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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To tell DD not to give other grandparents access

204 replies

ashvivienne · 13/12/2018 23:37

DD1 is in the late stages of pregnancy she wasn’t in a relationship with the father and after telling him she was pregnant he screamed and shouted at her then she received some of the most awful texts I’ve ever seen including ones from his parents calling her a slag and denying their grand child.
After 4 weeks the father sat down with DD where she gave him the ultimatum of being in for the long run or being out forever which is the decision he made and she has accepted that she is doing this alone which she has taken well. After this they messaged her and said there was no way in hell they weren’t seeing the baby which she didn’t respond to.
She has now been receiving text messages again from the boys mum saying she wants to see her grandchild and there’s nothing DD can do to stop her. DD hasn’t responded to the messages and this has lead to a text saying she will show up to the hospital if need be. DD is wondering if she should just make everyone happy and let them visit.
I’ve told her it’s obviously up to her but I don’t want them in our house (DD still lives with us) and I wouldn’t allow them access after all the abuse.

OP posts:
lborgia · 14/12/2018 01:29

I'm obviously reading a different post to some.

They did not send one foul message and then try and mend fences. They followed with a "No way in hell can you stop us"!!

No contrition, no interest in how the mother is, no concern about mother or child.

Run a mile, or waddle, would be my suggestion.

Flowerpot2005 · 14/12/2018 02:02

If you're in the UK, when DD goes in to have her baby, make the ward manager (not just the midwife) aware of the issue & that suitable safeguards are put in place. DD can also ask for a password to be put in her records, that way should they call the ward for info they won't receive any without the password.

Re the GP, at this stage, keep them away.

Original poster
ashvivienne · 14/12/2018 17:59

Felt like this needed an update. DD responded to the texts this morning asking very politely for them to stop messaging her and if they have any issues to discuss the decision their son made with him. She also said that she has no relationship with them and they’ve never reached out before so she isn’t comfortable with them at all at the moment.
So we’ve had a call from SS to ask to come round as there’s been an “anonymous” call to them with concerns. We’ve invited the Social Worker round on Monday and they’ve asked that they can inspect the home including DD and babies living area which we are more than happy to do it.

OP posts:
Snowwontbelong · 14/12/2018 18:06

Be fully open with Ss. Voice your concerns about the volatile family. Actually I would block all ways of contact.Tell ss you will be seeking an injunction to keep them away should they keep harassing your dd.
Which is what they are doing.
Until ex takes your dd to court to demand dna tests he can get stuffed imo.
In no way make it easy for any of them to stake any claim to your precious dgc.

BoebePhuffay · 14/12/2018 18:07

Fucking scumbags. Told you. Red rag to a bull. I knew any response would result in escalation from them. Tell DD to learn from this. NO CONTACT with them from now on. None. Ignore ignore ignore. Make a complaint about the malicious report to SS and report it to the police too. This is now harassment.

BoebePhuffay · 14/12/2018 18:08

Tell SS the full story, all the harassment and threats.

pantyclaws · 14/12/2018 18:08

Bloody hell that's awful.

Just goes to show you/she made the right decision.

If they're willing to stoop this low what else would they be willing to do? Scary.

You should be able to get the details from the SW exactly what the claims against you / DD are. And also show them the texts!

Strawberry2017 · 14/12/2018 18:18

Sending lots of love and strength to you and DD, she's lucky she has such a loving family herself so she has support through all this. X

TeachesOfPeaches · 14/12/2018 18:19

Your DD needs to block all of his family on everything including Facebook, mobile phone, WhatsApp, email, Instagram etc. The grandparents have no rights; my ex's mother threatens to take me to court for contact Hmm

RaspberryRipple1963 · 14/12/2018 18:36

She is wrong in saying 'There is nothing you can do to stop her'. You can. Rightly or wrongly,grandparents have no rights in demanding access to grandchildren.

BoebePhuffay · 14/12/2018 18:46

Please tell your DD not to even consider giving an inch on this. My ex’s parents got court ordered contact with my child and the reasons given were that 1) the child’s father had no relationship with him and so the judge said contact with grandparents would ensure a connection to paternal family and 2) as I had already allowed them to see him once a fortnight a relationship was established (he was less than a year old when contact stopped and had no idea who they were.) so tell her to give them nothing. Not a photograph or a text update on how the baby is doing. Nothing.

Sakura7 · 14/12/2018 18:54

What appalling people the ex's parents are. Explain the full situation to SS and show the texts. Also ask how malicious reports such as this one are addressed. And definitely report this to the police, it's harassment.

IggyAce · 14/12/2018 18:57

Your poor dd. Definitely be open with SS show them the texts and state that you think it’s a malicious report. I would also encourage her to report to police. Do not respond to any further messages.

GunpowderGelatine · 14/12/2018 19:01

Maternity wards don't just let random weirdos in, security would be called. I wouldn't allow someone who had so little regard for me, who saw me as nothing than a vessel for their grandchild, rather than a human, anywhere near my kids.

Tinkerbell89 · 14/12/2018 19:05

I wouldn't let them have access after the abuse. She needs to keep evidence of it incase she needs it if they try solicitors or anything

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 14/12/2018 19:09

So they were abusive - then demanded access. I’d they had come cap in hand to apologise and ask if they could see the baby then I would think about it.

But their attitude stinks. They have no rights. I would block them, tell family not to blast the birth on social media, tell the hospital they they are under no circumstances to be allowed in and let them stew.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 14/12/2018 19:11

Oh just saw your update. Well no prizes for guessing who called the SS. I’d show whoever comes the abusive messages and this will show them who should be kept away.

fezzesarecool · 14/12/2018 19:13

I would actually have a letter to give Sam’s when they come round.

Write about the concerns you have about the gps and how she feels harassed, keep it factual and back up everything with printouts of the messages, that way they can take it away with them after the visit.

fezzesarecool · 14/12/2018 19:14

*ss not Sam!

Sakura7 · 14/12/2018 19:15

They actually sound unhinged, and would definitely not add any value to your DD and her child's life. Imagine the shit they'd pull if you gave them an inch.

It sounds like your DD is trying to be fair and give them a chance despite their abuse, but encourage her to stand firm and keep these nasty people away from her child.

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 14/12/2018 19:18

They don’t sesweve ‘a chance’. They have showed no respect or concern - attaching and abusing a pregnant women? They just want access to a cuddly little baby because 1) babies are gorgeous and 2) they see it as ‘theirs’.

They will do what they like, not respect mums wishes and drive her crazy. Keep them away!

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 14/12/2018 19:18

Excuse the crap typing

MadeForThis · 14/12/2018 19:21

They have shown their true colours now.

If they were concerned about the baby they we'd want your pregnant dd to be stress free.

They clearly see the baby as property.

They have no rights at all.

Ignore from now on. But keep a record.

Cuddlykitten123 · 14/12/2018 19:23

God how awful... I'd have all the abuse documented and printed for ss to add to the report. Even report the harrassment to 101 before so they have the crime number on file to so any further malicious reports to ss are fully evidenced.

Engorged · 14/12/2018 19:23

Tell SS everything. These people arent even given an inch, for bloody good reason, yet they are taking a mile.

If your dd caved she would have this and worse in the future. She'd be on here sobbing about her PIL trying to take her child.