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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Christmas do cheaters!

333 replies

youcanthandlethetruth · 13/12/2018 15:28

Just curious as to whether this is the norm

One woman I work with is having an affair with two married men in our office. Which she and they have since admitted to. Notably was seen getting into a taxi with both following the Christmas do!

On the same night of the Christmas do, another woman kissed a man who just got married last month. Seen kissing a few times in front of everyone! When I asked her about it she said “awk it’s just one of the those things.” She also cheated on her partner earlier in the year with a different man we work with.

Another younger girl who just started in the office last month is also suspected of being overly friendly with another married man. Everyone suspects an affair but this has never been confirmed.

Thing is - none of their partner’s know. I know this for a fact from various conversations throughout the year.

And my male boss has admitted to fancying someone else in our office. He always says that if he got the chance to have a night with her he’d take it (again he has been married for a long time)

Am I the only faithful person out there. How do people do this with no conscience. I would feel wick if I did that on my dp.

OP posts:
Thatsalovelycuppatea · 13/12/2018 18:43

@SleepySofa oh oops. Must not reply when half asleep 😴

Mascarponeandwine · 13/12/2018 18:52

Ex big 4 here too. Accountants lawyers and similar in large corporate firms are wild, particularly those in their 20’s and 30’s. I had a great time Grin (though I bucked the trend and stayed clear of anyone married).

Interestingly I once dated someone who worked on the trading floor in the city. It was massively male dominated so they just used to hire escort girls at £400ph. Call up, state the characteristics of the girl they wanted and she would appear half an hour later. Money talked.

Disclaimer - this was the 90’s. Maybe with all the home working nowadays less people are in central London at any one time and things are calmer.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 13/12/2018 19:00

Give me a cheating married man/woman any day of the week over a wanker banker who 'calls up' an escort girl. Bleurch.

There was a thread about that very thing this week and it certainly wasn't portrayed in the benign or cavalier light such as that.

Bestseller · 13/12/2018 19:01

Headsdown, I'm not saying that it's acceptable but it would be unrealistic to think that it's not going to happen in those circumstances.

Maybe some people manage to be perfect their whole lives, others do stupid and/or regrettable things

ASqueakingInTheShrubbery · 13/12/2018 19:02

In my previous job (law), one of the secretaries tried to arrange a threesome involving the senior partner (married) and another bloke (single.) SP was married so didn't take her up on it. I went home with the other bloke, but we watched a film, he let me have his bed and he slept on the sofa. I was gutted.

Current job, also law but different branch, couldn't be more sedate. All but 2 of us were driving and drinking fizzy water. One colleague met up with a client firm for cocktails afterwards, but the rest of us were on our way home, alone, by 9.30.

ceciliaP · 13/12/2018 19:09

It seems to be worse where there's lots of money and people have no work/life balance at all. They are with their colleagues 90% of the time and it's hardly a surprise that feelings emerge.

SerenDippitty · 13/12/2018 19:18

I am surprised it still happens, not office affairs I mean but inappropriate snogging etc at office Chriztmas dos. Given the prevalence of phone cameras and social media.

Shepherdspieisminging · 13/12/2018 19:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nacreous · 13/12/2018 19:26

Another accountant here confirming the levels of drunken affairs/flings. Mainly single people but I can definitely count multiple affairs too.

Shepherdspieisminging · 13/12/2018 19:26

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Whocansay · 13/12/2018 19:27

I work in finance. My Xmas Do at my current firm has partners invited, so no shenanigans.

Previously though, some firms I've worked for have been rife with affairs and shagging at Xmas Dos. When I was young and first worked in the industry I was propositioned by my manager at the Xmas Do. I turned him down, nicely I thought. He then proceeded to make my life utter Hell for months afterwards until I left the company.

At the time I was young and said nothing. If I saw him now I would have a lot to say to that sleazy bastard.

ChikiTIKI · 13/12/2018 19:31

Only read for first post but your boss saying that about a colleague is so inappropriate. That's awful.

I think cheating happens a lot at work probably but I am totally oblivious to that kind of thing. I also hate cheating so wouldn't find it interesting to know what people get up to.

