Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Christmas do cheaters!

333 replies

youcanthandlethetruth · 13/12/2018 15:28

Just curious as to whether this is the norm

One woman I work with is having an affair with two married men in our office. Which she and they have since admitted to. Notably was seen getting into a taxi with both following the Christmas do!

On the same night of the Christmas do, another woman kissed a man who just got married last month. Seen kissing a few times in front of everyone! When I asked her about it she said “awk it’s just one of the those things.” She also cheated on her partner earlier in the year with a different man we work with.

Another younger girl who just started in the office last month is also suspected of being overly friendly with another married man. Everyone suspects an affair but this has never been confirmed.

Thing is - none of their partner’s know. I know this for a fact from various conversations throughout the year.

And my male boss has admitted to fancying someone else in our office. He always says that if he got the chance to have a night with her he’d take it (again he has been married for a long time)

Am I the only faithful person out there. How do people do this with no conscience. I would feel wick if I did that on my dp.

OP posts:
Belindabauer · 15/12/2018 08:01

The Ines I knew most involved the man being older and married. I have to say it was a sexist environment. Pregnant women were not encouraged to return to full time positions. One of the married male cheaters interviewed me for a promotion and kept banging on about how my dh would feel looking after our dc whilst I was working.
He was a complete dick, left his wife for a much younger, very attractive engaged woman and caused a lot of friction at work.

GnomeDePlume · 15/12/2018 08:05

LizzieSiddal exactly. One lie makes many. While he was busy chasing his next fling, or covering up his last, his attention wasnt on his job. Now a lot of people are having their actions questioned because they trusted this person. In hindsight that trust was misplaced. While he was making a fool of himself he has also made fools of the people around him.

Thespace · 15/12/2018 08:13

I find when people in senior positions are cheating/having affairs it affects the dynamic of the whole organisation. Their credibility is less especially if they are conducting the affair in the workplace (happens a lot in schools) and there is a lot of resentment about how it is affecting their job eg favouritism, shirking responsibilities, leaving early.

Gaspodethetalkingdog · 15/12/2018 08:19

I worked in different large and small offices over the years, I was amazed at the levels of affairs that were going on. Most of the married men seemed to stray continually, the worst offender was not married but had numerous affairs with married women.

It is probably less visible in larger offices, but is going on all year, not just at Christmas

GraceMarks · 15/12/2018 08:27

I was going to protest about the power imbalance/sexism theory but then I thought that the majority of police affairs I saw were between male sergeants and inspectors and female constables. Once people were promoted above inspector level they tended to behave more respectably!

dulcefarniente · 15/12/2018 08:35

Working in engineering you came to realise that the guys whose desks featured family photos were the guys who cheat. And not just at Christmas.

LadyRochfordsFrostedGusset · 15/12/2018 08:49

The lack of recognition that this happens to the extent it does and not just at Christmas is a bit of an eye-opener. I worked first then was an SAHM, now working again and nothing much has changed.

mydogisthebest · 15/12/2018 09:17

Vietnamese, no not rumours, gossip or stories of friends of friends. I have seen it myself. Not just at Christmas parties either.

The last solicitors I worked at my female boss was married. She was having an affair with a married Barrister. Then an affair with another solicitor (also married). Her husband found out and they divorced. She is now married to the Barrister.

Quite a few of the solicitors having affairs with other solicitors or even secretaries. One of the secretaries (single) having an affair with a guy in the post room who was married (only a couple of months).

I don't know if I have some sort of radar for affairs but I find it often quite easy to see that a couple are having an affair even if they are fairly discreet about it.

I knew with the secretary and the post guy because she sat opposite me and I could see they way they would act around each other looking embarrassed, going red etc. Plus they were always talking on the phone and there was never any need to talk to someone in the post room that often or for that long

MorrisZapp · 15/12/2018 09:26

Yeah, few ropey scenes at my work do last night. Two people, both engaged to others, having some heavy scene at the bar, the girl was crying.

My big boss is shagging his (very odd, bitter) admin assistant.

Then one nice guy I chatted to said he was going through a divorce. I said I was sorry to hear it etc then he mentioned his teenage son. I said how has he taken it and he said hmmm not very good.

Then he said it was because he's moved 200 miles away to live with his new girlfriend. 'it's hard just now but I'm hoping to get it back'.

Hard? I'll bet its hard pal. But it's only your son, sure he'll get over it.

MaryBoBary · 15/12/2018 09:31

This is common is hospitality too. I worked in the corporate side and 2 senior members of the team were having an affair. They announced at 4pm one Friday that they had (finally) left their spouses and were officially a couple. Then they buggered off on holiday together for 2 weeks to let the gossip subside, before coming back to work and never mentioning it again. Suppose that’s a good way of doing it?!?

TinaTurnipp · 15/12/2018 09:42

Oh it's horrible. I work in law and was at a large firm for quite some time.

