To exclude one child (out of 21)? Christmas cards at nursery

[QwertyLou]

To be clear, I don’t want to leave this little lad out (nor does DS - they’re good mates) but we have to, due to his parents’ request.

So it’s more of a “how do I handle this?”

I wasn’t going to worry about Christmas cards this year (we did them last year - one for each child in his room).

But today I ended up cutting up cardboard, setting up paints, stamps etc and helped him make cards... He’s been home sick - quite lethargic, but well enough to need occupying.

We now have 21 Christmas cards, lovingly handcrafted and ready to go!

Only now do I remember about this little lad. And wish I thought of something else to keep DS occupied!

Last year, DS loved handing out the cards and the kids were excited to get them. After they all ran off, one of the Mums said “Sorry - we don’t celebrate Christmas” and handed her son’s card back to me (very politely and privately).

I think I said “Oh sorry!” or something inane, and tucked the card into my handbag. It was slightly awkward but all very polite, I soon forgot all about it.

Anyway - a year later, I’ve used it as a teaching moment and explained to my son about different religions and customs.

(my Mum did the same for me, I’d chosen the “Hail Mary” and she said matter-of-factly “oh some of the girls are Protestant and they don’t pray to Mary, choose another prayer!”

My son is fine with the religion discussion but says “Billy” “will be sad if I give a card to everyone but not to him!”

If Billy was a confident, bolshie little boy it would be easier. But he seems a very sensitive little soul. He was overjoyed to be invited to my son’s birthday party because he doesn’t tend to get invited to things often.

I once watched a little girl handing out invites and Billy was beaming, waiting for his. And when he didn’t get one his face... just crumpled and his eyes filled with tears. I just wanted to pick him up and give him the biggest cuddle!

TL;DR - how should my son hand out 20 cards without being mean to the one child he can not give one to?

Are there any non-Christmas celebrators who would be comfortable saying what you would want done?

PS. If I’d remembered earlier, I would have got him to make cards for people outside nursery.

PPS. They don’t have book bags.

If jw it really depends on how divout as to whether a card of any sort at this time of year will be accepted- (grew up with jw mum) I would suggest he draws or paints a picture for him instead.
As an aside - all the jw I knew growing up are still happy to say hello to me, no one ignores or is rude to me, quite the opposite in fact. Not attending assemblies was great, I got to miss the boring things and read instead. I got lots of gifts as a child and don't feel I missed out although I do love Christmas now with my children

I agree it would help to know the reason they don’t celebrate Christmas (of a different faith / atheist etc).

But they seem quite private people. A friend of mine is much more direct than me and basically just asked Billy’s mum (friend was class helper and noticed Billy doing something else while the class made Mothers Day cards).

Apparently Billy’s Mum just smiled and said “Why do you want to know?”

All the above suggestions, a nice card, happy holiday, thanks for being my friend etc. Be sure to tell the mother it is NOT a Christmas card. If he drwas it himself I cant see how it can offend

Another child of a JW mum here, though she didn’t convert till I was 10 so I got a few birthdays/Christmases in first!

Avoid any reference to celebrations over the holidays, anything that can be even remotely connected to “pagan” rituals will be turned down. A nicely patterned card with a message of your son’s choosing (no “happy holidays” as that could be taken to mean the festival itself even if you just mean “school holiday”)

Definitely no reference to New Year either - that’s another “pagan” thing.

I guess I did feel slightly rebuffed (last year), especially since (to me) it was just a fun, childlike card with a secular message.

but I appreciated that she didn’t do it in front of the boys - neither of them had any idea. She just gently took the card before he raced off. At that age (just 3) i’m sure he would have forgotten about the card come home time (I hope).

As someone who doesn't celebrate Christmas, I wouldn't refuse such a card - I think it's a lovely thought - but I know my kids particularly appreciate when people recognize it as do I.

I agree with the idea of a 'thank you for being my friend' card or a 'Hope you have a great 2019' card since you don't know why she's rejecting the cards. Even if his mother doesn't allow him to keep it, I think the effort and showing he's being included and recognized would be worth it for the kid with everything you've said.

Definitely make this boy a card, ideally a non Christmas card. I like the 'thank you for being my friend' idea.

