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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Boxing day at MIL's

294 replies

MilStrikesAgain789 · 13/12/2018 14:37

DH has told Mil that we will go to her house for boxing day as a compromise for not going on Christmas day.
The problem is her house is almost a 2 hour drive away in the car with alot of traffic and my 12 month old DC hates being in his car seat. He can last about an hour in the car by distracting him with some peppa pig but that only works for so long and he gets really upset and starts to cry alot. Nothing seems to calm him down, tried milk, water, food, toys, singing but he hates being confined for that long (he hates his pram for that reason as well). Most of the journey is on a motorway or stuck in traffic so not alot of opportunity to pull over and take him out of the seat to calm him down, and once he has calmed down he is very reluctant to get back in the car seat. He is also worse when the car isn't moving, so the traffic makes him more upset.
WIBU to suggest my DH goes on his own so that my DC doesn't have to have a long journey which he will hate and cry for alot of the journey. Or any suggestions on how to calm a crying baby while traveling on a motorway or stuck in traffic. Mil is really keen on us all going saying how much she is looking forward to it.

OP posts:
MarilynSlumroe · 13/12/2018 17:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 13/12/2018 17:03

I'd have thought a 1 yr old would sleep the whole way unless it was just us that got lucky,ds sleeps in car even now at nearly 5.You could still go but maybe have a break after an hr when he starts getting restless,get some food,stretch legs etc then he should feel refreshed

aconcertpianist · 13/12/2018 17:03

You don't mention your family OP but would it be possible that you just have Facetime with your in-laws and your husband's in-laws (your family) That way, everyone is treated fairly and you get to spend your first Christmas as a little family in your own home.

Kikidelivers · 13/12/2018 17:05

@MarilynSlumroe

Where does she say “awful parenting”

I’ve just reread. She says it’s a parent job to say no. And then she says it would be alien to her to take a sick baby on a five hour journey.

At the risk of incurring your wrath, i agree with the PP!

timeisnotaline · 13/12/2018 17:05

I expect the op has tried really hard to think of a way to see the in laws without making it too stressful. Or, maybe she didn’t bother as she decided she would just bail. Poor mil hoping to see her gc at Christmas!

mumof2sarah · 13/12/2018 17:06

OP I get the impression that really you just don't want to go/cba with the palarva so trying to find someone to give you the reason not to or to justify your plan. She wants to see her grandchild and most likely you and your DP too. I'd just suck it up and think of the rest when you get there and they fuss over said child. Set off at a time which means you can stop half way for half hour for a drink or something to eat. Find games that you can play and just keep thinking "we're closer now than five minutes ago" every time it gets too much. I doubt there will be much traffic and I bet once you're there you will enjoy it xx

CantWaitToRetire · 13/12/2018 17:09

Are you trying to get out of taking the PILs for that Boxing Day lunch OP and having to split the bill? After your FIL has ordered all the expensive items off the menu that is Grin.

hohohobags · 13/12/2018 17:11

I would go at his nap time .. take lots of things to dangle or let him hold he's not seen before.

Musical toys and light up toys are your friend here. Or things they can fiddle with like different textures. A half empty water bottle you can tip up and down etc. Rainmaker toy etc. Sing nursery rhymes - action ones work best !

The a bit of tv/ phone watching and its job done. You'll be exhausted, but you'll get there. Personally I wouldn't stop on a 2 hour journey but you could go to a services.

You might have some musical toys he's grown out of now, so pop them in the car so he doesn't see them often and then they are more novelty.

If recommend things like these links

https://www.amazon.co.uk/dp/B001ABZGU2/ref=ascdff_B001ABZGU257444806/?tag=googshopuk-21&creative=22110&creativeASIN=B001ABZGU2&linkCode=df0&hvadid=208053488341&hvpos=1o1&hvnetw=g&hvrand=10496446285126135069&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=m&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9045752&hvtargid=pla-338366307280&th=1&psc=1

My DS loved this
https://www.argos.co.uk/product/4368528?cmpid=GS001&$ja=tsid:59156%7Cacid:444-797-0832%7Ccid:189934165%7Cagid:18262527325%7Ctid:pla-292378501834%7Ccrid:77627767645%7Cnw:g%7Crnd:16991950703426009864%7Cdvc:m%7Cadp:1o1%7Cmt:%7Cloc:9045752&gclid=EAIaIQobChMIm57L1KWd3wIV1uR3Ch0aMQCnEAQYASABEgJBYvDD_BwE

MinecraftHolmes · 13/12/2018 17:12

A 2 hour journey is nothing. Even with a difficult child. Drive 30 mins, stop somewhere interesting for coffee/run about. Drive an hour, if that's the max the child will tolerate in one go, stop for a run around/lunch/softplay/whatever. Drive the last half hour.

