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AIBU?

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Original poster

Christmas do cheaters!

333 replies

youcanthandlethetruth · 13/12/2018 15:28

Just curious as to whether this is the norm

One woman I work with is having an affair with two married men in our office. Which she and they have since admitted to. Notably was seen getting into a taxi with both following the Christmas do!

On the same night of the Christmas do, another woman kissed a man who just got married last month. Seen kissing a few times in front of everyone! When I asked her about it she said “awk it’s just one of the those things.” She also cheated on her partner earlier in the year with a different man we work with.

Another younger girl who just started in the office last month is also suspected of being overly friendly with another married man. Everyone suspects an affair but this has never been confirmed.

Thing is - none of their partner’s know. I know this for a fact from various conversations throughout the year.

And my male boss has admitted to fancying someone else in our office. He always says that if he got the chance to have a night with her he’d take it (again he has been married for a long time)

Am I the only faithful person out there. How do people do this with no conscience. I would feel wick if I did that on my dp.

OP posts:
NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 13/12/2018 16:22

It's the norm everywhere now. Years ago It used to be normal to be faithful, now it's normal to be unfaithful.

One of the many reasons i'm single.

Unobtainable · 13/12/2018 16:22

Yes, rife in places I've worked at in the past (not where I am now). Prestige motor manufacturer; ALL the men in the Department cheated. All of them. Even those with weddings planned in the near future or who had only recently got married. Witnessed by me or friends. All discussed it openly at work but I'm assuming their partners had no idea (until someone got pregnant, told the wife etc or got found out etc..)

any 'out of hours' get together was an opportunity whether it be a conference, award ceremony, off-site meeting, exhibition, Christmas do or simply after-works drinks.

It seems to be the case that they have the wife and children to be socially acceptable and then they have flings/girlfriends for fun. Even the 'nice guys.'

I used to lurk on an ex-boyfriend's Twitter work group, posing as a glamour model and the posts I saw were so depressing. They seemed to consider their wives/girlfriends as domestic appliances; only there to facilitate their social lives and free them from domestic drudgery.

GrimDamnFanjo · 13/12/2018 16:22

Used to be common at a college where I worked. There were quite a few teacher affairs, I put it down to some seeing their job as an extension to life as a student!

Henrysmycat · 13/12/2018 16:22

You should see in oil industry but not Christmas dos. It’s almost expected from 50/60 year old fat fucks to shack up with the local young women. Especially, now that a lot of work is done in former USSR countries with your usual Eastern European beauties.
Some of those women are clever and once the man divorces his previous wife and marries her, she pops a couple of kids, gets the passport and “see ya later sucker”. If in that industry you see anyone over the age of 60 working away from home he’s either workaholic or he’s paying for young kids by his former Miss Azerbaijan ex-wife.
That’s the reason why I would never touch an oil engineer with a barge pole.

MaMaMaMySharona · 13/12/2018 16:24

I cannot imagine touching anyone at my office with a barge pole!

Bestseller · 13/12/2018 16:24

People are human, alcohol is encouraged involved, a year's worth of stress is released things happen.

FenellasRedVelvetDress · 13/12/2018 16:27

I’m no prude.
I certainly had my fair share of ‘ fun’ when I was single.
But I NEVER slept with a married man and I have NEVER cheated with anybody I have been in a committed relationship with.
I simply can’t understand the mentality of copping off with someone you work with when incredibly pissed.
Do people loose all morals and common sense? And HOW do they face these people the next time they bump into them into the office??
God - the burning shame!!!
I would be mortified!

Unobtainable · 13/12/2018 16:28

@GraceMarks

Yes. 'Going over the side' is a thing in the police. I'm currently dating one Shock

Sonders · 13/12/2018 16:29

Pretty common in my industry too, but the perception was that those that copped off were sleazebags - both the men and the women. I've been out of the big company world for a few years now though so hopefully it's changed!

WizardOfToss · 13/12/2018 16:30

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

azulmariposa · 13/12/2018 16:31

Never marry a police officer unless you work with them on the same shift pattern - they are the absolute worst for copping off (ha!) with each other during nights out.

