To ask if you taught your children never to hit back in the playground?

[Toomanycookies]

Curious really.
I've always taught mine to not hit back but the ones do hit back seem to be left alone afterwards and this like mine seem to face problems throughout .

I tell mine to always hit back and hit them harder then they hit you

People will probably not like what we did but fortunately it only happened once.
At primary one kid who was going through a lot of issues started to pick on DS and tried yo get others to join in. It started with a shoulder push as they passed each other, then things like flicking Ds with a ruler, all small time stuff but escalating. DS got hit a couple of times. I told DS first hit, tell the teachet. If it happens again, tell the teacher and make sure a friend sees you tell. If it happens a third time hit him back hard. Controversial maybe. That's excatly what happened. We got called in and I just asked what they dud to stop my lad being used as a punch bag. The biys were about 8 at the time (yr3) Funny, they are 22 now and have a pint together, play in the same hockey team, go out as a group so no issues and the incident has long been forgotten.

You let them punch or kick you as often as they like, or you run away, you don't have any evidence to show the teacher, and they never stop. You'll get the same tomorrow. And the day after. And the day after. And the day after that. You start having anxiety and confidence issues which can spiral into mental health problems, no social life, and any number of other effects potentially culminating in suicide.

You tell your kids to be beaten up so they have evidence? That’s totally illogical. The solution is not ‘put up with it until suicide’ it’s ‘try anything other than more violence’.

My dh and I have always disagreed on this. Now in Y2 I have to admit that I have adopted his (hit back harder) approach. And ds is doing boxing twice a week too. He has never been in trouble for fighting but funnily enough the little shit that used to kick him in reception doesn’t bother him anymore

They don't necessarily need to actually hit in order to stand their ground. DS (now an adult) was always tiny as a child. At one point he was a pupil at the school where I teach. I remember on one occasion DH dropping him at school (when I was there in an official capacity as a teacher, not a parent) and a much larger pain in the arse boy elbowed him out of the line and took his place. DS squared up to him and took his place back possibly elbowing him back. I looked the other way. DH told DS he was proud of him and next time to elbow him harder!
DS was never bullied, despite his size.

I told them all not to hit back, worked mostly except with a particular boy and my ds2. He'd hit him several times and we'd tried speaking to the teacher, etc until the boy pushed him so hard onto the floor he was taken to hospital.

Dh (looks large and scary) went up to the boys dad and spoke to him calmly about it. The boys dad started laughing and tried to brush it off. So DH told him that if his ds did anything to him again, he'd do it to the dad. Never again has that boy touched him and he's now known for hitting and fighting lots of children. Some children either don't learn or their families are incapable of making them understand.

Mine were always taught to stand up for themselves.
DC2 would have never have hit back anyway, just cried to the teachers.
DD1 was always at the ready for a scrap, and ended up jumping ontop of a boy who'd pushed her during one memorable Christmas concert.
Going to karate helped them both, in different ways obviously.

My mum and older brother told me I SHOULD hit back, but it just wasn't in me.

Unfortunately, the bullying I suffered was emotional rather than physical. "Telling the teacher" did fuck all.

Hit back every time. And hit back harder. I have also said I will pretend to be cross in front of the teacher but I won't actually be cross and they will not be in trouble with me at home . As per a pp i also wouldn't be above threatening a parent.

The first time go to the teacher. If they do it again then they can hit back. But not someone younger or a female. But they have to accept they have broken school rules and will get punished.
They don't though. I've had to go into school to see teachers stop bullying, but they don't stand up for themselves. I was bullied a lot and I want my dcs to stand up for themselves. But I am aware that I was raised by a violent mother and probably have a skewed view of what is okay.

Always defend yourself. Don't hit first, but if you are hit, hit back.

I was always taught that. A girl tried to bully me at high school, then took the verbal assault to physical. I smacked her back and she left me alone after that

Yes. However he has recently as the bullying had got to a stage that he clearly couldn’t cope with. I told him I wasn’t impressed but am started to regret that. As the have since left him alone, whereas it was constant previously.

My DD has autism and seems to be a target for bullies sometimes. She has no speech and some teachers in the past have acted as if she deserves to be picked on for being different. When she’s told me stuff using sign and I’ve reported it, incidents have almost been shrugged off in a what did you expect kind of way.

Since my DD was pulled from a bike by a boy 3 years older than her and hit and kicked so much she needed to come home from school I’ve always taught her if someone hits her, hit them back.
I also had an incident a few weeks ago where I was called in because my dd 4 had an altercation with an 8 year old boy and made him cry.
When we got to the bottom of the story he had pushed my dd1 (7) (with autism) over for no reason, she was sat playing alone he went straight over to her laughed at her for stimming - she flaps her hands when happy and pushed her over cutting her knee, dd (4) had seen this unfold, completely lost her shit ran over to him and punched him, and called him a few mean things and then pushed him over and he fell.

School tried to tell me dd (4) needed to go on a behaviour report without mentioning anything about the older boy. I told them fine provided he was on report too, they suddenly changed their minds. (Did I mention the boy was the main PTA ladies son )
I also told school she would be getting treated at home not punished because I was appalled my 4 year old had been put in a position where she felt she had to physically defend her sister to a boy more than twice her size due to lack of supervision in the playground.

I treated dd4 to ice cream out that night I was so proud of her sticking up for her sister against someone twice her size.

I have always taught my children boys and girls. That no one has the right to touch you, nor do they have the right to intimidate you. You dont have to take a hit(beating). If you can walk away before escalation, or even after a hit then go see out an adult. But if you feel at that point you need to hit back then go ahead, you wont be in trouble with us. But i dont want them to hit first ever. This has been consistant from an early age. No major bullying or fights so far

Now I’m a parent I would allow my DC to hit back as, like you OP, I see the children who hit back don’t get bothered again. Sad but true.

I was always taught don't hit first but hit back harder. I tell my kids the same

I have 4 children, the first two I taught to never hit back and tell a teacher and walk away etc etc they both got badly bullied at high school and by then it was too late they were scared to hit back.

I've changed my way with the other two and they have both been taught from age 5/6 that if someone hits they hit back harder. They sometimes say they might get told off but I always say I will come and speak to the teacher and put them straight as I WILL not have another child unable to defend them self as they have never had to.

As it happens my you get two are a lot more confident and when I regularly ask them what they would do in different bully scenarios they know exactly what they should do. I can see the difference already.

It's just the way things are now.

I always tell little ones not to hit back but to stand their ground, look the attacker straight in the eyes, shout ‘NO!’ And block any violence with their arm. Keep shouting ‘NO!’ And keep using their arms to block.

I believe in not hitting back.

But in practice, both ds's were very confident naturally and have ended up being the ones that hit back at the bully when one of their closest friends had been long term bullied.
Which also sits right with me, as the correct thing to do.

Never hit back, or give a big reaction. Doesn't make it any better, and tends to lead to more 'drama' or tension.

Dear god CountFosco are you saying rape victims shouldn’t fight back or they’ll be killed? I hope you don’t have daughters.

Imissgmichael - I’d rather be killed than raped I really would and I’d be telling any atracker that

I most definitely wouldn’t rather be killed than raped. Are you serious when you say that? I’ve been sexually assaulted, luckily I called out and someone came to my rescue or I probably would have been raped.

I honestly cannot imagine I’d recover or have any sort of life afterwards so I’d be shouting very loudly if you’re going to try and rape me you’d better be willing to go the whole hog because I’m less scared of dying

Mine got battered on a daily basis, I had to teach him to fight, it stopped immediately afterwards.