Boxing day at MIL's

[MilStrikesAgain789]

DH has told Mil that we will go to her house for boxing day as a compromise for not going on Christmas day.
The problem is her house is almost a 2 hour drive away in the car with alot of traffic and my 12 month old DC hates being in his car seat. He can last about an hour in the car by distracting him with some peppa pig but that only works for so long and he gets really upset and starts to cry alot. Nothing seems to calm him down, tried milk, water, food, toys, singing but he hates being confined for that long (he hates his pram for that reason as well). Most of the journey is on a motorway or stuck in traffic so not alot of opportunity to pull over and take him out of the seat to calm him down, and once he has calmed down he is very reluctant to get back in the car seat. He is also worse when the car isn't moving, so the traffic makes him more upset.
WIBU to suggest my DH goes on his own so that my DC doesn't have to have a long journey which he will hate and cry for alot of the journey. Or any suggestions on how to calm a crying baby while traveling on a motorway or stuck in traffic. Mil is really keen on us all going saying how much she is looking forward to it.

@River Tam

No it's not nasty at all. I also din't call other posters a Nasty piece of work or a selfish.

It's boundaries. If it's not convenient at that age to travel for 2 hours and mum doesn't want to put her child through it, then it's not nasty is it. Nor am I. Just because I agree with he OP and others on here. There other times when you can see DGC and other times of year but OP asked about this Boxing Day and 2 hour drive.

Boundaries? This is a member of the OP’s family, whether she likes it or not (her user names suggests not) and her child’s grandmother. Who has invited her son and his family for a few days at Christmas, as families all over the world are doing.

What has it being Boxing Day got to do with it, the OP hasn’t said the baby’s worse on a bank holiday, has she?

I’d this was a day visit I would agree but it’s for a few days and her husband presumably would like to see his mum and family and take his wife and child with him. The baby isn’t the OP’s property. Not a newborn.

Your comments have been nasty. Without even knowing this woman you have been really unpleasant about the MIL.

Threads like this make me dread being a MIL.

Yes many toddlers hate the car. Mine would scream at the mere sight of their car seat.
Two hour journeys take up to six.
It is what it is.
This is your husband’s mum who has been told she won’t be seen on Xmas day (will she be alone?) and has thus invited you to stay for a few days at her house from Boxing Day.

Rather than being happy you have a welcoming family to share the season with you are suggesting not going at all as your toddler will cry at the journey.

Flipping heck.

Just crack on like everyone else does. Split the journey up, use snacks and the iPad and songs and accept there will be some tears.

Once it’s done your baby can have a lovely time with granny and you can enjoy all those puddings.

Cheer up and stop being a miserable mean DIL.

Oh and doubtless just because they like making their guests welcome with lovely food they don’t actually expect you to do a raft of puddings too.

Honestly you sound like a nightmare DIL.

And OP is allowed to say no if she doesn't want to go for Boxing Day.
OP said in her first line of the post. What I do know is OP is reluctant to go and the 'decision' was made between her DH and MIL not including OP. OP does not have to feel dragged along to this and if MIL does into like it she is a relative not a member of the immediate family.

Look to your own behaviour before you address mine.

2 hours is not that long and it's not like a day trip- it's a few night stay. Your dc needs to learn to remain calm in the car (mostly). God forbid there was an emergency and you had to do a journey on your own , you would just have to do it. Like others suggested, try and link with nap time, or instead of lunch provide healthy snacks. I would not be willing to be restricted by a toddlers preferences.

You seem very invested in the OP delboy..

Sweet Jesus, there are some very precious and dramatic mothers on here. You can just tell who owns the dc that will end up being 'that child'

It's the OP who posted the question. She is the only one looking out for her child

Someone sit in the back with baby- travel at nap time. There will be very light traffic inn Boxing Day. Of course MIl wants to see the DGC. Take turns driving sonifnthe baby really is kickninf off the whole time it’s jot as stressful. It’s not like you’re doing the same trip there and back in one day. If it was your mum would you make the effort?

Blimey, you’re coming up with excuses for everything people say!

Ffs.

You can’t live your lives round your baby. He will have to get used to being in the car. Doesn’t your mil deserve to see him over Christmas??

We took our dc to see dss from when they were newborn - 4 hours each way. No, it was the opposite of fun a lot of the time, but tough, they had to get used to it.

Can you coincide with nap time?

I think it's do-able if you plan it right. Two hours isn't that long really and you can't avoid doing things because it involves a car journey.

Set off, amuse him for the first hour. Then stop off (plan where before you go and book of needs be) - carvery type places are good for this. The food may be average but it's quick and they have play areas/space outside to walk/run around.

Then do the 2nd half of the journey.

You seem very invested in the OP delboy..

Indeed. She and OP seem to have very similar outlooks.

Damnnn who pissed in Marilyns cornflakes.. So much anger there

Teaching the MIL "No" OP is that you?

Does seem like OP just doesn't want to go.

