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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I think the teacher is wanting to see me about what I said on Facebook...

508 replies

TruckLoadOfSubtleGlitter · 12/12/2018 09:56

Do I have a leg to stand on?

One of the TA's has been disregarding my 7yo DC's hard work and he missed out on 'extra play' despite doing the work asked of him (I can go into more detail if needed).

This is reading that is done at home and written in a book for school.

The TA was counting the reads, in fact totally ignoring most of them.

I bought it up with her, she tried to explain which made absolutely no sense whatsoever.
I played it over in my mind for 2 days and did not understand why they weren't counting all of my sons reads and why he was missing out. Reading doesn't come easy to him, he would rather not do it, it's a battle every day. Yet we do it, we record it, but it's not being ticked off by the TA (some is, some is ignored).

Still not understanding why 50% of it is ignored, I went on to the Facebook class page. It's a closed group of 20-30 parents. A closed and private group.

I posted a picture of his book and asked them to help me make sense of it. I don't understand??
Some other parents couldn't understand either.
I said I was really disappointed in the person who marked it. That I would mark it for them and add up his reads and do their job so they could see in black and white what work he had done. I haven't mentioned any names. It's happened to other kids too and they are missing out on 'extra play' as well despite doing the hard work.

DS has been in tears about this several times.

It wasn't an issue for the first 3 years at school and it wasn't a an issue for the 7 years my other DS was at this school. It's an issue now.

Now they have called me in for a meeting at 3pm - I cant make it today but I'm almost certain this is what it's about.
I think someone has reported me being annoyed with them and posting asking for advice about it on Facebook.

But surely I can ask for advice and express my disappointment (the only negative word I used, I was very careful!) no names mentioned?
I need to know if I've done something wrong here.

I'm still seriously fucked off them them so I held back what I really thought and just saved that information for my husband.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Lizzie48 · 14/12/2018 10:07

At the end of the day if it is a closed/private FB group no one should be discussing anything that’s said there outside of there. I’d find out who it was and boot them out. That’s rude in itself. YANBU

That possibly isn't the case. A lot of the teaching staff also have children in the school and so could be part of the group. The OP wouldn't know all the members, after all.

One thing I would like to ask, though, is how a school could penalise a parent for speaking out of turn on Social Media. Employees can face disciplinary procedures for doing that, obviously. But a parent isn't an employee of the school and they're not pupils who could be made to miss playtime or be put in detention.

So I don't see why the OP was so worried about the FB post. If the post were brought up, all she would have to do is apologise?She was acting as though she were a naughty pupil being sent to the headteacher.

I suspect the meeting was about something else entirely and the FB post is irrelevant. (Still very uncalled for, an email to the class teacher requesting clarification would be the way to go, and what we've always done if something was unclear.)

Yohooo · 14/12/2018 10:26

Funny thread.

If I was the OP I would thought it an odd system but I would have just filled the form out in the right day and saved my DC from getting upset. It's such a little thing.

namech · 14/12/2018 10:31

Hi I think the problem will be because you’re writing it all down in one day. I used to be a TA and check reads and sometimes it does make you wonder, if they are all done at the same time, whether the parent has just written them in for the child to get the reward and not done the actual reading, sorry just a thought.

kmckenna477 · 14/12/2018 10:41

I presume if you slander a TA or teacher on social media they could seek legal advice and pursue the matter through the courts supported by their union.

ToniHargis · 14/12/2018 12:04

I wouldn't go in looking for a fight, nor would I go in expecting to be "told off". As someone else has said, you're an adult. If they're annoyed with you, ask them to explain what they're annoyed about.
If you genuinely wanted answers that you couldn't get or understand, then you've done nothing wrong and you should stick to that.
Just go in assuming that they're going to give you a clear explanation, and thank them. Don't leave without fully understanding the issue and with a clear plan ahead. That way, even if they are trying to tell you off, you don't let them.

Lizzie48 · 14/12/2018 13:07

@kmckenna477 that's possible, in fact as it's written down it would be libel. However, I can't really imagine her union taking that case on, as surely an apology would suffice? Besides, it's only libel if it isn't true. I suppose it could be seen as cyber bullying, but even so I can't imagine a union rep taking it on. My DH is a union rep, I might ask him what he thinks.

But other than that, I don't know what some of you meant earlier in the thread that the OP might get into trouble for her post, unless you meant that she might be seen as persona non grata in the school staff room.

kmckenna477 · 14/12/2018 13:34

Why write down anything controversial in a group chat about the people who are caring for your child all day? I just can’t understand why you would vent in such a way. Surely a face to face convo or a telephone conversation would suffice.

boydoggies · 14/12/2018 13:45

Hey OP, I understand your frustration - I really don't think you are being unreasonable.. Occasionally, some people like to take a power trip (maybe the TA). Just because she has her system does not mean that the system cannot be questioned. It is frustrating when reading has been carried out, but the diary is still at school. I work in the evenings, so sometimes I do not log a read until the next night, even though it has indeed taken place on the previous evening. Now, I know that will cause some perfect mumsnet parents to faint, but hey! Good luck with getting things resolved and have a wonderful time on mat leave. Here's hoping your child no longer gets punished unjustly.

redexpat · 14/12/2018 13:48

She didnt write anything that was controversial. She said she was disappointed and didnt understand the comments. She didnt name the TA, nor de she criticise. Big difference.

