Neighbour has ignored us for over a year

[Mk1234]

We moved in a year ago, next door to us are a couple with 2 girls. Few weeks after moving i went over with some some chocolates and said hi and general chat outside door step with the man, i even said tell your other half to pop over for a cuppa it would be lovely to meet her. The man has always been polite to us and will acknowledge us however the woman has not once said hi, there have been times when she is in the house and ive gone to drop off their parcel and she has not opened the door instead shes waited for her husband to come home to collect it.
From what i can tell there are no language barriers or health issues from what i can tell. Im not too bothered by it in all honesty as ive got far to much going on in my own life but just out of curiosity im baffaled as to why she is ignoring us.

I am the least sociable person in the world. I 100% do not want a relationship with my neighbours. But I wouldn’t put right ignore people either.

Our whole neighbourhood is like this.

I have taken in the odd parcel and delivered it to one of the neighbors but the only reason I know their names are because it was written on the parcel.

I think it would be a bit strange if someone came round with chocolates and asked me to pop over for a cup of tea

Do you live by me? The man is ok, the woman just will not speak to us. She's very odd. I'd love to live a day in her mind.

When our new neighbours moved in a couple of years ago they had open house and afternoon tea and invited all the neighbours. They had moved from the other side of the country and knew no-one. I thought it was a lovely gesture, and all the neighbours went. We are pretty friendly with them and socialise now and again, but we aren't in each other's houses all of the time. At this time of year we can go weeks without even seeing each other.

I am always open to new friendships. We don't live anywhere near family, so friendships are much more important to me. I was very pleased to have a local friend who could take DD to school for me when she was little when I had norovirus.

I'm the same, truth be told. I work from home anyway but a quick chat turns into a coffee and then a bit of a commitment to become friends and spend more time (which I haven't got) with the neighbours.
Life is so busy and hectic, when I am home, I only want to spend time with my family.

Wtf! A thread full of perfectly good, likely reasons why your neighbour might behave as she does and you accuse her of being racist! Without any reason to as far as I can tell.

I suffer from anxiety issues, also an invisible disability that makes moving painful and sometimes not possible at all easily. Dd often is the one to answer the door when we're both home as it's easier for her to do so.

Even aside from possible medical reasons, some people are just introverted or shy, they might have bad experiences of neighbours "popping in" every 5 mins or expecting lots of favours.

And even aside from ALL THAT nobody owes you a relationship! She's not been particularly or overtly rude, she's done nothing to hurt you so just let it be.

Hm. My next door neighbour on one side is a total pain. She’s desperate to get a cuppa with me. I have been known to drive a few extra laps of the block to avoid her if I see her out on her driveway. You cannot get away from her if she corners you, and she is the nosiest of nosy bastards. Bombards you with questions, gossips about the other neighbours and I can’t be doing with it.

She already knows (innocuous) stuff about me because she has grilled my pal across the road apparently she cornered her when she was out taking in her wheelie bin and asked her questions about us (not long after we’d moved in) because “I like to know who is living on the street”. Demented.

I think my neighbours probably think I’m an unsociable witch compared to my husband (who is even more unsociable than me actually. He is just better at hiding it, more polite and less grumpy!). I’m also quite shy. And due to the toddlers my house is always a fucking shambles so I probably wouldn’t answer an unexpected knock either.

Don't be so bothered. They might just not be a people person.
The cuppa invite would put me off. It might have been a better idea to gauge the situation first.
Being overfriendly can be majorly off putting to the other person although you might not even know you're doing it.

@MissyCooper
She sounds like an utter nightmare.
I'd be making stuff up and telling the friend to tell her it all. Really give her something to chew on. Concoct some inventive stuff up with your husband. The kinda stuff that no one would believe and shed sound like an utter nutcase if she repeats it.
I'd personally have a lot of fun with someone like that.

I meant as in with your husbands help to think stuff up!

I used to live in an area where everyone knew everyone else and was super friendly.

I couldn’t stand it. When I go out I don’t want to talk to anyone. I just want to get in my car and go. Same when I come back. The idea I have to stop what I am doing and make idle chit chat or make coffee for some random neighbour that I wouldn’t speak to if I lived somewhere else is a bit strange.

This thread seems to be mostly populated by posters at extreme ends. Where I live there are 4 houses in a cul de sac off a cul de sac. Whenever anyone sees any of our neighbours we always acknowledge each other - usually just a "good morning" or a wave. Then we get on with our day. It doesn't have to be a blank thy neighbour or a full on coffee morning.

I’d be terrified of my neighbour turning into Hyacinth Bucket OP.

I am glad I don't live next door to some of you lot! What if you have an emergency and need a neighbour to help? Someone to feed your cat when you are away? Someone to notice if an elderly neighbour hasn't been out and about for while? You don't have to be bosom buddies with your neighbours but exchanging a few pleasant words once in a while doesn't take much effort.