This is true unfortunately! I learnt the hard way Angry

ladydickisathingapparently · 13/12/2018 16:34

DH used to work with two female colleagues (both married to men) who every single Christmas party would put on some kind of weird faux-lesbian “show” involving snogging and stripping to their underwear. The next morning they’d be “omg I didn’t, did I?” Absolutely bizarre behaviour but lapped up as you can imagine by their male colleagues. I mean, if you want to get off with a colleague, that’s your business, but the whole “I’m not gay, I just get drunk and snog/feel up THE SAME same sex colleague” each time when you’ve got horrifically pissed? Right.

HeadsDownThumbsUpEveryone · 13/12/2018 16:34

People are human, alcohol is encouraged involved, a year's worth of stress is released things happen.

This literally translates to we can excuse this behaviour because they had a drink they worked hard all year and none of them can keep it in the pants! How can anyone think it is acceptable or excusable. Shock

AdamNichol · 13/12/2018 16:36

I used to work at a Stately home, that did events catering, etc. One year a large energy supplier had a big bash there - can't remember if it was xmas or a summer thing.
Loads of laid on booze and fake-money gambling tables (roulette, etc). Anyhow, small pockets of attendees decided to conduct their, err, team bonding on the premises, in full view of everyone. At one point, myself and a few other staff managed to overhear the immortal line "Oh for God's sake, you've spat it out over my trouser leg". Joyous times....

GnomeDePlume · 13/12/2018 16:38

It is very much dependent on the office/team culture. I have worked in teams where despite every opportunity in the world (travel, overnights away, late night working) there were no affairs going on (or were extremely well hidden). In other teams it was quite blatant.

Often it is led from the top. Big boss has affairs so it becomes the norm further down. Also you will find birds of a feather flocking together. If someone comes into a 'non-affair' team and starts propositioning co-workers then quite likely they will be shoved on quite quickly until they find themselves in a team where it is accepted.

CardinalCat · 13/12/2018 16:38

I couldn't think of anything worse than 'copping off' with siomebody I worked with. It's just an unacceptable (to me) blurring of professional lines.

In my industry (corp finance) it is also rife, although my current firm isn't as much of a moral vacuum as previous places have been (despite a married senior partner having a very open affair with a member of support staff nobody else seems to be following his example!)

Having said that, I didn't go to the firm-wide Christmas party as I find the behaviour generally very depressing. Instead I'll take my team out for lunch and drinks next week and hope everybody can keep their dangly bits in their pants.

NotAColdWomanHenry · 13/12/2018 16:40

A friend worked in for fund management company, she said their xmas do was shocking. It involved not just a diner out, but a full night on the town going to multiple bars and getting very pissed, some stayed out until 7am, and they were all pulling each other, or other randoms they met on the night. Friend was single at the time, but many of the staff were married with kids and there were other work dos (like a summer picnic) where they all brought their families and according to her, acted like butter wouldn't melt in front of all the colleagues they'd nobbed.

partofthewind · 13/12/2018 16:42

OMG. Couldn't bear the thought of copping off with any of my colleagues (Civil Service). Turns the stomach, frankly! I don't think I've ever heard of it in my org either.

Annandale · 13/12/2018 16:42

Current work is fine (stable provincial NHS team). One previous NHS team was terrible for it. Depends on the attitude at the top - old-fashioned to think that seniors should set a moral example but in fact it makes a difference if they do. Worst place I ever experienced was a time consuming sport club - everybody was married to someone in the club and shagging someone else there. Horrible.

Shamalamalam · 13/12/2018 16:43

Not where I work now - DH and I run a business together and there’s only 6 staff so we just all go out for a nice dinner and include partners

At my previous company it was rife - it was like a charicature of Sleazy Office Christmas Party

79andnotout · 13/12/2018 16:44

I'm in technical sales, very male dominated. So much so that our xmas do was always as part of a larger function with the local craft cake factory, which was all women. Meal and 80's disco and hotel rooms. Carnage.

ladydickisathingapparently · 13/12/2018 16:44

Actually DH has just reminded me of the man his team out on a works do (he’d been offered and accepted an offer of employment with them and they thought it would be a nice way to get to know him) who behaved so badly the offer of employment was withdrawn Shock.

user1486915549 · 13/12/2018 16:46

I have obviously led a very sheltered life 😕

Orange6904 · 13/12/2018 16:48

Ugh, I think the Christmas do is where my ex got together with the teenager he left me for. Seems rife up where they work. They work in retail.

Crazybunnylady123 · 13/12/2018 16:48

It definitely went on in my office, but I wasn’t interested in cheating on my fiancé. I just never ever would. Not everyone cheats.