To exclude one child (out of 21)? Christmas cards at nursery

[QwertyLou]

To be clear, I don’t want to leave this little lad out (nor does DS - they’re good mates) but we have to, due to his parents’ request.

So it’s more of a “how do I handle this?”

I wasn’t going to worry about Christmas cards this year (we did them last year - one for each child in his room).

But today I ended up cutting up cardboard, setting up paints, stamps etc and helped him make cards... He’s been home sick - quite lethargic, but well enough to need occupying.

We now have 21 Christmas cards, lovingly handcrafted and ready to go!

Only now do I remember about this little lad. And wish I thought of something else to keep DS occupied!

Last year, DS loved handing out the cards and the kids were excited to get them. After they all ran off, one of the Mums said “Sorry - we don’t celebrate Christmas” and handed her son’s card back to me (very politely and privately).

I think I said “Oh sorry!” or something inane, and tucked the card into my handbag. It was slightly awkward but all very polite, I soon forgot all about it.

Anyway - a year later, I’ve used it as a teaching moment and explained to my son about different religions and customs.

(my Mum did the same for me, I’d chosen the “Hail Mary” and she said matter-of-factly “oh some of the girls are Protestant and they don’t pray to Mary, choose another prayer!”

My son is fine with the religion discussion but says “Billy” “will be sad if I give a card to everyone but not to him!”

If Billy was a confident, bolshie little boy it would be easier. But he seems a very sensitive little soul. He was overjoyed to be invited to my son’s birthday party because he doesn’t tend to get invited to things often.

I once watched a little girl handing out invites and Billy was beaming, waiting for his. And when he didn’t get one his face... just crumpled and his eyes filled with tears. I just wanted to pick him up and give him the biggest cuddle!

TL;DR - how should my son hand out 20 cards without being mean to the one child he can not give one to?

Are there any non-Christmas celebrators who would be comfortable saying what you would want done?

PS. If I’d remembered earlier, I would have got him to make cards for people outside nursery.

PPS. They don’t have book bags.

Agree with Molaki
Have been speaking with my OH about this thread. His opinion (being ex JW from a very veryyy strict JW family) is don't give a card at all. He wouldn't have been allowed to keep even a 'thank you for being my friend' card at this time of year as 'the reason behind giving it is to do with Christmas'
Such a shame. Poor billy. I know from dozens of conversations with oh that this time of year is quite hard for JW children. Honestly I feel so sorry for him but thats a whole different thread!

Molakai** apologies

Just give him a card!

Happy New Year card?

This little boy is at the beginning of his journey of being a non-mainstream religion in the UK.

He will face lots similar experiences in life but may also have lots of positives.

So I wouldn’t sweat it tbh.

Hard to be sure what to do in this precise case. My starting principles would be

1 Billy hasn't chosen whatever religion his parents have foisted upon him
2) people that get offended over being given a message from a religion different to theirs need to get over themselves.

Xmas time, DD used to give a 'Thanks for being my friend' present to her friend who was JW. As extremely not Xmassy type present as possible.

Thing about PBrethryn is they are very shun the outside world in outlook, so no gesture would satisfy them.

I truly think it’s a brainwashing cult. I am so open minded with other religions but JW just drive me bonkers....

Got many Muslim friends, who all send Christmas cards and are of course happy to receive them, some even get Christmas trees and have a Christmas dinner, I think it’s lovely 😊

I grew up not celebrating Christmas. I loved it when my friends made an effort to include me, especially if it was something my parents would accept us keeping.
I was allowed to accept cards at Christmas time if they had snowmen, robins, snowflakes. No father Christmas, and no reference to Christmas in text.
Thanks for being thoughtful!

in our school we have a few families which follow this sect called Plymouth Brethren
We had a couple of these children at school when I was a kid. They used to peek out of the classroom door, trying to see what they were missing, when we had assembly in the hall. Didn't realise they thought we were unclean 😲

She sounds a bit joyless. If someone gave mean eid card for example I would accept it gladly and put it up. It's a nice thought.

Lots of misinformation about jws on this thread. Just give a non Christmas card. Don't over think it.

