Boxing day at MIL's

[MilStrikesAgain789]

DH has told Mil that we will go to her house for boxing day as a compromise for not going on Christmas day.
The problem is her house is almost a 2 hour drive away in the car with alot of traffic and my 12 month old DC hates being in his car seat. He can last about an hour in the car by distracting him with some peppa pig but that only works for so long and he gets really upset and starts to cry alot. Nothing seems to calm him down, tried milk, water, food, toys, singing but he hates being confined for that long (he hates his pram for that reason as well). Most of the journey is on a motorway or stuck in traffic so not alot of opportunity to pull over and take him out of the seat to calm him down, and once he has calmed down he is very reluctant to get back in the car seat. He is also worse when the car isn't moving, so the traffic makes him more upset.
WIBU to suggest my DH goes on his own so that my DC doesn't have to have a long journey which he will hate and cry for alot of the journey. Or any suggestions on how to calm a crying baby while traveling on a motorway or stuck in traffic. Mil is really keen on us all going saying how much she is looking forward to it.

I'd assumed the meal was on Boxing Day so setting off at bed time wouldn't fit in.

Just go OP. This is what families do. My MIL told me in no uncertain terms how dreadful I looked when she arrived to see her newborn GD ('the colour of boiled shite' apparently) but you just have to get on with things in families. Your child will be fine. Journey will not be too bad on Boxing Day as long as you're not venturing near the Trafford Centre or similar.

Do you never go to MILs at other times?

Two hours of upset travel (one hour each way of Pepper pig) and one hour each way of upset) isn't really significant enough to be a good reason to not go visit relatives. I understand you don't want to go, I don't have an opinion on whether you should, but based on what you've told us YWBU to stop your DC from going with your DH. But since you also asked in your OP about ways to stop your DC crying on the journey, I think all the posts accusing you of being some kind of terrible, biased and vicious DiL are unfounded. It sounds like you kind of hope it would be terrible to force your DC to do this, but know that really it's just a part of family life and you need to suck it up.

When my kids were fussy in cars and later when they didn't fuss but one of them threw up on every long journey, we just planned lots of breaks on our journeys. Soemtimes the journey took more than twice the time it would have without the stops, but it made them into journeys worth taking rather than just time spent in a car. We stopped at decent motorway service stations, towns, woods, NT properties (for our sake, not our too-young-to-care-or notice DC) and parks. We basically planned a half day outing there and a half day outing back. And we had lots of tea and cake at smaller stops. It ended up being one of those things where the accommodations we made ended up becoming something we wanted to do long after the need for them had gone away.

If you don't want to go I think you need to sort yourself out and have the conversation with your DH/MIL. Hoping people on MN will say don't go, isn't going to help you have that conversation. You'll have more and more of these as your DC grows up, so best to get practising saying no now if it's what you want to do.

I think you need to go anyway. Baby will survive.

I really think that you should go. You will be making a rod for your own back if you don't. Not in relation to MiL but in relation to your child not liking sitting in a car seat or in a buggy/pram for any length of time. You will seriously limit how far and how you can travel with your child if you don't start now. Get your child used to travelling in a car seat, in a buggy, in a pram. For the sake of a couple of hours (and you've said that your MiL's place is about 2 hrs away) you will not regret it...unless there is another wholly unconnected backstory that is about your MiL and that is why you're making these excuses.

Also my family never had starters or deserts for Christmas dinner, it was always just a Sunday roast with more trimmings, so I only cook a roast for Christmas and don't bother with starters or deserts. So I don't see why in laws should demand starters and not just one desert but many if they come to my house, surely that is cheeky fucker territory?

Having a dessert with Christmas dinner is perfectly normal. Of course the in-laws aren't cheeky for expecting this very normal thing.

I have just read you say 'they expect presents.'

What, at Christmas? Cunts.

Blimey you sound like hard work. You should hope that your ds doesn't end up with a partner like you in 25 years time!

1 hr travel is nothing, sorry yabu....suck it up and visit your dh family
My family lived 8 hrs away and we tried to visit as often as possible ...they're all dead now so Christmas is going to be shit this year
Sit in back with dc and play with them

Is his car seat uncomfortable? Maybe strapped in too tight? Does he get car sick?

I ask this only because when I had small DC a drive round the block was a common solution to a non sleeping baby so for him not to like being in the car suggests he’s uncomfortable. When our DD started protesting was when the padding in the seat had become flattened so it must have been like being strapped to a pew, poor thing.

I don’t think 2 hours is an excessive journey, however I can see you wouldn’t be keen on staying for several nights. Don’t worry, neither will your MIL after she’s actually experienced it with a 12 month old (guessing this is the first extended stay?).

Just do it, it’s Christmas. Make your MIL happy.

Been there travelling a similar distance each year to my family. One year him screaming the whole journey home. I don't think some people appreciate how awful a journey can be if a little one isn't happy.

I do think you should try to go if you can. My son is now 5 and over travel fussiness, so you've only got a couple of Christmas years to put up with this.

Is there any option to do at least one end of the journey at night when he would be asleep?

If you've got to go in the day, go early and leave plenty of time. You can then break up a journey with a toilet break, runaround and a strong coffee for you.

I've always found a tablet the best for such journeys, either Netflix/iPlayer or some of the CBeebies apps.

Good luck!

Haven't rtft but if your baby hates being in a car seat, pram and wakes easily then perhaps he's uncomfortable. Maybe try a chiropractor or get him checked out to make sure there's nothing bothering him. Also check the car seat properly as it's not unheard of for things to be sticking out and causing crying babies.

If the common census was to decline MIL invitation but your DH was still willing to go on his own with HIS son - would you agree?

You wouldnt be there to witness any distress, DS might be quite happy with just Dad and if he's sat in forward facing car seat at front next to Dad he might be more than happy.

And the biggest plus you would get from this would be that you wouldn't be spending time with the MIL - oh wait.....but you also wouldn't be with DH and DS - hmmmm what to do - GET OVER YOURSELF AND GO - Jeeezzz!

Your DC isnt distressed in the car seat. He isnt hungry or dirty or cold or scared or in pain. He's just having a tantrum because he's pissed off because he wants out and you're saying no

This.

Your DC isnt distressed in the car seat. He isnt hungry or dirty or cold or scared or in pain. He's just having a tantrum because he's pissed off because he wants out and you're saying no

The “toddler” in question is 12 months. A baby in most eyes.

Just wondering what you ended up doing for Boxing Day @MilStrikesAgain789 - if you did end up going to visit MiL after all?

Thanks for the advice/ help with getting DC to be ok with the car seat.
@WhatchaMaCalllit I ended up going, DC was better than expected for most of the journey. I hated every minute of it, MIL spent the whole two days micromanaging everything, treating me and DH like kids. I have NC before and wrote about her behaviour and the consensus was she is bonkers and I should go low/ no contact. So yes I am looking for any excuse to avoid seeing her as much as possible because its very difficult to get DH to agree to the low contact.

its very difficult to get DH to agree to the low contact

Your MIL sounds very difficult but this is absolutely not something you should be pressuring your DH to agree to. You can decide for yourself to go low contact with your MIL if it suit you, but you should avoid trying to persuade your DH to do the same. He is and ought to be in complete determination of his relationship with his mum. It’s not for you to push him to go low contact because it’s what you want.

Delighted to read your update. Pleased that the drive wasn't as bad as you were anticipating. Agree with the poster above who says that you can decide for yourself to go NC but you can't force your DH to, even if it is in his best interests. You should be there to support him with whatever decision he makes.