To exclude one child (out of 21)? Christmas cards at nursery

[QwertyLou]

To be clear, I don’t want to leave this little lad out (nor does DS - they’re good mates) but we have to, due to his parents’ request.

So it’s more of a “how do I handle this?”

I wasn’t going to worry about Christmas cards this year (we did them last year - one for each child in his room).

But today I ended up cutting up cardboard, setting up paints, stamps etc and helped him make cards... He’s been home sick - quite lethargic, but well enough to need occupying.

We now have 21 Christmas cards, lovingly handcrafted and ready to go!

Only now do I remember about this little lad. And wish I thought of something else to keep DS occupied!

Last year, DS loved handing out the cards and the kids were excited to get them. After they all ran off, one of the Mums said “Sorry - we don’t celebrate Christmas” and handed her son’s card back to me (very politely and privately).

I think I said “Oh sorry!” or something inane, and tucked the card into my handbag. It was slightly awkward but all very polite, I soon forgot all about it.

Anyway - a year later, I’ve used it as a teaching moment and explained to my son about different religions and customs.

(my Mum did the same for me, I’d chosen the “Hail Mary” and she said matter-of-factly “oh some of the girls are Protestant and they don’t pray to Mary, choose another prayer!”

My son is fine with the religion discussion but says “Billy” “will be sad if I give a card to everyone but not to him!”

If Billy was a confident, bolshie little boy it would be easier. But he seems a very sensitive little soul. He was overjoyed to be invited to my son’s birthday party because he doesn’t tend to get invited to things often.

I once watched a little girl handing out invites and Billy was beaming, waiting for his. And when he didn’t get one his face... just crumpled and his eyes filled with tears. I just wanted to pick him up and give him the biggest cuddle!

TL;DR - how should my son hand out 20 cards without being mean to the one child he can not give one to?

Are there any non-Christmas celebrators who would be comfortable saying what you would want done?

PS. If I’d remembered earlier, I would have got him to make cards for people outside nursery.

PPS. They don’t have book bags.

A “thank you for being my friend” is better than a Christmas card and now the other children will get jealous 😂

We don't celebrate Christmas but would graciously accept a Christmas card in the spirit in which it was given. It's quite extreme to refuse to accept it. What's the background to it? Would a 'happy holidays' card be ok?

@Mollypolly123 I don’t think anyone is having a go at JWs as a group. Some people related negative experiences they (or someone they know) had while being raised JW. Which is fair enough.

I was raised Catholic and overall had a great experience, and more recently have felt utterly embraced and loved when I became (oops!) an unmarried mother.

However, I’m aware that others have had horrific experiences in the Catholic Church and sadly not experienced the support they deserved.

"Hey! Stop you ones that are having a go at JWS, put the boot on the other foot !, they would rather not start telling lies to their kids as soon as their born, about father xmas, or Jesus birthday,"
Happy to tell them other lies though.

They search for the real truth, not made up doctrines and traditions, and in their personal lives they sometimes make mistakes as everyone else does on the planet at moment

For any exJWs on here, can I recommend the 'John Ceders' channel on youtube if you have not already found it.

He does some fabulous reviews of JWTV.

Their search for truth wouldn't stand up in any court. It is like they are the jury and the prosecution barrister doesn't allow the defence to speak. Instead he presents his argument and the jury must fall in line or be held in contempt. That's not searching for truth, if it was you'd be allowed to listen to other arguments, to read the Bible for yourself and pray for yourself without the Watchtower publications, interpretations and threats. But then by their own definition the Bible is really only 100% applicable to the anointed class is it not? So when Jesus instructed people to take the last supper in remembrance of Him that isn't for the majority of mankind. No instead the majority of JWs attending memorial are literally thumbing their noses at the Saviour's sacrifice and command.

And for anyone really interested in knowing the truth visit JW.ORG

They do search the Bible themselves, extensive research goes into an individual becoming baptised as they do not want to be lied to, historically and archeology all come into it, and you all so have to remember that not every TV or book, offers truth but theories so you really have to dig deep

The background - I really don’t know. A friend thinks they are Witnesses (she was raised JW herself) but mom neither affirmed or denied when asked.

To be fair also - Mom didn’t dramatically remove the card from her son or anything. Given her (apparent) beliefs, she was quite polite, I’ve just not come across it before!

My sister compared it to being a vegetarian (which she is). If offered meat, she will politely say “no thanks” - she could not in good conscience accept the meat and bin it later, even to save the meat-giver’s feelings.

I understand that you feel a bit mean leaving the child out - DS2's classmate is a Jehovah's Witness so doesn't accept cards. I know that the child seems perfectly accepting of this and happy with it, but I still felt a bit mean when we wrote out all the cards from the class list last week! But the parents have specifically asked for no cards so IMO it is more inclusive and respectful to honour this than to try and circumvent it somehow.

wol.jw.org/en/wol/d/r1/lp-e/1981127

@mollypolly123 - as most old light has been removed from WOL I believe you're comment is an obfuscation of the truth of what the organisation really teaches.

We had to put on role plays on the stage at the local Kingdom Hall to show how to deal with exactly these situations and how they could be used as an opportunity to Witness. Stories would be shared of how DC had rejected/destroyed cards and presents.

This explains why, when I was eight, my classmate ripped up the Christmas card I gave her, spat on it and threw it in the bin. At the time I was really upset at her rudeness and didn't understand at all why she would do this. I'd had no idea that JW don't accept cards, I certainly wasn't trying to offend. I got upset and she kept shouting that cards were evil. IIRC her mother was spoken to at hometime about it. Now I can understand that she was just repeating what she'd been taught at home/kingdom hall and she felt she must behave like this for the sake of her soul, so I have a bit more sympathy for the poor girl.

