Boxing day at MIL's

[MilStrikesAgain789]

DH has told Mil that we will go to her house for boxing day as a compromise for not going on Christmas day.
The problem is her house is almost a 2 hour drive away in the car with alot of traffic and my 12 month old DC hates being in his car seat. He can last about an hour in the car by distracting him with some peppa pig but that only works for so long and he gets really upset and starts to cry alot. Nothing seems to calm him down, tried milk, water, food, toys, singing but he hates being confined for that long (he hates his pram for that reason as well). Most of the journey is on a motorway or stuck in traffic so not alot of opportunity to pull over and take him out of the seat to calm him down, and once he has calmed down he is very reluctant to get back in the car seat. He is also worse when the car isn't moving, so the traffic makes him more upset.
WIBU to suggest my DH goes on his own so that my DC doesn't have to have a long journey which he will hate and cry for alot of the journey. Or any suggestions on how to calm a crying baby while traveling on a motorway or stuck in traffic. Mil is really keen on us all going saying how much she is looking forward to it.

I wouldn’t go if it is going to cause so much distress. Give it a year and your child will be in a diff seat with different views. Toddler behaviour such as this does not last forever so just skip it this year and explain to MIL the reasons for it. If you have other reasons as to why you don’t want to see mil then that’s fine but you should be honest about them.

JellyBabiesSaveLives - Does MIL just want you there “because it’s Christmas” even though she’s not going to spend much time with your ds cos she’ll be busy hosting and cooking for all the other people? Or is she actually going to be spending lots of time enjoying her gs?

This post has lit a light-bulb for me! We have a 2 hour journey to see inlaws and we can't stay over night so it's always 2 hours back again on the same day. So 4 hours in the car. It was a nightmare when DD was little. Almost as long in the car as the actual visit! And you know what? You're right. MIL spends apx 3 minutes of that time with DD and DH and i because she is in the kitchen cooking literally the whole time. Racing in and out with dishes of food which no one ends up touching and everyone constantly saying ''no more, please stop!!'

I don't know how she does it tbh. Lots of us are constantly asking her to just leave making the massively over the top buffet and come in with the rest of us, but no. Or we offer help, only to get shoo'd out of the kitchen. It's quite exasperating really. And a massive waste of food!

off thread sorry.

2 hours isn't really a long journey OP. Unless you want to create bad feeling I would just grit your teeth and go. You DS will never get used to travelling in the car if you avoid it.

I do understand. I have a severe fear of vomit and 2 DC who get travel sick sometimes. I HATE journeys with them, but I make myself do it (from time to time).

Could you travel in the evening after his bedtime? Make sure he's really tired (skip nap, lots of fresh air and exercise), give him his tea, bath, pyjamas etc. then snuggle him up with a blanket in his car seat. Don't sit in the back with him. Pop the radio on and drive. He might be distracted by the dark / bright lights and will hopefully fall asleep.

if your child learns that by crying and making a fuss every time they are made to do something they dont like stops it happening, they are going to be a nightmare growing up.

Its a baby. Babies should learn to do things that are part of people's usual way of life

YY If staying a few days, I'd travel after bedtime on Boxing Day.

To answer the OP- we were bullied into doing 5 hour drives every Xmas when my kids were tiny, to visit the in-laws. Often when the children were ill and the weather was appalling.

As a parent, your job was to say “no, my child is ill” “no, the weather is appalling”

There won't be any traffic hardly on boxing day and kids do have to get used to travelling or you'd go nowhere.
I do understand we used to travel for about 6 hours to visit family, you just need to stop often or in your case sit in the back, they all settle eventually, it's just getting them used to it.

To answer the OP- we were bullied into doing 5 hour drives every Xmas when my kids were tiny, to visit the in-laws. Often when the children were ill and the weather was appalling

Alternatively: when I was a kid the long journey back up to Liverpool were made fun by parents with a sense o the ridiculous. Believe my parents were awful in many respects, but car journeys were something they excelled at.

To this day I can tell you the landmarks, visible at noon or midnight, the oddest village names, things that used to be bit are no longer, are now but never were, etc etc.

Motorway with new fangled sodium lighting = The Yellow Brick Road etc

@MarilynSlumroe

Glad you changed.

But the thought I’d ever putting my baby through a five hour journey in appalling weather / when they will I’ll - is utterly alien to me.

@MarilynSlumroe

Good grief.

I had a baby who just screamed and screamed in the car seat. Sitting with her and trying to distract was practically worthless.

I would try a different car seat. The horrible screaming switched to just hatred and some crying when we ditched the infant seat and got a regular rear facing seat that worked for an under 1.

If that doesn’t work, I would tell Mil she needs to come to you. Unless she is too sick to travel, it isn’t fair to ask a baby who hates the car to spend that much time in a car.

@MarilynSlumroe
Huge over reaction. That PP expressed surprise at taking a baby on a five hour car journey whilst baby ill / appalling weather and said she wouldn’t do it. She’s not alone!

OP, it all depends on your motivation. Genuinely in best interest of your child, then decline. Otherwise, two hours not that bad of first hour is usually fine.

purplear - they come come to posters house because they expect a starter and 3 deserts and there isnt enough room

We have to travel for 5 hours each way (in good traffic) to visit the ILs, so we didn’t do it for the first couple of years after DS was born, mainly as we wanted to spend the holidays at home after being in work right up until Christmas Day and then being back on the 27th. Also because it’s be too short of a stay for such a long journey.
However we’re going for New Years this year as DH booked some time off, and I had no objections to us taking my spirited 2 year old in the car, in fact it was my idea, even though he’s big on car tantrums and is bored very easily.
We download CBeebies shows on to the iPad when we go as well as taking pencils and colouring books, having a little lap tray which velcros on to the child seat for when he’s snacking or doing activities, I sit in the back with him and chat and usually we leave at nap time so he’s sleepy. We did FF from 18 months as it made him happier as he could see everything and he was less sickly.

sorry that should say 'cant come'

@MarilynSlumroe

Let us know what you decide OP!

A 2 year old crying in a car seat for an hour isn’t going to do him any harm. We’ve been doing 5 hour plus journeys since my dc’s were weeks old. The best thing we ever did was buy in car DVD players! Could you see if someone has one you could borrow?

i hope when my kids have their own babies they can travel 2 hours to see me. I'd be gutted if i never saw my grandkids....i'm already looking forward to seeing them and they probably wont exist for another 5 years plus

You just get on with it. It's just one of the crap parts of owning a dc. It won't kill him. You'll all survive.

Your mil wants to see her grandchild at Christmas as much if not more than dh so I don't think dh going alone is a solution.

Can she come to you? Or stop at a service station let dc stretch and have a nosy about and a snack then another hour.

OP's found the Phenergan and had a slurp..