Some people of all religions take things too far but the jws I know would accept cards and presents and say thank you. Just don't expect anything in return.

but the jws I know would accept cards and presents and say thank you

But the whole point of the thread is that last year the mother did NOT do this. She handed the card back @flirtygirl

Thanks for all the comments, and special thanks to those whose parents were JW (and @golddustwomen 's husband). Very helpful.

DS does not have nursery today but my friend's son is giving his cards out today, so I'll find out how they went.

I don't think they can be strict JW as Billy came to my son's party. He didn't bring a present or card (which is totally fine - only mentioning in case it clarifies re religion!) and wasn't allowed to borrow an old T-shirt of my son's (to protect his good clothes for painting) so maybe they are Brethren (in light of the "unclean" comment up-thread)? Or maybe there are just slightly eccentric and I'm totally overthinking it!

I'm probably overly sensitive about making a child feel "different," as its something I'm conscious of with my own son - his father his absent while his classmates all have present and loving Dads. So Father's Day can be tricky for us, just as Christmas might be tricky for non-Christmas-celebrating families.

It is absolutely fine to give out the cards. It's an option to give the boy a 'non Christmas' card. You're not responsible for his feelings or his parents' choices.

Make him a card and put a train or a tractor on the front. To billy, love your son.
Done

Also the mother made it awkward. She should have just chucked it away and explained to her son about their choices in life.

Bloody hell. The kid already sticks out like a sore thumb. It’s none of your business. His mum and said don’t give him a card, so don’t. It’s not your place to feel sorry for him or awkward about it. Just give to the others who appreciate it.

The kid will be paying a fortune in counselling when older, but not your issue. If your son feels upset then just say ‘Billy’s mum doesn’t want him to have one as he doesn’t celebrate Christmas’.

I thought last year’s card was a non-Christmas card (a snowman and no “Christ/ mas” written anywhere), my atheist sister
even bought the same pack and she is passionately anti-religion to the point she calls it Xmas!

Athough someone unthread thought “seasons greetings” might imply Christianity so maybe that’s it.

Why do people who don’t celebrate Christmas give them back.
I actually don’t have any Jewish and very few muslim friends ( perhaps that’s the issue) but if someone gave me a happy Hanukkah or eid card, I’d be very touched I was being included; say thank you very much and display the card...

Yes if i was the other mom I would probably just discreetly dispose of it later, at 3-4 your child is excited to open it but then forget.

But I can’t imagine being bothered, i’d be thrilled if he received something to mark Diwali / Eid / Hanukkah / Kwanzaa / CNY but it’s probably different because I’m part of the (historically) dominant religion where we live.

I assume she felt it important to communicate the boundary, he doesn’t make Mother or Fathers’ cards in class.

Maybe you could get your son to paint him a picture instead of a card. This may remove the Christmas connotations from the gift.i used to teach JW children and had to replace anything linked to Christmas or Easter. So if I got mini eggs or chocolate snowmen for my class, I’d get him chocolate buttons. On another note, if this child’s family were Plymouth brethren, you would know as their dress code I said quite recognisable. Also, they are not allowed to eat with others.

I despise the JW religion. Watching a family member be shunned at their parent's funeral - as in the entire group of them physically turned their backs - was infuriating and heartbreaking in equal measure.

I don't have time for any religion which espouses throwing out family members - including children - regardless of their age, if they don't toe the line. But I have a particular dislike for JW because it is so focused on members trying to make it as one of the anointed 144,000, which seems to be used as a convenient excuse for behaving like an arsehole to non-believers when it suits.

Was the chocolate snowman deemed Christmassy? I thought snowmen were religion-neutral.

To the PP who asked - they don’t have trays or anywhere to put notices, The nursery gives all notices online.

they have open lockers for their bags but everyone can see everything so teachers have specifically asked, don’t put invites in there. Because the kids can see who was/not invited and tears can result.

We don’t know if he’s JW, but I don’t celebrate Christmas either but I still accept cards, wishes etc. Plenty of people of no religion celebrate Christmas too.
Seems v mean of his parents to say that. Just accept card then throw away if you must.