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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell DD not to give other grandparents access

204 replies

ashvivienne · 13/12/2018 23:37

DD1 is in the late stages of pregnancy she wasn’t in a relationship with the father and after telling him she was pregnant he screamed and shouted at her then she received some of the most awful texts I’ve ever seen including ones from his parents calling her a slag and denying their grand child.
After 4 weeks the father sat down with DD where she gave him the ultimatum of being in for the long run or being out forever which is the decision he made and she has accepted that she is doing this alone which she has taken well. After this they messaged her and said there was no way in hell they weren’t seeing the baby which she didn’t respond to.
She has now been receiving text messages again from the boys mum saying she wants to see her grandchild and there’s nothing DD can do to stop her. DD hasn’t responded to the messages and this has lead to a text saying she will show up to the hospital if need be. DD is wondering if she should just make everyone happy and let them visit.
I’ve told her it’s obviously up to her but I don’t want them in our house (DD still lives with us) and I wouldn’t allow them access after all the abuse.

OP posts:
BeanBagLady · 17/12/2018 08:06

“Mind the GPs don't try to do something crazy. Or worse the father ends up with full custody if she's not careful. “

Don’t be ridiculous.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 17/12/2018 08:10

They just couldn’t.

Even in cases where children are being abused and neglected grandparents aren’t just handed children because they want them.

Tell the social worker. Show then the texts and messages. Say how is makes you all feel (scared and stressed). Ask their advice.

BeanBagLady · 17/12/2018 08:17

“We’ve had the ability to go private with our insurance so there’s added security at the hospital luckily and if I’m honest I think they think DD is giving birth at our local hospital so they won’t even know where to go.”

It’s good that an alternative hospital will throw them off the scent, but actually NHS maternity wards are very hard to handling and managing security and have very strict protocols.

But I don’t see how they will know when she is in hospital! Or even planning in a home birth.

BeanBagLady · 17/12/2018 08:17

‘Used to’ not ‘hard’

billybagpuss · 17/12/2018 08:38

Good luck today OP

isitisitwicked · 17/12/2018 08:55

Good luck

Soubriquet · 17/12/2018 08:58

Good luck today OP

notapizzaeater · 17/12/2018 08:59

Good luck today, they are just showing their true colours.

BerylStreep · 17/12/2018 09:25

Yes, good luck to you and your DD today.

What I'm getting from the knowledgeable sounding posts, is that if there is absolutely no relationship between the GPs and baby, then it is highly unlikely that courts will grant access.

Please tell your DD never to be tempted to give them even a visit out of a desire to be kind, as it could be used against her.

Lizadork · 17/12/2018 11:48

Good luck x

IggyAce · 17/12/2018 18:30

Hope today’s meeting went well OP.

Smilingthru · 17/12/2018 18:53

This sounds awful. I hope today went well x

PotteryLady · 17/12/2018 18:59

I hope it went well

BerylStreep · 18/12/2018 20:03

ashvivienne how did it go yesterday? Hopefully SS all happy and the matter is over. Any more bonkers text messages?

Travis1 · 18/12/2018 20:27

Hope the meeting went well yesterday!

Cheby · 18/12/2018 20:37

How was the meeting OP? SS agent this kind of malicious report a lot. They will see straight through it.

AmyDowdensLeftLeftShoe · 18/12/2018 20:42

@TORDEVAN that's exactly what I wrote earlier in the thread.

I've been told none of it is free as legal aid in England is for very limited cases and this wouldn't qualify.

CanuckBC · 18/12/2018 20:43

I hope things went well for you. I also agree with reporting to the police.

Hortonlovesahoo · 19/12/2018 16:11

Any news OP? Did everything go ok?

Posthistoricmonsters · 19/12/2018 17:26

I went through something similar.
I'm loathe to detail it out because unfortunately I have to retain a level of paranoia to keep my child safe from the two people in question.
But having SS called out is usually positive in this situation.
My entitled abusive CF and their spouse called SS on me under similar conditions.
Big backfire.
SS stayed on because I was an isolated single parent with no family for two hundred miles and I asked them for support.
And because when they heard why I wanted support and showed them the evidence, they asked if I would like them to help me go through court.
They were repeatedly called on me until for the second time, they lost out at court, and shortly after that there was an incident and I was advised to end what ridiculous contact there was.
The difference in my child since they haven't seen their ex family member is amazing. It's unfortunate I let it go on as long as I did, because my child shows all the classic signs of being is a messed up situation. Luckily I know how to help, and the school are fantastic and understanding.
We have moved completely away now as well. And this week we've moved in with my partner, who my child calls Daddy. Our first owned property.
It can be extremely hard going through the courts. The GP don't have automatic rights so you'll be in a better situation with it than I was. In our case, it wasn't the GP, just to clarify.
If you want to talk about it more, I assume I can be messaged on here, this is the first time I've tried to actually log in here for years so I've had to make a new account. But I couldn't read and walk away. Your situation has rung home too hard for me not to offer my ear.
I hope all is well (as can be).

RebootYourEngine · 19/12/2018 18:11

Hope the visit went well. Cant see why it wouldnt have as it sounds like you and dd are decent people.

DartmoorDoughnut · 19/12/2018 19:30

Hope your DD is doing well and isn’t too bothered by it all

Original poster
ashvivienne · 20/12/2018 12:29

Sorry for such a late update been a busy few days for finishing up at work and with this visit.
SW was very happy with the visit she said she’ll do a follow up after the babies here just to make sure DD is getting on ok but she said from this visit it’s nothing to worry about and will be after the 6 week check up. Showed her all the messages and everything other GPs had sent also that we believe they’re who called she took the binder away and explained they don’t have any right to visit and if they do anything to show up at the home anything like that to phone the police and we’ve contacted the police with the same evidence about harassment. DD took her around her “granny flat” to show where her and baby will live and also things like the car with the car seat in it and spoke about keeping baby rear facing as long as possible - she also brought up that she’s going to attempt to breastfeed. All in all we don’t have anything to worry about not that we thought we did!

OP posts:
Jamiefraserskilt · 20/12/2018 12:41

Doesn't pr start when he goes on the birth certificate?
If the abuse was from his parents, I would be advising against. You dd is the gatekeeper and they need to be civil to her to get to the child.
Is he going to be supporting the child?
Sounds like they need to be speaking to their son if they want access to his child.I
Otherwise, no pr, no contact until the child is old enough to decide for themselves.

ohfourfoxache · 20/12/2018 13:16

I’m so glad that the visit went well, hopefully now SS have the measure of these fuckwits

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