Boxing day at MIL's

[MilStrikesAgain789]

DH has told Mil that we will go to her house for boxing day as a compromise for not going on Christmas day.
The problem is her house is almost a 2 hour drive away in the car with alot of traffic and my 12 month old DC hates being in his car seat. He can last about an hour in the car by distracting him with some peppa pig but that only works for so long and he gets really upset and starts to cry alot. Nothing seems to calm him down, tried milk, water, food, toys, singing but he hates being confined for that long (he hates his pram for that reason as well). Most of the journey is on a motorway or stuck in traffic so not alot of opportunity to pull over and take him out of the seat to calm him down, and once he has calmed down he is very reluctant to get back in the car seat. He is also worse when the car isn't moving, so the traffic makes him more upset.
WIBU to suggest my DH goes on his own so that my DC doesn't have to have a long journey which he will hate and cry for alot of the journey. Or any suggestions on how to calm a crying baby while traveling on a motorway or stuck in traffic. Mil is really keen on us all going saying how much she is looking forward to it.

Or where seeing as they won't be at MILS on Christmas Day. Are they too a drive away?

One day you'll be a MIL too and you'll also want to see your children at Christmas

See when I'm a MIL, I'm going to say to my kids "we'd love to see you at Christmas, what's the easiest way we can get together?" Dead easy, and then nobody will have to tie themselves in knots trying not to be rude to me about my Christmas plans. I hope I will also be able to get across to the younger generation that I'm not made of glass, and that if they'd rather host me or see us outside of Christmas or whatever I will be fine, I will not spend my Christmas crying over a giant platter of unwanted pigs in blankets.

OP, I know this is MN heresy but if he's still in the rear facing car seat and he's now over 9kg could you now get him a forward facing seat? That might cheer him up. Although having said that I went nowhere with my kids when they were that age.

YABU. Your child will need to get used to journeys of longer than 2 hours and there are various ways to entertain them. I doubt that he is getting so distressed that you shouldn't go. He might moan, but are you going to give in to him all his life?

It just sounds like you don't want to go at all.

Just strap him in the car and talk to him, oh we are off to Granny's now, will be there soon, what can you see out of the window, blah blah blah.

@toomuchtooold In fairness to OP's MIL, OP doesn't want to visit OR host so she can't win, really.

Then they can take the train.

On Boxing Day? There are no trains, outside a very small number of local services. There are no long-distance trains, in England at least: Virgin have no services, Cross Country have no services, GWR, LNER...

Oh for the love of God, just go and see her! Stop making excuses!!

I once sat for 90 minutes in stationary traffic on the M62 in rush hour listening to 'We found love' by Calvin Harris on repeat. The. Entire. Fucking. Journey. because it was the only thing that stopping my baby crying.

Just wait until your DC is older and you will then have the entire 2 hour journey filled with a constant loop of 'I'm bored!' 'I'm hungry! ' 'Are we there yet?!' and 'How long will it take?!'.

I'm a MIL I would not expect my daughter to come to me on boxing day with a baby and or toddlers. There is a lot of pressure on young families to try and please the in laws and grand parents at Xmas.

I love my grandchildren but I see them a lot even tho they are 2 hours drive away. Christmas is just another holiday I can cope without the grand children for a few days. I'm happy doing my own thing with my husband.
It's unfair of your MIL to expect you to travel with an upset baby just to please her. Why can't she come to you?

AdamNichol

My own Dad told his own mum from the off that we as babies would not be schlepped from one side of the Home counties to the other in a 50 minute drive amongst drunks on the road at Christmas when we would be happier at home in our jim jams by the log fire with our stockings and cat and dog and enjoying our own family Christmas doing just as we pleased.

We always went to see Gran and stepgrandad just before Christmas so she saw us anyway.

OP - could you not suggest an alternative like see her before the day and then it's done? You and the kids would be much happier.

It was a good opportunity for DS to learn a life skill called fucking lump it

When will you expect your DC to be used to car journeys? It only become normal if they practice it a lot. You could be making a bad habit that will take real dedicated effort to break! after all travel is a fact of life. He'll have to do it sometime.
^^This. Unless your happy for all journey durations to be dictated by DC

You don’t want to go. You’re only interested in posts suggesting it’s unreasonable.

I personally wouldn't go. Let DH go and make it up another time when DC are able to manage better in the car / less traffic.
No point over doing it just because it's Xmas.

It's not pleasant for the little ones or for you. There will be many years to come hopefully when you'll be able to make the journey, once kids are slightly bigger.

I just don’t get these types of MILs

As a MIL I simply wouldn’t want my son, his wife and my 12 month old grandchild doing a 2 hour journey on Boxing Day

Yes I’d be desperate to see them but simply wouldn’t want them to endure that knowing my grandchild hates long journeys

There are so many people with families who aren't that interested in seeing their grandchildren. Have you thought about how nice it is that your mil is looking forward to your visit.

There won’t be lots of traffic on Boxing Day.

Please do it.

You already know your being ridiculous. You just want the collective mumsnet MIL bashers to pander into your ridiculousness and justify your selfishness. I’d suggest you stop being a dick and suck it up. But I expect you’ll not do because you appear to be one of those

Just read your other thread about your inlaws OP. You obviously don't like them, so why not just own up to it and tell her you're not coming on Boxing Day?

Don't be so mean. Just time it so your child will nap if possible and take earplugs.

AdamNichol

I agree sorry but your kid will have to get used to travelling at some point.

It's a really difficult transition at this age realising that your DC is crying because they want something not because they need something. And you cant and shouldnt give them everything they want. At some point your toddler will tantrum because you wont let them jump in the canal with the ducks or play with the kitchen knives. Your DC isnt distressed in the car seat. He isnt hungry or dirty or cold or scared or in pain. He's just having a tantrum because he's pissed off because he wants out and you're saying no.

If your MIL really cared she would understand. Do not make Christmas spurious journeys something you and DC have to endure just to please the collective. Safer indoors and off the roads too much fraught travel and morning after drunks on the road on Boxing Day. DH needs to grow a pair and put you and DC before his mum.

If she still doesn't get it save her a shot of Phenargen..

I am sorry but you can not spent two or three years of your life restricted to travelling less than an hour because your child cries. As long as you know there is not a real issue (hungry, wet, cold, frightened) then he is just trying to get his own way and you are letting him. Just get on with it!

Oops - meant to add, if you had not said he was pissy in the pram as well, then I would wonder whether the seat was uncomfortable. However, clearly he is just fidgetty.