To exclude one child (out of 21)? Christmas cards at nursery

[QwertyLou]

To be clear, I don’t want to leave this little lad out (nor does DS - they’re good mates) but we have to, due to his parents’ request.

So it’s more of a “how do I handle this?”

I wasn’t going to worry about Christmas cards this year (we did them last year - one for each child in his room).

But today I ended up cutting up cardboard, setting up paints, stamps etc and helped him make cards... He’s been home sick - quite lethargic, but well enough to need occupying.

We now have 21 Christmas cards, lovingly handcrafted and ready to go!

Only now do I remember about this little lad. And wish I thought of something else to keep DS occupied!

Last year, DS loved handing out the cards and the kids were excited to get them. After they all ran off, one of the Mums said “Sorry - we don’t celebrate Christmas” and handed her son’s card back to me (very politely and privately).

I think I said “Oh sorry!” or something inane, and tucked the card into my handbag. It was slightly awkward but all very polite, I soon forgot all about it.

Anyway - a year later, I’ve used it as a teaching moment and explained to my son about different religions and customs.

(my Mum did the same for me, I’d chosen the “Hail Mary” and she said matter-of-factly “oh some of the girls are Protestant and they don’t pray to Mary, choose another prayer!”

My son is fine with the religion discussion but says “Billy” “will be sad if I give a card to everyone but not to him!”

If Billy was a confident, bolshie little boy it would be easier. But he seems a very sensitive little soul. He was overjoyed to be invited to my son’s birthday party because he doesn’t tend to get invited to things often.

I once watched a little girl handing out invites and Billy was beaming, waiting for his. And when he didn’t get one his face... just crumpled and his eyes filled with tears. I just wanted to pick him up and give him the biggest cuddle!

TL;DR - how should my son hand out 20 cards without being mean to the one child he can not give one to?

Are there any non-Christmas celebrators who would be comfortable saying what you would want done?

PS. If I’d remembered earlier, I would have got him to make cards for people outside nursery.

PPS. They don’t have book bags.

I used to work with a girl who belonged to 'Exclusive Brethren' when I gave her a Christmas card she accepted the card and very politely told me that she didn't celebrate Christmas so hoped I wouldn't be upset if she didn't recipricate. I apologised if I had offended her and she said she wasn't. I also worked with a father and daughter who belonged to Plymouth Brethren -we were working as carers so definitely not bothered about physical contact as they did personal care!
You may not want to single out 'Billy' but he is probably used to it, or will have to get use to it and it is down to his family to explain why. So as kind hearted as you are I think you may just have to accept the situation.

@bertrandrussell if you’re anti-religionist you’re not equal opportunities then are you?

Moronsandneurons-my commas were very meticulously placed.

I always loved the saying ‘there are over 4,000 religions celebrated on this planet but yours is definitely the real one.’

I would steer clear of a card too, it seems a bit too obviously a substitute Christmas card. Just a picture (non Christmassy) or little cartoon hand drawn by your son snd put in an envelope to be given out at the same time would stop him feeling left out.

I despise the JW religion. Watching a family member be shunned at their parent's funeral - as in the entire group of them physically turned their backs - was infuriating and heartbreaking in equal measure.

Me, too, I'm afraid, in my case specifically because of their stance on blood transfusions. If they refuse one for themselves that's their choice, but they make that choice for their children or try to.

And yes, I also hate the way they turn their backs on those who make the decision to leave their faith. You're therefore not allowed to love your DC unconditionally. As a Christian, I would obviously love my DDs to follow my faith, but it's their decision absolutely and I wouldn't ever turn my back on them if they chose not to do that.

@Helendee

Yes I’m a practising Christian and think all religions need to tolerate each other, devout or otherwise.

Well put, that's what I feel too. (I wouldn't insult JWs to their face honestly. )

A handwritten invite for a play date solves the problem.

As a JW and a LO, i would be more than happy to get a normal little card saying have a good half term and ill see you next year. Just explain that you didnt want to leave him out so bought him a normal card especially. However saying that if my LO was handed a card because they didnt realise, id let them keep it just not put it up.. thats me however

Just say happy winter festival on his!!

Birdsgottafly. I was amused to see that you thought that Diwali was a godless celebration then I realised that Christmas would appear to have nothing to do with religion to an outsider observing today's version.
(Read up on Krishna, Rama and Lakshmi etc.)

