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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I think the teacher is wanting to see me about what I said on Facebook...

508 replies

TruckLoadOfSubtleGlitter · 12/12/2018 09:56

Do I have a leg to stand on?

One of the TA's has been disregarding my 7yo DC's hard work and he missed out on 'extra play' despite doing the work asked of him (I can go into more detail if needed).

This is reading that is done at home and written in a book for school.

The TA was counting the reads, in fact totally ignoring most of them.

I bought it up with her, she tried to explain which made absolutely no sense whatsoever.
I played it over in my mind for 2 days and did not understand why they weren't counting all of my sons reads and why he was missing out. Reading doesn't come easy to him, he would rather not do it, it's a battle every day. Yet we do it, we record it, but it's not being ticked off by the TA (some is, some is ignored).

Still not understanding why 50% of it is ignored, I went on to the Facebook class page. It's a closed group of 20-30 parents. A closed and private group.

I posted a picture of his book and asked them to help me make sense of it. I don't understand??
Some other parents couldn't understand either.
I said I was really disappointed in the person who marked it. That I would mark it for them and add up his reads and do their job so they could see in black and white what work he had done. I haven't mentioned any names. It's happened to other kids too and they are missing out on 'extra play' as well despite doing the hard work.

DS has been in tears about this several times.

It wasn't an issue for the first 3 years at school and it wasn't a an issue for the 7 years my other DS was at this school. It's an issue now.

Now they have called me in for a meeting at 3pm - I cant make it today but I'm almost certain this is what it's about.
I think someone has reported me being annoyed with them and posting asking for advice about it on Facebook.

But surely I can ask for advice and express my disappointment (the only negative word I used, I was very careful!) no names mentioned?
I need to know if I've done something wrong here.

I'm still seriously fucked off them them so I held back what I really thought and just saved that information for my husband.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Jinglebells99 · 12/12/2018 10:19

If you want his reading at home to be counted towards the reward, then you have to record it in the reading record on the day that he does it. You can’t expect the Ta to look at his book and count what isn’t there. They are rewarding children who have done the reading and recorded it. I used to help with reading at school. You can tell who is reading regularly at home and whose records are being filled in correctly. The ultimate reward is learning to read.

Original poster
TruckLoadOfSubtleGlitter · 12/12/2018 10:19

I think you're in the scared school girl mode.

On the contrary. I'm known to flick in to 'arsehold mode' far too easily. I often need to ask for clarification from others whether I have a right to be pissed off or whether it's my personality again making me unreasonable.
I'm 9 months pregnant and feel like shit as well, so I'm not in the slightest bit patient with people generally at the moment.

Posting here isn't me being a scared school girl, it's giving me great perspective which I really appreciate.

OP posts:
sweeneytoddsrazor · 12/12/2018 10:19

Well obviously if they record it once a week and you havent written anything in for that week they cant then record it. Monday would be the start of a new week so writung it in on a Saturday would be to late for the week before. You read every night it takes less than 2 minutes to record this. The book obviously comes home sometimes and maybe DS should be reminded at school pick up to get it if he hasnt got it.

Original poster
TruckLoadOfSubtleGlitter · 12/12/2018 10:21

You can’t expect the Ta to look at his book and count what isn’t there.

It WAS THERE.

That's the problem!!!!

OP posts:
Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 12/12/2018 10:22

I disagree with ^
There are no grounds to upbraid you for asking for opinion/support from a closed FB group so long as it wasn't a full on character assassination/slagging off

Youmadorwhat · 12/12/2018 10:22

@Beaverhausen

Unfortunately teachers these days do not like to put in the extra effort with students who might need the little extra help

REALLY?!! that is certainly not the case with any teacher I know (myself included!)

Neptunesgiraffe · 12/12/2018 10:23

If they check the reads on a Thursday, then they check the reads on a Thursday. Yabvvu to expect them to check your child's book on a different day.
I understand that sometimes the reading record may not come home but you need to complete the reading record on the days that you have it. Not at the weekend.

Di11y · 12/12/2018 10:23

so every Thursday the teacher counts readings since the previous Thursday, but for your son there will only be readings up until the Sunday (4), and you want them to remember they didn't count the mon-thur last time and credit them? you're making a lot of hard work for the teacher! Just make sure you update them all on a wed and don't blame the teacher for your complicated system.

titchy · 12/12/2018 10:23

If we wrote them all out on the Thursday, they would all get counted.

So why don't you do that then Hmm

You know reading gets checked on a Friday but you insist on filling it in retrospectively at the weekend? And your ds is the one that suffers. Then you moan about it on FB rather than recognise that the teaching staff can't be expected to know that your child has read if you haven't written it down, apologise to them and make sure you fill in the damn record.