It may mean something to him that he has not been excluded, even if he has to throw the card away. Or, his DM may have changed her stance, or he might just hide it and not show her.

Include him, and let him and his family decide how to respond this year.

FWIW I have no religious affiliation but receive many Christmas cards and also Eid cards and I am happy to be given them.

Thanks for the responses - lots for me to mull over. I probably am overthinking it as usual.

Billy is overall a very happy, sweet little boy (I’ve only seen him cry that one time).

Thanks again

at the mum! DD has a few Muslim friends and their mums have never handed her Christmas cards back! Accept the card with good grace and put it in the recycling.

@APositiveMind indeed I do

Wishing you a very Happy New year 2019! Happy holidays etc.

If I was given a Happy Eid or Happy Hanukkah card or gift from a friend who celebrates those religious festivals or another; I would be honored they thought of me.

Me too. A colleague gave me a small gift for Eid and I was very touched.

Although me, being a dickhead, asked him a couple of years ago if his kids were excited for Christmas. He was very gracious and it turned out they had been to see Santa and were very excited about it

@onecutefox a JW would reject Happy New Year and Happy Holidays as they see it as acknowledging pagan festivals.

Happy Holidays?

Meant to add, maybe say ‘Hope you enjoy your winter holiday’ or something to that affect?

Raised as JW (family disfellowshipped when heavy metal loving brother refused to have his hair cut as 'a representative of Jehovah to those in the World' by arguing to Elders that 'Jesus had long hair').

A non-Christmas card is really a Christmas card by stealth (wouldn't be given at any other time of year) and, worse still, suggests that you pity the poor children of JWs. With good reason, it is awful.

But realistically this will make things worse for Billy and other JW DC and may well lead to even more religious instruction along the lines that it is really the DC of non-believers who should be pitied as they will die in a firey pit come Armageddon.

I used to wish we were Amish - being 'in the World but not of it' is a difficult place to be because of parental belief.

Knock up a 22nd card saying happy holidays without any Christmas references and a ton of special stamps/ stickers etc.

They may not do Christmas but everyone does the winter holidays. You could make it snow orientated rather than Christmas

@CaveMum, oh I didn't know. How word.

DD has a few Muslim friends and their mums have never handed her Christmas cards back!

There is a difference between not celebrating a festival and being activel banned from celebrating it. But, if the mum has a problem with her child receiving the same favours as the rest of the class, she needs to move her child to somewhere that doesn't do 'other' religious activity

JWs do not do winter holidays or holidays at any other time of the year that are a celebration of this (temporary) world and have pagan, 'false' religion or capitalist origins. Their 'eyes are on the prize' of everlasting life following Armageddon that will only be granted to true believers.

DISCLAIMER: I don't actually believe this nonsense.

They may not do Christmas but everyone does the winter holidays

In my experience if he is a JW then this is not true. I would opt for the picture idea if she didn't accept a seasons greetings card one saying happy holidays or to a special friend is unlikely to be accepted.

You make a fair point, KeepOnKeepingOn. I was going to say I loved the idea of a different sort of card too, but now you've made me think again

It's not that I disrespect anyone's beliefs, but I really wish that all this exclusion could just stop ... for pity's sake, how can a bit of friendly sharing hurt anyone??

Seasons greetings is likely to related to the festive season.

We get Happy Holidays wishes from our Indian colleagues.

I don't want to offend anyone but I find some religious people a bit choosy. For example, in our school we have a few families which follow this sect called Plymouth Brethren. Our school is C of E. They don't allow their children to attend birthday parties from outside of their sect because everyone else is unclean. During the lunch time they eat separately. The kids don't take part in Christmas plays. But then they attend C of E school! In Y3 or 4 the children would move to another school catering for PB children only. This sect discriminates everyone outside of their beliefs and the headteacher tolerates it. Most insulting is when they allow these children to eat separately during the lunch times because other kids are unclean.

We had to put on role plays on the stage at the local Kingdom Hall to show how to deal with exactly these situations and how they could be used as an opportunity to Witness. Stories would be shared of how DC had rejected/destroyed cards and presents.

Usually we would be told that people might think that they were being kind but had been tricked by the Devil to try and seduce impressionable young children into the ways of the World. Throw in tales of being cast out of the Garden of Eden, Sodam and Gomorrah etc.