To feel that if you don’t work 9-5 and have no family to help you’re screwed for childcare once your DC start school.

[legoonthetable]

Most people accept that they take a huge financial hit in terms of childcare costs in the pre school years, but do so knowing that they keep their place in the career ladder and once DC are at school the child care would go down. I naively never considered that this wouldn’t be the case for us and am just feeling totally screwed by my lack of choices, despite a good well paid job. And I know I’m far from alone. I work shifts which include 8am starts, midnight finishes and nights. There is no flexibility with start times and I rarely leave on time. DH works 14 + hr days leaving at 7 and rarely home before 7 + logging on again form home. His company is not family friendly and atm moving jobs isn't an option. He has to be at his desk by 8am. School wrap around care is from 7.30am-6pm. Its simply not possible to drop DC at breakfast club and be at work by 8 and we often have an hour at the other end that we also often can’t cover. We had the same nanny for 6 years and agreed to keep her on once youngest DC started school mostly for continuity. She agreed to do a tiny amount of general housekeeping in the 6 hours a day she was child free. She refused to clean, which I didn’t think was unreasonable; she’s a nanny, not a cleaner. Without going into details it pretty quickly became clear that whilst she was absolutely brilliant for our pre school DC doing the school run and holiday childcare for older children wasn’t her thing. We made her redundant and we’ve been struggling along abusing using friends, neighbours, and random paid help(no family close enough to help regularly)since. I have a friend in a similar position (totally different field of work). She employs a nanny-housekeeper. And whilst she loves coming home to a tidy house and a cooked meal, she doesn’t think her employee is that great with her DC. And I’ve heard many others say you either have someone who keeps the house going or someone who is brilliant with DC but its rare to get one person who is brilliant at both. My choices now are either to employ a nanny- housekeeper and accept that most of my salary will essentially go towards paying someone to do very little for 6 hours a day while I work my bollocks off for the next 13 years or give up work…….because if the financial gain is minimal (despite doing a fulfilling job that I mostly enjoy)there really seems no point. I’m not expecting anyone to come up with some magical solution…..I think we’ve been through every possible option, I’d just like some solidarity with people in the same position.Tonight I'm really angry about it.

I’m a childminder and look after lots of children for wrap around care 🤷‍♀️

Do you have a spare room? I'd do after school clubs + au pair.

Nanny share?

And yes, lots of childminders will accommodate early starts and late finishes for shift workers.

Where in the country are you?

Honestly, this is why I don't work and haven't done so for years.

Count yourself lucky that you earn enough to be able to afford a nanny though. If I went back to work, I would be working at a loss during school holidays just to pay for a holiday club.

I'm waiting until my eldest is at secondary school and I just have one DC to organise childcare for!

You find jobs that fit better, or jobs that fit together better, or jobs closer so wrap around timings work.

But your choice isn't this job or no job is it? You could look for another role that has better hours.

Is an au pair an option?

Do what most do..one of you choses a job that suits family life better. In my sil and bil case its my bil who does the childcare. In my bil and sis its my dsis

once the children are older, you can start thinking about au-pair. It's easier on the kids if they can spend a bit longer in their own home too.

I don't really understand why you seem so surprised. It's a given that the baby years with nurseries are the easiest in term of childcare. They are open pretty much all year round, apart from a few days at Christmas and for longer hours. It gets painful and more difficult when they start school!

Then it's a choice, if you want to drag the kids first thing to a childminder then to a club. It's a long day for them, not really fair.

Why not find a childminder who can do the hours you need? Our childminder even does overnight care and school drop off / collection. Some of the kids have got parents who are police / nurses and they often do crazy hours. Although it’s not easy, there are lots of single parents who do shift work and manage to make it work. For what it’s worth our DD loves going to the childminder, she loves playing with her friends and enjoys the facilities and frequent snacks.

Honestly, I would suggest that at least one of you needs a more family friendly job.

That said, we have a childminder that will do 7.30 to 6.30, but I doubt she'd do every day.

Well you either employ a nanny if your working that many hours or one of parents takes a career hit and moves to something with better hours.

It's your jobs that are the problem, not your childcare. You and your husband are giving everything to your jobs.

Get a childminder for wrap around care. Take time off separately in the school holidays and beg borrow or steal favours from relatives /friends for the bits of holidays you can't cover.
Get a cleaner. Batch cook food you can heat up quickly on weekdays.
That's what we did.

One of the people I worked with 20 years ago had a childminder who would do early and/or late and even overnight for a single mum that worked for me. She was apparently fabulous. They do exist but I believe are well kept secrets.
Another lady I know shared next door's nanny for the school runs & pre/post school bit.
I also see lots of adverts for housekeeper/nanny jobs.

I live in a small town and holiday childcare is none existent.

I work shifts like you but on minimum wage.

I have just recently split from my DP and for a few reasons i cant let him look after our dc. I have been really struggling and lost a lot of hours at work and had to ask friends for a lot of favours.
I've no idea how I'll manage going forward.

Most of the jobs here are in shops and cafes and require out of school hours weekends.

I see lots of Grandmas, Aunties etc doing school runs and I have no one. It's a nightmare.

1 person needs to have flexibility in their job, it’s impossible without that. It’s not only working hours, it’s sickness, holiday cover, onset days, am school assemblies etc etc.

When we both worked and had no family help we used a CM but i also had lots of flexibility at work.

We've recently relocated and top priority was buying a house cheap so that only one of us has to work.

It's meant a longer commute than we wanted but I'm not sure how else we'd balance it and I agree with pp it's unfair on dc for such long days out of the house.

You must earn a fortune!! Presumably your Dh is very highly paid for his 12 hour job, then logging on later?
So you can afford expensive childcare?
You need it because you too have non standard hours.
can't both work non standard hours/ long hours.
If you do, it's tough. But this is your choice.

You don't hqve to give up work, juwt get a different job with better shift pattern.

Childminder?! Ours is open 7.30am until 6pm but I do know of others who do later, nights and weekends. Plus you only pay for the hours you use.

I think what makes it harder in your situation is everyone is working very long days and shifts. With DH and I, it has been easier to have one doing the long, crazy hours and having the other working a more child care friendly routine.

When we had DS1, I was working shifts while DH did 7-5 weekdays. Then after having DS2 I had change jobs because my role was made redundant. I went into working part time evenings around DH's day shifts. Now DC are 3&5 and in school, I've found the holy grail of jobs working Monday to Friday flexi time, ten minutes from home. We drop the boys off at school, and use a childminder for the wrap around. DH is now the one working shifts, on call and overtime. DH is the one with better long term employment prospects with his employer at the moment, so it makes more sense for him to do this!

Get an au pair. We've had various au pairs over the years - it's pot luck if they're good or not but definitely worth doing and excellent if you don't work standard hours.

You get an au pair. It’s really not that hard.

And one of you starts to look for a more family friendly role.