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Original poster

To exclude one child (out of 21)? Christmas cards at nursery

360 replies

QwertyLou · 13/12/2018 11:11

To be clear, I don’t want to leave this little lad out (nor does DS - they’re good mates) but we have to, due to his parents’ request.

So it’s more of a “how do I handle this?”

I wasn’t going to worry about Christmas cards this year (we did them last year - one for each child in his room).

But today I ended up cutting up cardboard, setting up paints, stamps etc and helped him make cards... He’s been home sick - quite lethargic, but well enough to need occupying.

We now have 21 Christmas cards, lovingly handcrafted and ready to go!

Only now do I remember about this little lad. And wish I thought of something else to keep DS occupied!

Last year, DS loved handing out the cards and the kids were excited to get them. After they all ran off, one of the Mums said “Sorry - we don’t celebrate Christmas” and handed her son’s card back to me (very politely and privately).

I think I said “Oh sorry!” or something inane, and tucked the card into my handbag. It was slightly awkward but all very polite, I soon forgot all about it.

Anyway - a year later, I’ve used it as a teaching moment and explained to my son about different religions and customs.

(my Mum did the same for me, I’d chosen the “Hail Mary” and she said matter-of-factly “oh some of the girls are Protestant and they don’t pray to Mary, choose another prayer!”

My son is fine with the religion discussion but says “Billy” “will be sad if I give a card to everyone but not to him!”

If Billy was a confident, bolshie little boy it would be easier. But he seems a very sensitive little soul. He was overjoyed to be invited to my son’s birthday party because he doesn’t tend to get invited to things often.

I once watched a little girl handing out invites and Billy was beaming, waiting for his. And when he didn’t get one his face... just crumpled and his eyes filled with tears. I just wanted to pick him up and give him the biggest cuddle!

TL;DR - how should my son hand out 20 cards without being mean to the one child he can not give one to?

Are there any non-Christmas celebrators who would be comfortable saying what you would want done?

PS. If I’d remembered earlier, I would have got him to make cards for people outside nursery.

PPS. They don’t have book bags.

OP posts:
Rosalise · 13/12/2018 11:29

"Thank you for being my friend" but no envelope. Because the mum might reject the envelope without checking what's inside, expecting a Christmas card.

Bungleinthejungle · 13/12/2018 11:33

Awww you guys are lovely. Thanks for being my friend. Brilliant.

floodypuddle · 13/12/2018 11:37

I was this kid, I would have loved a happy new year or thank you for being my friend card. It was always hard being 'that weird excluded kid'.

Can't stand it when the parents drain all the fun out of life for their kids, most of the kids I grew up with (me included) rejected the religion as soon as they could. Don't know what they think the benefit is...

GreenMeerkat · 13/12/2018 11:40

Why is it he doesn't celebrate Christmas? I think this is quite an important detail in knowing how to handle it

Beaverhausen · 13/12/2018 11:42

@Neverunderfed that is a wonderful idea.

TornFromTheInside · 13/12/2018 11:45

Just a nice special card 'to a fantastic friend' should be ok - which is essentially what most other people are saying (or just have a word with the mother and see what she thinks). I would hope they appreciate that you took the time to take their belief (or lack of) into account, but also didn't want to isolate them.

HotInWinter · 13/12/2018 11:46

Thanks for being my friend, no envelope, sounds like an awesome idea.

DS gave his teacher a card with a present and "Happy Christmas" on the front. His TA, who doesnt celebrate Christmas, got a card with "Have a nice time off school" inside. He apparently got a hug for it. I think it's always nice to receive something, just make it appropriate to the recipient.

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 13/12/2018 11:48

I would just make him a little card with no reference to christmas. If he still hands it back so be it but I suspect the little lad will be glad to be remembered whatever his parents say about christmas.