It was horrendous. The ongoing affairs, being all over each other at the do in front of everyone and then getting your husband/wife to pick you up later on, the drug taking (often supplied by high up partners).

One partner was well known for trying it on with every single young woman who worked there. Most of them fell for it at some point or another. It was vile to watch. He was the sleeziest and most inappropriate person I've ever had the displeasure of meeting let alone working for and I truly believe that one day it will catch up with him and he'll find himself slapped with a pretty serious harassment case. His long term girlfriend actually worked in our firm in a different department and was on maternity leave with their child when I left.

I work at a much smaller firm now and it doesn't seem to happen there at all.

funnelfanjo · 15/12/2018 09:57

STEM environment with a 50:50 gender mix, Christmas dos and conferences tend towards drunken and silly rather than sleazy. One confirmed instance of a married man shagging away with a young attractive colleague from another site, but he oozes slime and most people hoiked their judgey pants very high indeed on both of them. I am not naive enough to think nothing else happens, but if it does it is extremely discreet.

The sales department conferences though - the stories that come out of there... Sad

limitedperiodonly · 15/12/2018 09:57

At my office party last week a senior executive was complimenting me - on my work, I hasten to add.

He then told me he and his wife slept in separate beds and I nodded while thinking: 'God, you're pissed. Why are you telling me that?'

This thread has made me wonder whether he was testing the water. I've always been quite slow on the uptake.

JosieJasper · 15/12/2018 10:29

SarahE0485 I’m sure Your DH behaved himself last night, they can’t all be tarred with the same brush! Let’s be honest, they’re not going to get better than us anywhere else anyway GrinWine

canigetaliein · 15/12/2018 12:01

I’m sure he was *limitedperiodonly

murasaki · 15/12/2018 12:30

I managed to go to ours yesterday (academia), drink my way through the wine on the tab, buy a round of tequilas for some PhD students, dance (probably badly) to bad karaoke, not sing karaoke (for the best) and wend my merry way home to DP without even kissing anyone. It's not hard. And as far as I saw, no one else did either. We must be so dull...

ethelfleda · 15/12/2018 12:35

People are pathetic and are usually desperate for attention... they love all the drama of it!

Everyone is pretty sure that my boss is shagging (or is trying to...) a woman who is in our sales department... she is beyond annoying and over the top false and very ‘look at me’ we can’t decide if she wants to or if she is just enjoying the chase!
Both are married with kids Sad

Ticketybootoo · 15/12/2018 13:14

Agree with many of the posts here. Have worked in IT and Consultancy over last 20 years and seen a lot of this behaviour . There was one big project I worked on where we were away all week and everyone knew that one of the senior guys from one firm was having an affair with one of the Graduate Trainees. I used to feel so sorry for the guys wife who dropped home off at Heathrow on Monday morning each week ...

canigetaliein · 15/12/2018 13:18

I personally think some wives know but turn a blind eye or perhaps it suits them.

ChristmasBeer · 15/12/2018 13:57

Agree about police going over the side. They don't need a drink or a party - it's constant. I don't think the Christmas do's were worse than any drinking session after an early turn, or late turn come to think of it.
Not because of pressure at work either Hmm
95% of my team (married or long term partners) were having affairs or one night stands whenever they could just because they could.
Police officers have a "them and us" outlook and stick together. Sexist bunch too.

Kaybush · 15/12/2018 17:14

My sister is quite senior at one of the big TV channels and she said it never happens in her experience, and if it did they would probably be sacked.

I was quite surprised as she often goes abroad for days at a time with groups of colleagues, and there is definitely class A drug taking at certain dos and conferences, just no affairs!

I think it may be because there are a lot of happily married women there in senior positions, so there isn't the male-dominated shagging culture that's been described by PPs, thank goodness! 😬

SarahE0485 · 15/12/2018 17:23

@JosieJasper I wish it had ended well. I’m not one for snooping on phones but when he left it in the middle of the bathroom floor and there’s a text from a unknown woman exclaiming “that was an interesting walk home” I kind of lost my shit. Especially when our little one had been puking up everywhere all night. Turns out he had deleted previous messages he had sent her. Happy fucking Christmas 🤬

cigarettessuffragettesandboys · 15/12/2018 17:53

sarahE0485 - that’s awful. What a scumbag - hope you and your little one are ok Flowers

LokiBear · 15/12/2018 18:04

It was our works do last night and I was embarrassed by some of my colleagues behaviour. Mostly married people too. Im all for a harmless bit of flirting, but when married people sneak into dark corners it becomes seedy and embarrassing. Monday will be interesting!

JosieJasper · 15/12/2018 20:04

SarahE0485 I’m so so sorry to hear that. I hope you’re little one is OK now and I hope you manage to sort things out Flowers

Swipe left for the next trending thread