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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boxing day at MIL's

294 replies

MilStrikesAgain789 · 13/12/2018 14:37

DH has told Mil that we will go to her house for boxing day as a compromise for not going on Christmas day.
The problem is her house is almost a 2 hour drive away in the car with alot of traffic and my 12 month old DC hates being in his car seat. He can last about an hour in the car by distracting him with some peppa pig but that only works for so long and he gets really upset and starts to cry alot. Nothing seems to calm him down, tried milk, water, food, toys, singing but he hates being confined for that long (he hates his pram for that reason as well). Most of the journey is on a motorway or stuck in traffic so not alot of opportunity to pull over and take him out of the seat to calm him down, and once he has calmed down he is very reluctant to get back in the car seat. He is also worse when the car isn't moving, so the traffic makes him more upset.
WIBU to suggest my DH goes on his own so that my DC doesn't have to have a long journey which he will hate and cry for alot of the journey. Or any suggestions on how to calm a crying baby while traveling on a motorway or stuck in traffic. Mil is really keen on us all going saying how much she is looking forward to it.

OP posts:
Mrscog · 13/12/2018 15:53

Another vote for just suck it up. What car seat is he in? I KNOW it’s better to RF for longer but would he be happier in a stage 1 seat? If so maybe you could use it for one off journeys like this until he’s a bit bigger and you do the full transition.

I would go at nap time - a bit of car based sleep training won’t do him any harm and it’s lovely to have family wanting you at Christmas.

ChanelPlease · 13/12/2018 15:56

As a MIL I simply wouldn’t want my son, his wife and my 12 month old grandchild doing a 2 hour journey on Boxing Day

The problem isn't so much its Boxing Day, the op seems reluctant to take their dc in the car for a 2hr journey so she will have this dilemma every time. She could always go nc with the evil mil or demand the mil always comes to them until the dc stops crying in his car seat?

MarilynSlumroe · 13/12/2018 15:56

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HildaZelda · 13/12/2018 15:56

Not too helpful OP (sorry) but if I'm ever doing it again I swear next time round I'm marrying an orphan with no siblings!

JellyBabiesSaveLives · 13/12/2018 15:57

It’s a 2 hour journey and you’ve said he’s alright for the first hour so it’s an hour of screaming, you’ll cope.

I get you may not want to go anyway though.

Does MIL just want you there “because it’s Christmas” even though she’s not going to spend much time with your ds cos she’ll be busy hosting and cooking for all the other people? Or is she actually going to be spending lots of time enjoying her gs?

Does your dh want to go (other than to please his mum)? And he does know he’ll be responsible for 80% of the childcare, right? Because you’ll be holed up in your room with gin and a good book, sorry I meant sleeping off the screaming-induced headache

adviceonthepox · 13/12/2018 15:57

Wear toddler out before you go then hopefully he will sleep on the way there!

MarilynSlumroe · 13/12/2018 15:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wednesday32 · 13/12/2018 15:58

I would just be honest and say, 'while we would love to see you over Christmas, unfortunately the journey will not be possible with little one at the moment, and we are looking forward to a relaxing christmas in our own home.We would love to see you in the new year' . If the family don't like it, then tough. If you put yourself in situations you dont
like for others now, you'll forever be doing it.

MarilynSlumroe · 13/12/2018 15:58

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TarragonSauce · 13/12/2018 15:58

Can you stay overnight down there? I only ask because my plan would be - get your DH to ring MIL and explain that your DC is a nightmare to travel with therefore you'll both be totally stressed when you get there. It would be appreciated if MIL could the babysit for an hour or so whilst you and DH go to a nearby pub for an aperitif or three to calm your nerves before returning for the family meal. Thus leaving you suitably numbed for the rest of the day visiting with MIL and the rest of the family (which you clearly are trying to get out of...!)
Then get up early the following morning, deal with the journey, get home, pyjamas on and another aperitif or three.

delboysskinandblister · 13/12/2018 15:59

@MarilynSlumroe
I completely agree. I know someone who did this with her newborn just to get him into a sleep pattern to sleep through the night. This was someone who was determined to have children, 4 no less. Thankfully she decided 1 was enough. It's basically assault.

where do you stand on drugging MIL?

