RaspberryRipple1963 · 15/12/2018 18:17

Can people please stop using the word 'antisocial'?! It has a different meaning to 'unsociable'.

Antisocial - behaving in a disruptive,aggressive or law breaking manner.
Unsociable - not wanting to mix with or associate with other people.

madcatladyforever · 15/12/2018 18:21

It was the same at my last house, my neighbours were incredibly unfriendly and rude and wouldn't even look at me never mind say hello.
My current house couldn't be more different, I know all my neighbours and we are good friends.
I live by the sea now so I don't know if that makes a difference?

Retired65 · 15/12/2018 18:29

The house next door is rented to a couple with a two year old child. The man will say hello if you say hello to him but the lady will totally ignore you, although she has had a short conversation with my husband.

The strange thing is a van was seen at the house yesterday and it looks like they have moved out. I have tried messaging the owner of the house to find out what's going on but he hasn't replied. I find it odd that they didn't tell us they were moving.

Palaver1 · 15/12/2018 18:34

Hmm sad though that most people shut themselves away.
Not uncommon to hear a neighbour died for a long period of time and no one was aware till there was a smell or otherwise

LuluJakey1 · 15/12/2018 18:40

I am not interested in popping to neighbours' houses for cups of tea.

Junebug123 · 15/12/2018 18:48

We had neighbours like this and they divorced and moved away about 2 yrs later. I guess it was on the cards and they couldn't be bothered putting on a front or making an effort when they knew they were moving anyway in less than pleasant circumstances. Sad as the wee girl always said hello.

Junebug123 · 15/12/2018 18:49

I thought it quite rude at the time but then realised you just don't know what's going on in other people's lives...

Ilovemypantry · 15/12/2018 18:51

I wonder what this neighbour would do if she found herself in a crisis and nobody to turn to except the OP who she has ignored from day one? This is the reason I think you should be at least civil to your neighbours...you never know when you might need them.

Shepherdspieisminging · 15/12/2018 19:18

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TatianaLarina · 15/12/2018 19:27

And you can't just "get out" of PTSD, which you should know, if you've "had" it.

You can, it’s a slog. You have to overcome all your triggers. If you just say you can’t face doors - you’ll never get over it.

Tweez · 15/12/2018 19:28

There are some religions where the women only converse with woman ( and men) from the same religion....like Brethren. I just wondered if this might be a possible reason? A long shot I know. We bought our last house from a Brethren family. The man did all the talking. The wife and children said nothing. If you google it, it gives more info on appearances on Brethren. The women tend to have long hair and wear long skirts. Otherwise, like others have said, she may be anti social or shy...

Tweez · 15/12/2018 19:29

...or unsociable, sorry Blush