To exclude one child (out of 21)? Christmas cards at nursery

[QwertyLou]

To be clear, I don’t want to leave this little lad out (nor does DS - they’re good mates) but we have to, due to his parents’ request.

So it’s more of a “how do I handle this?”

I wasn’t going to worry about Christmas cards this year (we did them last year - one for each child in his room).

But today I ended up cutting up cardboard, setting up paints, stamps etc and helped him make cards... He’s been home sick - quite lethargic, but well enough to need occupying.

We now have 21 Christmas cards, lovingly handcrafted and ready to go!

Only now do I remember about this little lad. And wish I thought of something else to keep DS occupied!

Last year, DS loved handing out the cards and the kids were excited to get them. After they all ran off, one of the Mums said “Sorry - we don’t celebrate Christmas” and handed her son’s card back to me (very politely and privately).

I think I said “Oh sorry!” or something inane, and tucked the card into my handbag. It was slightly awkward but all very polite, I soon forgot all about it.

Anyway - a year later, I’ve used it as a teaching moment and explained to my son about different religions and customs.

(my Mum did the same for me, I’d chosen the “Hail Mary” and she said matter-of-factly “oh some of the girls are Protestant and they don’t pray to Mary, choose another prayer!”

My son is fine with the religion discussion but says “Billy” “will be sad if I give a card to everyone but not to him!”

If Billy was a confident, bolshie little boy it would be easier. But he seems a very sensitive little soul. He was overjoyed to be invited to my son’s birthday party because he doesn’t tend to get invited to things often.

I once watched a little girl handing out invites and Billy was beaming, waiting for his. And when he didn’t get one his face... just crumpled and his eyes filled with tears. I just wanted to pick him up and give him the biggest cuddle!

TL;DR - how should my son hand out 20 cards without being mean to the one child he can not give one to?

Are there any non-Christmas celebrators who would be comfortable saying what you would want done?

PS. If I’d remembered earlier, I would have got him to make cards for people outside nursery.

PPS. They don’t have book bags.

@DMF1305
@floodypuddles
to you both and thanks for the insights, really helpful. Sorry you had to go through that!

Yes we definitely will give Billy something, but I want to make sure the solution will work for Mom and Dad too.

If he gets the “thank you for being my friend” card home but his parents do not allow him to keep it, it would defeat the purpose!

I’d rather deal with any awkwardness upfront than risk giving him something he is not allowed to keep.

most of the kids I grew up with (me included) rejected the religion as soon as they could. Don't know what they think the benefit is...

Same. The JW friend I talked about is gay so has been completely disowned. Likewise I have another gay friend who grew up JW and felt the need to hide his homosexuality through marriage. He came out at 30 after his divorce and his family no longer speak to him.

Out of all religions, that is the one I despise the most.

I think, not a card in an envelope, just a single card (not folded) with a nice picture 'thankyou for being my friend this year, see you next year' type thing.

Great idea, if the mom gets annoyed about that, she really is a dickhead

If JW they may not be able to accept the card at all. My friend wasn’t allowed to celebrate her birthday.

A chocolate coin, with the cards and he just gets the coin? You can get dairy free ones in Tesco to be on the safe side for all the dc

Just let your son draw his friend a nice picture and put in envelope as fezzesarecool has suggested. It would be very hard for any parent to object to that. If she says anything just tell her it is not a card just a drawing and nothing at all to do with Xmas. When my dd was a primary school we lived next door to JW and even though my dd played with the two little girls next door and they were friends the girls could not be invited to my dd birthday party. I felt bad as they used to look out of a window and wave when they saw the party guest coming. Very hard on the children to be left out.

Poor kid, I don't see the logic of taking the card from her young child and handing it back, what did she think would happen?

Some Christian sects are rabidly anti-Christmas.

The kids mum will be aware that she is making her child different. But she doesn't get to control how other children express their affection for her child - the wider world is not obligated to follow her religious rules when it comes to interacting with her child in a setting such as school or nursery. Just as you can't demand she supplies xmas cards to the rest of the class.
In deference to her views, you can offer a not-christmas card and be upfront about this so she doesn't merely feel ignored. You are within your rights to avoid the discomfort of feeling that you are deliberately excluding a child. If she has a problem with her child being included in a secular activity, she really needs to move her child to a setting that shares her values.

