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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to still be annoyed at MIL

175 replies

PitteryPotteryRockingHorse · 13/12/2018 07:18

I’m a regular user on here but have nc for this as could be quite outing.

I’m on maternity leave and have been undertaking my kit days over the last couple of months. Each day I’ve gone in my sister has been watching my dd for me but wasn’t able to on one of the days so I asked my mil who seemed happy to help.

When I saw her about a week before the kit day she mentioned to me that fil had booked a days annual leave so he could spend the day with them. I thought that was nice.

Night before kit day, I messaged mil to check everything was still ok. She replied, yep no problem.

Me and my DH work together so we went together to drop dd to his parents. We got stuck in traffic so ended up being a bit late so when we got to the house he took DD to fil and sorted out car seat etc. I went to mil to go through food and milk. It was all a bit rushed but before I’d even got in the house, and before mil had even said hello she’d asked how we’d got on at slimming world, as we’d joined the week before (the reason I’m mentioning this is to show she had time to ask, it wasn’t that rushed)

As me and DH drove off to work, he asked me if I knew his sister was watching dd for a bit that day. I didn’t have a clue. Apparently his parents had to go to the hospital for an appointment and didn’t want to take her. (I’ve later found out it was a physio appointment for one of them)

I was absolutely livid about not being told/asked about this and told my DH so but there was nothing we could do as we were both already late for work.

DH managed to leave work a little early and spoke to his parents in a very soft way to say can you let us know next time. His dad replied to say he did. Yeah when it was far too late to do anything about it.

This is now weeks ago and I just can’t shake how annoyed I am. So please tell me aibu or would you be upset too?

There is a back story which would explain further why I’m annoyed but given my in laws don’t know, I would like your opinion based on what they do know.

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 13/12/2018 07:27

They asked their DD your Dhs sister to look after your little one for an hour whilst they went to an hospital appointment. On the face of it that seems ok. It is the childs aunt. If there is a back story as to why she cant look after baby maybe you should be telling them as she could be at there house other times when LP is there

WhatsUpHun · 13/12/2018 07:29

Without the back story it's impossible to agree that YWNBU

WhatsUpHun · 13/12/2018 07:31

They don't know either??
Then why shouldn't their child, dh sister, and your dc aunt look after dc?

icelollycraving · 13/12/2018 07:31

Unless his sister is utterly unsuitable to babysit her niece for an hour, you need to move on!
It’s ok for your sister but not your husband’s?

Nenic · 13/12/2018 07:32

Yabu

BarbarianMum · 13/12/2018 07:33

I can see why it makes you uneasy but I think they were trying hard not to let you down (and its not like you can just cancel a hospital appointment and rebook for the next week). I think they were also being sensible not to try and take the baby to the hospital with them.

Based on this incident in isolation I think you should move on.

Shoxfordian · 13/12/2018 07:33

Yeah without any other context, you do seem unreasonable

Sunnysidegold · 13/12/2018 07:36

I think the back story might be relevant.

LittleGreenStar · 13/12/2018 07:38

I'd be annoyed too. If I agree with a person that they're going to look after my child, I expect them to look after the child rather than get someone else to do it. I'd have expected them to check with you ahead of time that it was ok. When you say your DH knew thigh, had FIL told him that morning when you dropped her off, or beforehand?

sweeneytoddsrazor · 13/12/2018 07:38

But if the inlaws arent aware of the back story it cant be relevant because their decision hasnt been made in light of it.

Secretsquirrel101 · 13/12/2018 07:41

This just sounds like such a massive overreaction, I’m not quite sure where to start. I guess there’s a backstory?

diymania · 13/12/2018 07:43

I would want to know who was looking after my baby beforehand. I don’t think they should’ve ‘outsourced’ without your permission (although if your SIL looked after your DD lots and was familiar with her and her routines I’d be more relaxed). I would be cross too but your DH has made the point to the ILs so probably best to drop it.

Ringbinger · 13/12/2018 07:44

YANBU. They should have informed you in advance that their daughter was going to look after your DD for a bit - it’s a simple courtesy. Because ultimately it’s up to you and your DH who you leave your DD with and they effectively took this decision out of your hands and made it for you. Doesn’t matter that it’s a family member - the principle is the same.

Zoosie · 13/12/2018 07:47

YABVU

DSHathawayGivesMeFannyGallops · 13/12/2018 07:48

I'd be a bit annoyed, but over it by now on the facts in your OP. I can see why they perhaps wouldn't take the baby to hosp but I'd rather be in the re:SIL having the baby.

However, without the suspiciously relevant sounding backstory you've hinted at but not included, can't really tell, sorry!

Sexnotgender · 13/12/2018 07:51

Is his sister 12? Or a crack addict?

Some reason as to your ongoing rage might be helpful.

tillytrotter1 · 13/12/2018 07:53

The told 50% of her parents, their son, her father, why does not telling you personally matter? Is he less of a parent being male?

Sweepington · 13/12/2018 07:55

Do you not trust his sister?

Prestonsflowers · 13/12/2018 07:57

So you know the back story that about your SIL and your PIL don’t.
In that case yes Yabu.

Hofuckingho · 13/12/2018 08:04

This is a complete non issue! Get a grip OP.

billybagpuss · 13/12/2018 08:10

With what we have to go on there without the back story. YABU

if the back story is sis is a drug addict/alcoholic or worse then fully understand why you’d be annoyed.

HSarah · 13/12/2018 08:13

This totally depends on what your SIL is like and if you think your PIL were trying to keep it a secret from you or not.

ZeroFuchsGiven · 13/12/2018 08:14

Not something I could get my knickers in a twist about tbh.

NerrSnerr · 13/12/2018 08:15

They clearly told your husband so I don't see the problem.

Prettyvase · 13/12/2018 08:16

Wow you are so lucky in having several family members all willing to help you out so that your days at work can go swimmingly.

But you seem to take that for granted.

They probably thought it was doing you a favour.

If you are going to be upset about this I'd suggest you stop relying on free childcare as it might happen again and again and you won't know.