HotInWinter · 13/12/2018 11:49

That reads like teacher got a present, and TA didn't, the card was a picture of a present. Both teacher and TA were treated the same.Xmas Blush

Rosesareredvoiletsareblue · 13/12/2018 11:49

Could make a separate card for him saying something about being friends or something similar?
At my sons nursery they have these plastic trays on the walls with each kids name on and I generally just put cards/invitation in there and ask a member of staff to remind parents to check them (I always need reminding to check my DS's!) does yours have something like this? If not I'd suggest giving them all to the room leader for them to give to the parents at pick up, that way the little boy will be none the wiser about getting one because your DS won't be handing them out in front of everyone.

Trinity66 · 13/12/2018 11:49

Poor kid, I don't see the logic of taking the card from her young child and handing it back, what did she think would happen?

Dottierichardson · 13/12/2018 11:50

Buy a plain card with a cartoon or something similar wishing him happy holidays...or as other posters suggest happy new year...

babysharkah · 13/12/2018 11:53

Happy holidays is fine, done overthink it!

My work have sent cards saying "have a cosy holiday". Ridiculous imo but there you go. Happy holidays covers it nicely.

BabySharkAteMyHamster · 13/12/2018 11:55

Thank you for being a good friend card ?

babysharkah · 13/12/2018 11:55

Thinking about this more, it irritates me. We are RC, my kids make cards and decorations at school for Dwali, Hannukah etc its not a bloody insult it's sharing tradition and being inclusive. One of my kids favourite gods is Ganesh because they learnt a dance about Ganesh and got to light candles.

I'll get off my sopabox now.

Monkeynuts18 · 13/12/2018 11:56

I once watched a little girl handing out invites and Billy was beaming, waiting for his. And when he didn’t get one his face... just crumpled and his eyes filled with tears. I just wanted to pick him up and give him the biggest cuddle!

Oh god, the poor little thing.

Definitely agree with the suggestions of ‘happy holidays’ or ‘thank you for being my friend’ etc.

EduCated · 13/12/2018 11:57

I’d go for a totally non-season related ‘Thanks for being my friend’ card without an envelope as others have suggested, or just a random drawing.

I used to give my JW friend Happy New Year cards, but we were teens so no parents involved.

Refreeze · 13/12/2018 11:57

You need to ask his mum what she's ok with really if she didn't like the card with no mention of Christmas. Half of my family don't celebrate Christmas. If they're given a Christmas card, they say 'thanks'. Some of them have them on display and some of them don't but none of them would ever hand a Christmas card back because they recognise that it's a card of good wishes not an attempt to convert them.

Jux · 13/12/2018 11:58

I thnk the child's jo is more in being included and given a card along th everyone else. When his mum takes it fom him and gives it back to you that doesn't change tha he has been included.

You could also make a special card for him which can then be given after thefst card has been returned to you - the awesome friend one woud be great.

Hedgehoginthefog · 13/12/2018 11:59

Why is it he doesn't celebrate Christmas? I think this is quite an important detail in knowing how to handle it.

This. If they are JW then they may reject any type of card. Another religion may be okay with another type of card.

Jux · 13/12/2018 11:59

...child's joy... I meant (keyboard is rubbish on MN)

SleepyPaws · 13/12/2018 12:03

Agree with the thank you for being my friend card idea. I think I may do this this year. There is a boy in my child's class who doesn't celebrate Christmas for religious reason. He always accepts Christmas cards and sends a thank you card in response instead of a Christmas one.

OutPinked · 13/12/2018 12:06

I had a JW friend in primary school. She wasn’t allowed to accept anything for Christmas and used to have to apologise to anyone who tried to give her a card. She equally wasn’t allowed to celebrate her birthday and had to leave school assemblies as soon as any hymn or prayer was about to arise. Wretched.

Anyway I’d agree with others about a non Christmas based card but I think the Mum may take a dim view if they are JW. She’s told you not to and you still are rebelling, just not with an actual christmas card.

WiddlinDiddlin · 13/12/2018 12:07

I think, not a card in an envelope, just a single card (not folded) with a nice picture 'thankyou for being my friend this year, see you next year' type thing.

Then its evidently NOT a christmas card at all and there can be no mistake but Billy gets something nice.

Dinosaursdontgrowontrees · 13/12/2018 12:08

A ‘thankyou for being my friend’ card is a lovely idea I would def do that!