StandardPoodle · 13/12/2018 19:31

Ex civil servant here. Our grade/team would just go out for lunch at Christmas - most were driving so didn't drink. I'm not aware of anything inappropriate happening.
We also went on 2 and 3 day courses with accommodation provided - again all very restrained.
This thread has been a real eye-opener!

Madein1995 · 13/12/2018 19:44

I didn't go to my do this year, was ill unfortunately. I'm civil service, one of the HEOs(managers) was trying to get off with my friend, who is an AO. He's her immediate supervisor and beside that, he has a girlfriend and newborn baby!

GreenKangaroo · 13/12/2018 20:04

I used to work for a household name. 1 year they put cameras up prior to the Christmas party- caught people having sex in the loos and a director in the board room on the table. Apparently nothing came of of it as it was custom and practice!

SixToEightInchesOfSnow · 13/12/2018 20:27

Not in my job, but I’m a specialist teacher and there’s only one male on the team, so we’d all have to share 🤢

Moneypenny007 · 13/12/2018 20:35

I work in construction... I'm the only female on site... with 50 guys.... unless they are sleeping with each other no affairs at work.
I have been told by one lad he's going to get me drunk and take advantage of me at the Christmas party..... Not one lad I'd fancy a little bit if I was single...

OHolyNightOwl · 13/12/2018 21:01

In Finance it is very common, the parties (and Thursday drinks) were always carnage. Now work in STEM and it happens there too, but not to the same extent.

Whas is much worse is the amount of men working in the city, who have a flat and girlfriends in the city Mon-Thu and go home to the wife and kids over the weekend.

Menarefrommarsitwouldseem · 13/12/2018 21:30

I work for the NHS. My dept are full of Drs and ahp.

And everyone is at it. All of the time.
Christmas just slightly more blatantly I would say.

Like a pp has said with the regards to the police. I think it's a combination of sharing awful experiences together, spending a lot of time on shift together, horrible shifts.
They also all drink a lot too and are generally wild when out.

IgglePiggleWiggle · 13/12/2018 21:42

I work in a medical related field. Almost all the high ranking doctors have affairs. Most seem to settle down on wife 3. Surgeons are the absolute worst offenders. I don't actually think it's healthy for people to work as much as they do in some of these fields. It leads to all sorts.

Menarefrommarsitwouldseem · 13/12/2018 21:44

T&O surgeons in my trust. They have somewhat of a reputation. But yeah, surgeons in general.

Aria2015 · 13/12/2018 21:53

I don't go to my big work do’s any more because of this. It ALWAYS happens, some married or long term committed coworkers cheat and it’s depressing to watch. I had a married coworker come onto me a few years ago and that was the last one I went to. He's ’happily’ married with two children but he just didn't seem to care. The next year I heard that he went home with another colleague after they had been kissing all night! I like a drink and some fun with my coworkers and I find smaller gatherings are fine but get the whole office together and trouble seems to happen and seemingly decent people are cheating on their other halves left right and centre.

ButtMuncher · 13/12/2018 22:08

This has made for good reading whilst DH is on his Christmas do Grin(eCommerce, IT bods...mostly male with a few females sprinkled here and there...!)

LakieLady · 13/12/2018 22:13

*All at it like rabbits

Local govt and central not so much*

I worked in local government for years and there was very little extra-curricular shagging, with one notable exception: the librarians.

At one council I worked at, the library department was an absolute hotbed of adulterous liaisons. They were almost all at it. One guy was a particularly notorious shagger, and had at least 6 affairs, 3 of which ended in marriage break-ups and him marrying 3 of his shaggees. Another was nicknamed D'Artagnan, because he was a master swordsman, he was caught in flagrante delicto in the family's beach hut by the angry husband. Another librarian worked in a prison library, and made the most of her "captive audience", leading to the view that she was "only there for the screws". They had wild parties, that often ended up with skinny dipping and alfresco sex.

The legal department, where I worked, attributed their libidinous tendencies to too much time spent in the company of mucky books.

MrsMWA · 13/12/2018 22:14

DH has just rung me on his way back from his uni Christmas drinks to say another one of his mates has left his wife and three kids. They’re all lawyer BTW. Think the stress just gets too much eventually. Anyway he has not copped off with anyone, isn’t going to the work’s do tomorrow because he has ‘had enough’ and wanted to know if there was any cheese in for a snack. Maybe next year, eh?