To ask if you taught your children never to hit back in the playground?

[Toomanycookies]

Curious really.
I've always taught mine to not hit back but the ones do hit back seem to be left alone afterwards and this like mine seem to face problems throughout .

I told my children to tell the teacher first time but if hit by same child again to hit back if they felt confident enough to do so.
I was bullied at school for years until I hit back and it stopped.

I tell my daughters they have the right to defend themselves.
Avoid, hit back harder if you can’t avoid, and tell the teacher.

I was horribly bullied one year and the teachers did nothing. My mom told me to hit back and I broke the little prick’s nose. That calmed him down.

Sometimes it's just the thing the kids need to do.

5fivestar I'm not making excuses, I fundamentally disagree that responding to violence with violence is the correct way to go. We should be teaching all our kids self control and empathy, not how to break fingers FFS. Because your child who has been taught to respond to violence with violence could just as easily use those tools to become the bully themselves. You are perpetuating the problem not solving it.

CountFosco - my children don’t get battered or batter people so I don’t care tbh

I was very badly bullied and was taught to ignore and walk away. Now when it comes to my son i intend to teach him to shout 'leave me alone' or 'don't hit me'.if that doesn't work he has my blessing to hit back. I want him to have the confidence to defend himself and to know that i will always support him in defending himself. Its working so far, he hasn't hit anyone yet

Another one who started off with best intentions however i now tell my DS he can push/hit back if he’s approached that way by other kids.
DH was bullied and beaten up at school- untill the day he stood up and hit back. There is a fine balance between being kind but defending yourself if necessary. I think kids need to know it’s ok to defend themselves, the danger otherwise is they might be treated like doormats. It’s ok to stand up for yourself.

Yes I would have no problem in telling my dc to hit back against physical bullying.

But Dd wasn’t physically bullied. It was insidious under the radar nastiness from teenage girls which happened every day and ground her down. And the school weren’t particularly interested. Schools talk the talk on bullying but they don’t really do much, especially at secondary school.

Nope.

After having my daughter’s primary school pretty much ignore her getting bullied by some other children and school and it escalating to them physically pushing her around I changed my advice to her. I used to tell her not to hit back and tell the teacher. Now I tell her but back harder and then tell the teacher. I’ve told her she might get in trouble for hitting back, but that the nastiness will probably stop and guess what it did stop.

Ugh autocorrect
Ignored her getting bullied
at school
hit back harder

My DM always told me to hit back harder. I will tell my DD the same. Never got someone unless they hit you first.

‘Hit’ not ‘got’

We do tell our eldest to hit back but only if someone hits him first. And then to tell a teacher.
He does self defence lessons so it is reinforced as well as the discipline and restraint.
It's important for me after having been badly bullied myself at school that he doesn't get bullied and is able to protect himself but also that he isn't a bully himself!

It's been mostly an issue at the local park playgrounds here for us, once my kids were going out alone. Almost all of the parents have been great when dealing with issues, but can't always find which parents to talk to after something horrible has happened.

My oldest has been tall for his age for years and that has made him a target - groups attacked him, I guess they think it makes them look tough if they take out the big guy who doesn't fight back. My younger daughter was harassed and threatened & would just stand there crying until someone else stepped in for her and brought her home. So, on recommendation, we've been working with all of our kids on a 3-step method: 1, tell attackers to stop politely and leave if possible and tell us, 2. If prevented from leaving/are attacked again, tell them as loudly as possible, warning that if they don't allow them to leave they have a right to defend themselves and leave if possible, 3 if still prevented/attacked further, they have my full blessing to defend themselves. All my kids old enough to go out go with self-defence alarms and we regularly work through what they can do. My oldest has also been taught to use his phone to record people. The main focus is on getting away, but mostly it's on having an action they can and will take themselves. It's worked well for us, none have gone past 2 since.

Few would expect an adult to take some of the abuse kids suffer at the hands of their peers without a physical reaction and I do not expect my kids to just take violence or harassment because of an ideal of non-violence clearly not being kept by those attacking them or the concept that an adult will always be present and willing to step in. The latter is just not true - many of us, myself included, have stories where adults just stood by and the former is just cruel to put on a child's shoulder on top of such violence. It may not be perfect, nothing in life is, but tools for handling conflict are important to teach and those include dealing with violent people when no one is coming and we're at a disadvantage as too many of us are forced to learn on our own.

I’m with hit back- harder. Someone hits me then I’m damn sure I’m not going to stand there and shout “no!” Or request a discussion about it.

Always hit back, never hit first. This due to certain situations. They are told to tell the teacher but the teacher isn't going to be there all the time like when playing out etc. Kids need to know how to defend themselves.

DM taught me how to punch effectively when I was seven. Never throw the first punch, always throw the last one. Later, DF told me this: "don't be an arsehole, but if you must, be the biggest one in the room. If you can't manage it, you'll wind up in real trouble. So don't be an arsehole".

I also tell mine to hit back harder

I also tell them if they hit first they should expect to be hot back - don't assume they won't

One was bullied by an older boy and she really hot h hard on the nose - guess what? It stopped.

It's not rocket science.

I've said to all of mine they can push people who have intentionally hurt them away as hard as they can and shout as loud as they can but hitting is unacceptable.

Working with infant children I've often seen children who've hurt someone accidentally, (swinging their arm around or bumping into them) receive a powerful punch by a child who has clearly had it drummed into them to hit back.

I hit back as a teenager after months of bullying and it just escalated the bullying. They involved much older stronger friends to hurt me harder.

FuzzyShadowChatter - if they are attacked again (stage 2) what if they get hurt so badly the 2nd time they are attacked they can’t get to stage 3 .... madness

I dont want my daughters to get bullied. But really cautious of hitting back. I tried to pull a girl off my friend when we were 15 (in school). She hospitalised us both

CottonSock - the great thing about martial arts which I know I keep banging in about is that it gives them an air if don’t fucking bother confidence.

Sad to say but bullies prefer easy victims. Those that fight back are left alone. My father fold me to fight back if I was hit (he said that i may still lose the fight but they'd never do it again - and he was right). Despite being one of the smaller boys I was left alone. I don't remember ever having an actual fight but the fact I would square up to anyone if provoked proved deterent enough. Even when the bully had his Crabbe and Goyle with him they backed off. I haven't passed on this advice to my children but their school is excellent in this regard and won't tolerate bullying. It is a shame all schools don't take it seriously as it can ruin a child's life.

I'm firmly in the hit back but harder camp.

I've also helped my DD have some good one liners ready for certain situations because sometimes, a very quick retort can also pack a punch.