I've read the whole thread and I think the fault lies with the school for not communicating their system clearly to the parents at the start of the year. This isnt a first time Mum who is new to everything - she has already had a child go through the school.

dippledorus · 14/12/2018 14:07

anybody at the school would know damn fine who the TA was. And she offered to do the TAs job for them. That's pretty rude in my opinion.

Lizzie48 · 14/12/2018 14:15

But as she didn't actually name the TA, I don't think a charge of libel would hold water at all. Bad form certainly but all this talk about her being in all sorts of trouble for the FB post were just a little OTT. What exactly could the school do about it?

I think it was a case of the OP feeling embarrassed about the post; it's probably very unlikely the meeting was going to be about the FB post.

Anyway, looks like we're never going to know.

OhDearGodLookAtThisMess · 14/12/2018 16:16

"punished unjustly?"
Oh ffs!! Don't be such a ridiculous bloody drama queen!

MaisyPops · 14/12/2018 16:22

She didnt name the TA, nor de she criticise. Big difference.
She shared something identifiable claiming faux confusion (as people often do when they clearly want to stir or vent and are seeking to lead others into agreeing).
She offered to do the TAs job for her.

Sounds like a classic 'I decided me and my family were so special and unique so procedures don't apply to us. Wait? You mean they do? Oh now I'm fuming because the school haven't catered aroubd my preferences. Rather than speak to the teacher, I'll post claiming innocent confusion on social media and hope other parents weigh in and I can hide the fact I didn't bother to do things properly'

MrsZola · 14/12/2018 16:49

My last school counted reads Friday night to Thursday night - children with less than 5 reads recorded in their reading diary over that time had to miss play and do extra reading. It was set up by the English lead and agreed by the SLT. The TA's checking had no wiggle room in this - they didn't set up the system, and had to do as directed.
It's ridiculous to bitch on FB, go in and speak to people like an adult. TBH, you should just do what other posters have suggested, buck up and sign the reading diary every time you read.

Lizzie48 · 14/12/2018 16:56

The OP hasn't been on here in 2 days now, it's pointless telling her how U you think she is.

Florries · 14/12/2018 19:43

Maybe she's still in detention?

PotteryLady · 14/12/2018 19:52

She's on the naughty step

iLoveFoood · 14/12/2018 19:59

Why didn't you privately message other mums instead of berating her in the middle of the fb group, think next time before you post stuff like this for many people to see. You can't belittle her job on a fb group just because you and the others mums couldn't understand Hmm

Lizzie48 · 14/12/2018 20:02

I'm just really finding it funny how desperate you all are to berate an OP that patently isn't bothered what you think! If you want a bunfight why not find another thread with an OP who is only too willing to argue back. 😂

JuliaSevern · 14/12/2018 20:57

That's great that you are finding it so hilarious. It's nice to be easily amused. Everyone should carry on posting so you can keep giggling away.

Lizzie48 · 14/12/2018 21:03

Looks like I'm not the only one, I see that other posters are finding it funny too, see the comments about the OP being on the naughty step or in detention.

JuliaSevern · 14/12/2018 21:17

That's great!

m0therofdragons · 14/12/2018 21:36

At the end of the day if it is a closed/private FB group no one should be discussing anything that’s said there outside of there. I’d find out who it was and boot them out. That’s rude in itself. YANBU

GrinGrinGrinGrin the last time someone put something controversial on our private class fb page the head received 7 emails with screen grabs attached! NEVER put anything in writing anywhere that you wouldn't want public to see. Lesson learned.

JohnCRaven · 14/12/2018 22:30

I think MN can sometimes be a microcosm of parents whose children are at certain types of schools and teachers at certain types of other schools.

My DD's school is a mixed bag and attempts to reward children based on parental behaviour would leave some children sorely missing out. I popped into a school in a seriously deprived area this morning (picking up something work related) and the 'before school' behaviour of parents/children/staff was a world of difference from DD's school.

In the OP's world children are rewarded monthly for their parents playing the 'fill in the book' game correctly (despite never being told the rules of the day the reads are tallied up). I can imagine in the school I visited that reward system would fall on deaf ears and simply encouraging attendance would be their goal.

I'm a huge believer that children should never be punished for the failings of their parents. At primary school age certainly the vast majority of responsibility lies with the parents. Wrong shoes=parents. Non attendance =parents. Lack of home reading = parents. Having awards or punishments for children based on their parents is massively unfair.

Pashal2 · 15/12/2018 14:13

No, not here. Outside of a threat of violence a teacher, self paying salary or not, wouldn't dare call a parent in for correction or chastisement or anything that a parent would be nervous about addressing especially if it was to other people. Wouldn't happen, sorry it's happening where this parent is...