Esspee, I don't need to, I've got best friends that are Sikh.

I've studied various religions and philosophies.

Like the Winter Festival/Christmas whatever you want to call it, you can take part in Diwali without it comprisesing any beliefs, because you can take the bits you want and ignore the rest.

A card with the word Christmas, on it, is a bit different.

"then I realised that Christmas would appear to have nothing to do with religion to an outsider observing today's version."

It's the other way round.

It was a Winter Festival, then it got invaded by the God Squad.

Not read the thread but you could do a personalised invitation to dinner one day after school? That way he gets something that looks similar and he won't get left out plus it encourages a lovely friendship. 👍🏻

'Happy midwinter and may your family holidays be peaceful and restful'.
I would quietly say to the mother that you took on board what she told you last year and thank her for it because you have been able to discuss different beliefs with your son.
However, your son cares for her son and wanted to make him a special winter card SO THAT HE DOESN'T ALWAYS HAVE TO BE LEFT OUT. He put a lot of thought and time in to it.
It never fails to surprise me that parents expect their children to share their beliefs. Children would have to be at least 10, no to have a real grasp of this. I am in no way religious, I'm not an atheist though, I have my own personal beliefs. If my children want to go to a church service then it's up to them, if they don't, their choice. I am bringing them up as their own person and hopefully open minded so yes, I feel very sorry and sad for this poor boy.

Well as a JW, my youngest Ds has received lots of cards this week. He has enjoyed opening them all, then I just recycle them. Some people have asked if I would be offended to recieve one, I always say no as I understand that they would feel bad to leave someone out. I wouldn't return a card personally.
I was raised JW and received cards sometimes, it really wasn't an issue. If people change it to 'happy winter' or something similar I'd think it very sweet and considerate.
There's quite a lot of misinformation in some of the posts on here, but it seems like some have maybe had some odd experiences that have been nothing like I have ever encountered. We are all quite normal really!!

onegiftedgal so what you think / believe about what is best for this boy is more important than what his mother thinks/believes?

I wonder how you would react if a random parent at nursery undermined your parenting?

Love @neverunderfed’s idea. Happy school holiday/thanks for being my friend. Sorted xx

Noticed someone saying about thank you for being my friend and i was going to suggest a friendship card everytime a holiday came around xx.

I worked with a JW. She ostentatiously didn't celebrate Christmas, but pulled rank to have it as time off "because it's a holiday". This was in a set up where having time off then was severely rationed because we had to be fully staffed to be open for the public. Sorry, I'm possibly digressing.

Just don't do him an xmas card he's probay celebrating Eid or Divali earlier in the year anyway or some such thing (I am guessing/presuming) so has probably got spoilt then earlier in the year or if he's a Jehovah's witness i don't think they celebrate birthdays but i dunno about xmas.

Make a "you are a great friend" card.

You're a kind mother. You made me happy to read about your sensitivity towards another boy. Merry Christmas

If she was deliberately isolating her child from common interactions with other children at school, etc, and didn't have "God makes me do it" as an excuse, there'd be cause to consider it abusive.
But (some specific) religions get a get-out-of-jail-free on this
So true.
The sooner religion looses its protected status, the better
Its protected status allows it to get away with so much hate and discrimination. Not to mention the secrecy and protection allows abuse to occur, then protects the abuser
Its sick and twisted

Christmas is supposed to be about giving. If one person celebrates a religious festival by giving, the surely the receiver would be disrespectful to refuse their gift, albeit a piece if cardboard with the name of their festival on it? Its called tolerance.
I am not a Christian but I do not refuse cards mentioning Christmas as it is what the giver believes in and I respect that.
I agree with the other posters, a card with happy New year, thanks for being my friend, happy holiday, yule or whatever is a great idea.

I think get your DS to draw a picture of him and Billy, and give that to him instead. Billy will like that if he views your DS as his best friend and with no envelope or written message, the mum can't associate it to Xmas.

Hey! Stop you ones that are having a go at JWS, put the boot on the other foot !, they would rather not start telling lies to their kids as soon as their born, about father xmas, or Jesus birthday, they have parties and presents and cards at other times of year when they choose to and can afford it !