Just make him a nice card. It doesn't have to be for Christmas. I don't celebrate Christmas (except in a, I do really enjoy turkey and a mince pie kind of way). I'm Jewish. But frankly, I think it's quite rude to hand someone back their Christmas card. It's fine to say, "thank you, we're [insert whatever religion] and don't really celebrate Christmas, but that's so kind of you." If you know what religion he is and can make a suitable card for that (I'd love a Hanukkah card!), great, otherwise, just a nice drawing on a card and his name and no mention of Christmas is fine, I think. Personally, I still get loads of Christmas cards every year. I even get a few "praise Jesus" uber Christian ones (from people who clearly know I don't believe in Jesus). I cringe a bit at those, but I appreciate the thought nonetheless (the proselytising, not so much...).

HotInWater the 'have a nice time off school card' actually made me a bit teary, that's so sweet!

Definitely stashing that idea away should I ever be in the same situation.

I understand his mum was polite and that not everyone celebrates Christmas but your son was giving his friends cards as part of his own celebrations and actually I think the mum was quite rude to hand it back. She could have used it to teach her son about different celebrations as you did or quietly disposed of it at home, At work we have an Islamic society who arrange Eid celebrations each year and invite people to meals to break the fast after sundown and lots of people of all faiths attend and have a great time, me an atheist included. I've also been given cards for religious based celebrations before by friends and colleagues and happily accept them. I feel sad for the little boy that his mum is actively encouraging him to be singled out.

Could he just make a 'thanks for being a friend' card? Then the little boy has a card from his friend but it doesn't represent the religious holiday. X

Please can people RTFT so then there isn't a hundred posters saying the same thing over and over again.

Why not ask the mom directly if you could send a friendship card or similar? Most JWs I've known (there were several who went to my school) would've accepted the card but then simply disposed of it later, although perhaps their teachings have changed. There was a time they did celebrate Christmas.

Oh and just an FYI, someone up thread said Mormons (Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints) don't celebrate Christmas (and possibly anything from how it was written), I don't know who they were thinking of but trust me there'll be trees and cards, nativity plays and scenes, parties and talks all about Christmastime in LDS churches across the world. I just wanted to add that in case anyone panics and doesn't send their LDS friend a card or whatever from reading this thread.

Please can people RTFT so then there isn't a hundred posters saying the same thing over and over again

Why do people demand everyone RTFTs, browsing is less fun if you're expected to read the full thing everytime. can people not just reply to the opening post sometimes, unless it's a very serious thread?

If she was deliberately isolating her child from common interactions with other children at school, etc, and didn't have "God makes me do it" as an excuse, there'd be cause to consider it abusive.

But (some specific) religions get a get-out-of-jail-free on this

@Trinity66 a quick glance would suffice. I have just RTFT and there was post after post saying 'send a friendship card' you don't have to read it in detail but taking time to have a glance over takes a few seconds

Poor kid. Some people really don't understand how being singled out as a weirdo makes you feel.

I was that child!

Some parents, that is.

I have just RTFT and there was post after post saying 'send a friendship card'

See if only you just hadn't RTFT you wouldn't have had to endure the annoyance of reading multiple similar posts

Poor Billy!

I love the thanks for being my friend card idea!

We haven't done ours yet and may steal that and do "thanks for being my friend this year" cards for everyone perhaps with a snowman ⛄️ on myself!

@Trinity66

Maybe I’ve got this wrong (please correct me if you know!) but I thought “Seasons Greetings” was a secular phrase. As in, “Greetings of Winter!”

We were religious but there was a few cheerful atheists about, and mom picked out the “seasons greetings” cards for them.

What I’m getting at - if “Seasons Greetings” and a snowman were not acceptable, wouldn’t “happy holiday” or “happy break” fail as well?

But if I’m wrong and Season’s Greetings does have a religious connotation, one or more of these ideas should work. Thank you!

Wakeup, do you just come on threads to RTFT then moan at people for repeated ideas?
It's nearly Christmas, lighten up.

I don't quite understand the reason to reject it tbh.

If I was given a Happy Eid or Happy Hanukkah card or gift from a friend who celebrates those religious festivals or another; I would be honored they thought of me.

I think the "Thank you for being my friend" card is a super idea.

When I was teaching there was one JW mum who let her child accept cards but didn't display them or send their own. We had to make separate arrangements for JW children at Christmas and a ta had to take them out when we sang happy birthday, this was the parents' choice and not the school's decision to isolate them as someone thread implied. Parents usually kept them off school on nativity play day etc.

I had no problem with this but did object to the Born Again type parents who managed to stop the whole school mentioning Halloween in any way and even tried to stop yr6 reading Macbeth which, I think, was a NC thing.