Mind you, I don't really miss our old neighbours. I knew their life story within a few days of them moving in and after a while I avoided going in the garden when they were out in case I got collared. They could talk the hind leg off a donkey and I didn't have time for that.

Most of our neighbours are lovely except for one man who has ignored me for almost 20 years. So I don't know why being ignored for a year is upsetting OP.
He does the same to everybody. He's very odd and known to be odd even at his work.
His wife is odd too but at least she says hello.
When she's not shouting at you for cutting a hedge.

I take neighbours as they come.

Our previous neighbour was a ‘chat-over-the-fence’ neighbour, really friendly, and we had a great laugh with her.

The neighbour who has moved in since keeps herself to herself, and we exchange a brief but polite hello when we see her, normally when she walks the dog.

I’m happy with either neighbour. But that’s me.

It might be the way she is, op.

I really wish my neighbour would ignore me. I try to get in my house as quickly as possible because she’s always moaning about something I’ve done to upset her.
My dream is a neighbour I never have to talk too.
That being said i say hello to my other neighbours and take their parcels round so I’m not adverse to talking to people in general.

There could be a whole lot of reasons why OP, and unless you ask her you'll never know. Sounds like the issue is with her as she is able to talk to other people. She could be being malicious, or she could have a genuine reason that you would be empathetic with if you knew. She could have a head injury, facial recognition problems, severe anxiety..... Unless she is actively nasty to you rather than just ignores you, I'd just let it go and concentrate on saying hello to your other neighbours. X

Or she could have got to know the people she talks to over many years and the op coming over with chocolates and asking her to pop over for a coffee was a bit strong.

So no qualifications then, just a personal experience

That’s the best qualification of all.

I completely agree @TatianaLarina. I would much rather talk to someone like you, who has also experienced PTSD and knows what it can actually be like, than someone who knows what it says in the books but can never really understand it themselves.

That's not to say that therapists are not good at their jobs or a god send sometimes, they are. But they don't know what it's like. They can't.

The thing is though, Harry, is that yes, someone with PTSD can tell you what it feels like and how they experience it. Great, if that's what you're after. What they can't do is tell you how to treat it, unless they have the relevant qualifications themselves. If we could do that, we'd all be "cured"!

Also, anyone with PTSD would know that everyone who suffers experiences it in different ways. There are different triggers, different physical symptoms, different mental symptoms and different ways to treat it depending on many different variables.

For one person to suggest that because they've had PTSD, they know how to "cure" it and that it should be the same for everyone else with the condition is both offensive and...well...stupid.

One of the reasons I'm reluctant to get to know neighbours is an experience I had with previous ones. I lived in a house that had been converted into 10 flats, 5 on each side. We all shared a garden.

The neighbours on the top floor went away on holiday and I looked after their two goldfish. After that we got to know each other a bit better. The lady cooked a meal for me and brought it down. One time I got locked out. I went upstairs to use the man's laptop, and when I was searching for stuff it autocompleted the phrases. He had been looking up lots of porn related to certain types of rape. A lot of it. Some of it was sickening. It all came up when you typed the first letter like a, b, etc. Obviously seeing that come up on the screen completely threw me, I didn't feel comfortable being in the flat and I made my excuses and left. I stopped contact with them. After that he got over persistent, he kept coming downstairs and knocking on my door over and over. I was deeply uncomfortable with it and wished I hadn't been friendly.

Shortly after that there were problems in the street and problems with people leaving the door wide open onto the street, it felt unsafe. Someone put a notice on our front door. Also someone was stabbed in an alleyway between some flats further down. I found a lodger place advertised on Gumtree and I moved out. It was Gillott Road in Edgbaston which is not the safest road. I feel like getting friendly with the neighbours and doing favours could have potentially put me at risk, so maybe I'm standoffish now, I don't know. I just felt like it had put me at risk.

Please don't maje the mistake of tarring all your neighbours wuth the same brush. The creepy pervert could easily be someone you work with, or your friend's husband.

I don't get why the fact that someone is a neighbour means that they have to be set apart and compartmentalised into the "don't ever make friends with" box

"You are my neighbour so you will never be my friend"

The reason why they're treated differently is you can't escape them. If it had been a friend I would've not seen them again. This person was living above me, sharing hallways, communal area and garden. To me, that was the big difference. If it had been work I could've spoken to HR. It's very different if you live alone and they are in the same building.

This is one of those threads that makes me realize that MN must be full of insanely socially-awkward, unfriendly introverts. I'm so glad most of you are not my neighbors! We specifically looked for a neighborhood where there was a strong sense of community. Our kids run round together in a pack, we have monthly wine nights and 2 or 3 big get together each year. Relationships make the world go round- or my world, anyway. Nothing weird, unnecessary or "cringeworthy" about it at all.

OP, I'd have loved to have been invited for a cup of tea!