Taking your sister's comparison one stage further. For some JWs accepting something given at Christmas time , however non-christmas the thing is, would be like a vegetarian being asked to accept vegetarian food that was on a plate with meat products or served with spoon that had served meat. It would feel 'contaminated'.

A card or picture given at a different time doesn't risk that sense of contamination.

Of course each JW family will have their own level of strictness just as vegetarians do. But without knowing it is best to avoid offence if you care about "Billy"

@Roomba how old is your DS2 (if you don’t mind sharing)? Both my DS and this little lad are just turned 4.

Maybe it’s a passing phase but 4 year olds seem to hate missing out.. on anything!

Eg, I read DS a kids’ book on adoption (a friend is adopting). He was most intrigued about “birth moms” and asked when he could meet his birth mom!

I explained that I am his birth mom! And he was most put out - he only has one mom when some kids get two!

Thanks @Molakai and I wish I knew how to copy and paste on my phone as your earlier posts, and other people’s, were very helpful. Thank you.

I like the idea of giving a card at another time. But our school year ends shortly (not UK) and I’m not sure Billy will be back next year (a few kids won’t be).

So if DS was going to give a card / drawing / cartoon / chocolate coin / Hey Duggee something / anything its probably now or never.

Tbh I hadn’t planned to give anything, for the reasons you and others identify. I was more just looking for the best, non-hurtful way to hand out the other 20 (although maybe there isn’t one).

This thread has made me reconsider, especially posts from once JW children who would have loved something.

On the other hand if he is not returning, maybe DS holds his cards over and gives them out in January.

Billy has been sad past mornings when other kids hand out cards (he is a young 4). He hasn’t given up, he always waits hopefully for one so he hasn’t yet grasped his family’s beliefs.

He just seems sad and utterly bewildered by it all, I know they’re just bits of cardboard but 4yos just seem to want what others have.

So maybe we don’t compound that by his “best friend in the whole world” giving a card to everyone but him, he’s been attached to DS like velcro since the birthday party so he’d be following him around while DS tracked down 20 kids.

@Roomba that would have been very upsetting for an 8yo!

@Qwerty it is really clear you are very sensitive to Billy's situation. It is a real shame that the nursery allow direct handing out of cards.

Is it possible to ask Billy's mum if Billy will be coming back next term? If she says no, could you ask if your DS could give him a goodbye card?

Anyway, good luck

This explains why, when I was eight, my classmate ripped up the Christmas card I gave her, spat on it and threw it in the bin.

That's shocking 😲 You think her parents would've told her to bring it home and do the ripping & spitting there!

When my DD was at primary, she had a JW friend but we didn't even realise till we saw her brother come to the door with The Watchtower. I suppose they were less strict/more tolerant than others 🤔

When I look at the many prophecies that have come true and we are on the verge of the last remaining, when you see the good news is only being preached throughout the earth by one group that are dedicated and organised for the purpose, a people that offer their time willingly , when no one is asked to pay for anything, it's all voluntary, when you see the amazing organisation that has come about, within are all races, personality's, that only have come together because they follow the creator of this planets direction, so that his will and not man's will be done on earth! Finally we will have peace, people with a humble heart will recognise this, ( I see no other religion or man made government that can offer this , )

Mollypolly if that is what you honestly feel then good for you, but many of us on this thread do not share your positive experiences.

As I said upthread I lost a mass of respect for my own mother (a JW for almost 30 years) when she refused to console her former friend over the loss of her son because she had been disfellowshipped; her threats not to come to my wedding if I dared to marry in a church (I did and she sucked it up and came).

I’ve also lost respect for her because, despite being fully able, she has refused to work for the last 15 years so that she can spend all her time knocking on doors, leaving herself and my father to live on benefits (he is disabled and despite looking for work has not found any) instead of enjoying a better standard of living.

“The End” was supposedly nigh back in 1914 - still waiting on that one.

Hey! Stop you ones that are having a go at JWS, put the boot on the other foot !, they would rather not start telling lies to their kids as soon as their born, about father xmas, or Jesus birthday, they have parties and presents and cards at other times of year when they choose to and can afford it !

Excluding a child from birthdays has nothing do to with "not telling lies" it is just cruel.

And there's plenty of atheists who don't tell their children that all those Christmas stories are real, and still let the children have Christmas cards and Christmas trees and Christmas cookies.

Handing back a card that just has a snowman and a neutral "Seasonal Greetings" or whatever on it, isn't being religious, it's just being rude.
(Teaching your child to rip cards up and spit on them is even more rude.)

I am quite confident that it says nowhere in the Bible that one must not accept cards for any reasons whatsoever. I am so sure about that because I am pretty sure they didn't even have cards back then!

I do understand what you are saying, but if your following Gods direction, you would distance yourself from falseness of any form, so no the Bible does not say "do not accept a card ", but what it does say is not to follow a fictional theme, (I could relate scripture to you , but not sure if you would want that,?) And yes if the mother truly taught her child to spit and be rude, that is out of order, if indeed that is really true?, as witnesses try their best to be polite and understanding at all times, but as said before, people can at times make mistakes in their lives, JWS love their children as much as anyone else, and truly believe the future promises that the word of God speaks of far out weigh any promises that man and its governments can make at present,

Ahh so sorry that has happened to you, have you ever really been able to talk to your mum? I'm sure if she could explain ?