Sexnotgender · 13/12/2018 15:59

You won’t travel because your kid criesConfused

IHopeThisIsAGoodIdea · 13/12/2018 16:00

Could he be unhappy because of motion sickness?

yomellamoHelly · 13/12/2018 16:00

This is why we stopped travelling up to PIL to visit. You need to renegotiate for while he's small.

Iloveacurry · 13/12/2018 16:00

Last year we went to the PILs on Boxing Day and it took 3.5 hours, as we got stuck in traffic. It normally only takes 1 hour 15 minutes. So yes there is usually traffic on Boxing Day in my experience.

MarilynSlumroe · 13/12/2018 16:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

3timeslucky · 13/12/2018 16:02

Go.

Break the journey (and/or be pleasantly surprised at how quick it is on the 26th).

Stay overnight so you're not doing it twice in one day.

Enjoy someone else hosting the day.

Better 26th, than 25th!

ladydickisathingapparently · 13/12/2018 16:02

I don’t think a 2 hour car journey to visit family at Christmas is excessive. My MIL and I don’t see eye about everything by any means, but she would be distraught not to see her son and grandchildren at some point over Christmas week, and I wouldn’t dream of denying her the pleasure. My ILs live 2 hours away and we’ve always made the journey, sometimes with 3 bickering and/or crying children in the back. Do you never make long journeys with your DC? We did 6 hour drives to Scotland, flights abroad, and all sorts with small children. I really don’t think it’s the big deal you’re making it.

MrsJayy · 13/12/2018 16:05

Some times babies just get pissed off and cry go earlyish make a few stops along the way you can't let a year old rule you like this what about next year he might still object are you never going to go anywhere because son says so

ChanelPlease · 13/12/2018 16:09

unfortunately the journey will not be possible with little one at the moment, and we are looking forward to a relaxing christmas in our own home.We would love to see you in the new year

Will the ds not cry in the new year then?

PremierNaps · 13/12/2018 16:11

I will give you the answer you so desperately want OP - don't go! Your MIL sounds like a dick.

Suck it up. Just go! Your baby will learn a valuable life skill in the process. It's lovely your family want to see you.

Holidayshopping · 13/12/2018 16:11

This presumably is just a Boxing Day thing as your MiL will live 2 hours away on every day of the year.! Are you not going to see her ever?!

My in laws live 5 hours away-we go several times a year. You sound like you are making excuses not to go-of course she wants to see you at Xmas, you are her family! If you’re not going xmas day, you should go Boxing Day.

Are you seeing your family at all?

myhamsteratefreddiestarr · 13/12/2018 16:11

OP's later post states that MIL wants them to stay for a few days, so the child won't be doing the trip twice in one day, but a few days apart.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 13/12/2018 16:12

OP - it's about a 2 hour journey you say so I'd suggest that you start getting your baby used to getting in and out of a car seat/pram/buggy pretty sharpish as otherwise you'll be very restricted on where you can go over time. You'll seriously limit yourselves.
Sometimes babies don't need to be stimulated by being sung to or watching Peppa Pig. Be there for your child by sitting in the back seat or better still, get one of those huge mirror yolks that you can see them (if they are rearward facing in their seat) and they can see you but they don't have to be in your line of immediate sight.
Enjoy your Christmas and St Stephens Day visit to your MiL and all the relatives. You'll be there before you even know it!

winsinbin · 13/12/2018 16:15

It does sound as if you are making excuses not to go. That would be great for you but unfair on your DH if he wants some time with his family and on MIL and your son who deserve to build bonds and spend time together (unless there is a massive drip feed). The advice to start early is good. Then even if he cries for a little while if he is tired he is likely to cry himself back to sleep.

And I know it’s obvious, but try to stay calm yourself. If you get worked up and upset over your DS crying, he will sense it and get more upset. It’s a horrible vicious circle. For that reason you might be better in the front, deep breathing and willing him back to sleep, rather than next to him frantically trying to distract him him and just working both of you up more and more.