OP. What are your Christmas arrangements with your birth family? The answer to what you do on Boxing Day might be in there. If you're not visiting them, then there is no need to travel to your in-laws.

The problem is her house is almost a 2 hour drive away in the car with alot of traffic

If the journey is ‘amost’ 2 hours with lots of traffic, how long would it be on Boxing Day with virtually no traffic?

I think you just don’t want to go! Did you ever answer when you’ll be seeing your own family?

Thanks for all the replies, didn't expect so many, thanks for the suggestions to help with DC. Sorry for the late reply, OP's found the Phenergan and had a slurp nah been testing it on Mil .

frippit Yeah I agree there is a lot of pressure on young families to try and please the in laws and grand parents at Xmas. She wont want to come here because she wants the whole family there and I don't have the room at my house.

lulupeg
Thanks for the reply, also tried everything and nothing seems to calm him, I hope this stops by 15 months.

Boxing Day traffic - usually don't travel on boxing day, so not actually sure how much traffic there will be, was assuming that people are leaving or travelling to other families so lots of traffic?

Taking the train - I don't think the trains run on boxing day - just checked national rail and cant see any trains on the 26th. Also would be alot to take with us, not just all the baby stuff but their presents too - they expect presents. They even write gift lists just like that cheeky Mil on the other thread I was reading.

Naptime - baby never naps in the car, if I managed to get him to sleep before we set off he would wake by me putting him in the car seat, he is terrible at napping and difficult to get to sleep.

My username - Knew I should have nc for this, yeah I'm not her biggest fan.

Yeah I am seeing my parents on Christmas day, but they are coming to my house and my Dad will help with alot of the cooking.

No Im not the OP trying to get out of taking the PILs for that Boxing Day lunch because of the FIL who guzzles the wine

MIL will be fine because she will be learning the word 'no' Thanks that has cheered me up.

It was a good opportunity for DS to learn a life skill called fucking lump it wish Mil would learn that life skill.

MarilynSlumroe Your mil sounds worse than mine
She emotionally blackmailed us over her own/her mother's illnesses We got the whole "it could be your grans last Christmas blackmail" the first time we were going to spend Christmas with my parents instead of her.

She wants to see her grandchild and most likely you and your DP too she would love it is it was just my DH and DC and I didn't go.

Don't feel sorry for my Mil, she is very overbearing, controlling, and emotionally manipulative. She will use silent treatment, passive progressiveness and emotional blackmail when she doesn't get what she wants.

Threads like this make me dread being a MIL
Think I have learnt how to be a good Mil because of my Mil - I wont do what she does (I won't phone my son when I know my Dil is pushing a baby out her vagina and I wont barge into her bedroom while she is trying to establish breastfeeding talking down to her like a 5 year old saying breastfeeding is just too difficult and should just stop doing it)

I'm in the lump it camp. Sorry op but YABVU to not go somewhere simply because your son doesn't like the car.

The more he is subject to journeys in the car the more he'll get used to it. Get someone to sit in the back or out nursery rhymes on repeat or listen to baby shark for what seems like hours on end like the rest of us! It's only a couple of hours. He will be fine. And you're staying there a couple of days so it'll break it up x

I have a lot of history with my MIL and could tell you some real horror stories about her behaviour. However, I determined not to be like her. We will go and see my husband's parents on Boxing Day - she has a son, and grandchildren and she may not be as involved in my children's lives as my Mum is, but she should still be able to see them, especially at Christmas. We will go - it won't be the bet day over Christmas for me, but it is the right thing to do.

Yes she sounds like a nightmare and totally get why you don't want to go but your post should be
can i use my DSs dislike of car journeys to get out of having to go and stay with MIL after Christmas?

I don't think two hours is that long, your baby will have to get used to his car seat at some point so may as well try it on Boxing Day when roads will be quiet.

I think it's natural for mil to want to see you all over the festive period, I don't think you've said but it's going to seem very unfair if you're spending time with your family.
When our girls were little we had to travel from Herts to Hereford to Durham and back again over Christmas. It was tiring but this was offset by that fact that both families got to see their grandchildren and it was a lovely change of scenery. Staying home over Christmas tends to lead to cabin fever in our house, we'd rather be out and about.

'There is alot of pressure on young families to try and please the inlaws' - what you mean visiting your extended family?!
You sound like you hate you mil And your last post shows you haven't moved an inch in your position despite all the replies in this thread. You say your mil is 'emotionally manipulative' - (how many times have i heard that phrase on mumsnet about mils!), - yet you can't see that you are trying to manipulate the situation yourself. Family life is all about compromise and give and take. Nothing is black and white.

So your parents are welcomed into your house on Christmas Day, but MIL isnt welcome (even on Boxing Day) because there isnt enough room and you are declining her invitation on Boxing Day because your baby will cry during the journey.

Just tell your husband you are not going because you don't like his mothers company be honest stop whinging and you are whinging saying it is about the baby it isn't about the baby at all not really you just don't like her