At the end of the day, your DS can't develop a relationship with your MIL based on her doing all the travelling every time he sees her.

HSarah · 13/12/2018 17:13

You can't send your DH alone in Boxing Day, surely the invitation is for all of you? This seems like a petty excuse. Just drive for an hour, stop somewhere for a cup of tea and have a break and then continue.

MarilynSlumroe · 13/12/2018 17:13

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SundayGirls · 13/12/2018 17:20

Buy an in-car DVD player. It straps onto the head rest with Velcro. Prepare with lots of DVDs. Fireman Sam, In The Night Garden, Ben and Holly, the CBeebies Christmas Specials, Peppa Pig. Just familiarise yourself with the volume control, how to change the DVDs (easy - usually a pop up front lid) and keep the DVDs in the front with you. It's an investment for every long journey you make and will be used for years as he moves on to older children's DVDs. We wouldn't have made scores of journeys with my DDs without it. Job done. You're welcome. Smile

Strokethefurrywall · 13/12/2018 17:42

Did someone suggest staying over somewhere? For a TWO HOUR journey? Are you having a fucking laugh?!

Jesus Christ OP, cowboy the fuck up and just deal with it, honestly I'm surprised some people leave the house judging by some of the ridiculous threads on here.

The comments are golden though, keep 'me coming!

JassyRadlett · 13/12/2018 17:49

Did someone suggest staying over somewhere?

I suggested setting off early and stopping at a services for breakfast and a break from the car seat if the baby is being awful...

I hate stopping before we’ve done 2 hours of driving but sometimes it’s been the lesser evil. Luckily DS2 has now grown out of car hating....

MinecraftHolmes · 13/12/2018 17:55

No you're right enough, someone did suggest stopping overnight on the first page.

Insane.

Bunnymumma · 13/12/2018 17:56

@Strokethefurrywall I'm creased up picturing people putting on a pair of chaps to wrestle the kids Into the car!

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 13/12/2018 17:57

I think Shatners meant the OP could stop overnight at her MILs to break up the driving not stop overnight for the journey.

ShatnersBassoon · 13/12/2018 18:01

Yes, that's what I meant, because it wasn't clear from the op if it was a day visit and would therefore be four hours in the car on Boxing Day. Not drive an hour to a motel, then do the second hour the next day Grin.

Purplehairdontcare · 13/12/2018 18:01

Bloody hell, I'm all for not kowtowing to your in laws, but I'm struggling to believe that there'll be as much Boxing Day traffic as you are making out.

Are you never going to go to their house? Or on any long car journey come to that?

Surely the baby will take a nap in the car?

Seems like you just don't want to go.

GreatDuckCookery6211 · 13/12/2018 18:09

Thought so Shatners Wink

delboysskinandblister · 13/12/2018 18:15

OP - just don't do it. If MIL doesn't like it. Tough. Your 12month is more important than her. She'll be so busy fannying around everyone else she won't be the one nursing baby's cries and discomfort and she would be the last one baby would want. 2 hours is far too far away at a fraught time of year.

Mummyoflittledragon · 13/12/2018 18:20

You just need to find the best time to travel I imagine. With dd we left a little before bedtime. A bit of playing / amusing then sleep. Sometimes she cried for half an hour before sleeping. We just had to grin and beard it. With my cousins dd was little they used to leave at 5 am. She would then go back to sleep. That wouldn’t have worked with dd. If we were unlucky, dd woke up fully then she wouldn’t sleep again for 4 hours!

dreamingofsun · 13/12/2018 18:42

delboy - when you have grandkids i hope your DIL takes the same stance with you. she is part of the family and spent many years bringing your husband up.

Strokethefurrywall · 13/12/2018 18:50

Thank fuck Shatners, I thought the world had lost its marbles!! Grin

Notonthestairs · 13/12/2018 18:52

In car DVD player and a refillable snack pot.

Honestly I had one child who if you just showed him the car seat he'd fall asleep and then came DD who screamed the car down.

My family live over 2 hours away and I would visit with my kids every 4-6 weeks. The DVD player and a cooler bag of food saved my bacon every time.

But if you are the poster complaining about Boxing Day lunch it's not really about the journey is it? You don't want to go.