Great parenting....

dinosaurglitterrepublic · 12/12/2018 10:25

I don’t think it’s really appropriate to post it in a Facebook group. A better way of dealing with it would have been to escalate it to the teacher surely?

Also, it seems the reason they aren’t counted is you aren’t following the proper procedure. This could all be solved by you writing in the book by the correct deadline. Yes, it takes a bit of time on a weeknight rather than a Saturday, but that’s life and it can’t possibly take that long. It would also save you the time querying it all on Facebook and having to attend meetings. Sometimes it’s easier to do what you are supposed to do.

I am not unsympathetic. It does seem like the TA could just count them later and I am not saying you have done anything that wrong, but sometimes you have to work within processes. It would avoid your child being upset.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 12/12/2018 10:25

But they arent there are they. You say they are checked on a Thursday but you write them in on Saturday. Therefore they are not there on a Thursday when checked.

titchy · 12/12/2018 10:25

I'm known to flick in to 'arsehold mode' far too easily.

You don't say...

Ihatemyseleffordoingthis · 12/12/2018 10:26

However, if the reading record is checked on Thursdays and that is clear, (is the reward the extra play on Fridays? usually is at our school), then why not just do it for the deadline? This is one of those everyone-has-to-do-it-at-the-same-time things.

Original poster
TruckLoadOfSubtleGlitter · 12/12/2018 10:26

yabvvu to expect them to check your child's book on a different day.

Eh?! I'm not??

When they sit down to read them on the thursday they are IGNORING what we have written down.

I don't expect them to count them on a different day.

It's confusing isn't it?? This is why I didn't understand them, this is why I needed help from the fb page.

Let me write out exactly how they did it so I can show you.

OP posts:
Original poster
TruckLoadOfSubtleGlitter · 12/12/2018 10:27

You don't say... Grin

But I acknowledge it, address it, and combat it. Smile

OP posts:
Youmadorwhat · 12/12/2018 10:28

@Truckloadofsubtleglitter if you have time to read then you have time to sign the reading record they go hand in hand! If you take the book out of his bag then take the reading record too and have a pen in his book bag for that sole purpose (that’s what I do with my DD’s) she knows not to touch the pen. Sometimes I sign it as she is reading the first page. Then pop it back in the bag and done ✅

Fairenuff · 12/12/2018 10:28

So they check the reading record on Fridays and at that point there will be no reading recorded for the current week.

You then retrospectively fill in the reading record on a Sunday which is too late as it's already been checked.

It is then not checked again until the following Friday when, yet again, there is no reading recorded for the current week. And so it goes on.

You can see what the problem is doing it this way. The TA does not have time to remember every family's particular way of doing things. They will just check the book and it shows as either read or not read. This is for you to sort out, not them.

I think that the best thing to do would be to write in the record book each time he reads. You can even write it whilst you are listening to him read so no extra time needed.

For those days that the book does not come home, is it that he has just forgotten to bring it home? How many days a weeks does this happen?

edwinbear · 12/12/2018 10:30

So he does his actual reading every day, you just don't write up his book every night and complete it in one go, over the weekend? Is that correct?

Provided he is reading every day, school are being a bit pedantic - but I wonder if she thinks he is doing his full weeks reading over the weekend rather than picking up his book each night?

Alfie190 · 12/12/2018 10:30

I think the way you have gone about things is pathetic. You go and speak to somebody if you are not happy, you don't make btchy remarks about having to do somebody's job on facebook.

thepotato · 12/12/2018 10:31

This is a silly situation. The TA needs to be more flexible in her approach. Missing playtime for not reading at home is too harsh.

FuckingYuleLog · 12/12/2018 10:32

I don’t understand how they are there if they check on a Fri and you don’t write them down until the weekend?
They are only going to check books once a week so if writing it on a Thur will solve the problem just do it.
My kids are supposed to practice spellings every day and have them signed off each night. I’ve always just let them do the whole sheet in one go at the weekend but one of their new teachers checks throughout the week so that child has to do it nightly. Yes, it’s a faff and they have to remember to bring it home each night but it’s doable.

titchy · 12/12/2018 10:33

But I acknowledge it, address it, and combat it.

I don't call moaning about something on FB addressing it.

Addressing it is realising that you're filling the record the wrong way, which is causing distress to YOUR child, apologising to him and teachers, and making every effort going forward to spend the 30 seconds it takes to fill it in on time.

dinosaurglitterrepublic · 12/12/2018 10:33

Procedures are there for a reason. Imagine if every parent just filled in the reading book on the day they felt like it. Would you have them check every day to see when people can be bothered to fill it in? Much easier if they just check once a week and don’t duplicate work every day. If they only check once a week then yours is always missing and won’t appear until the following week. It would be a bit odd to operate a reward system a week in arrears. Would be much less effective.

Just fill it in on the day you are supposed to. The only person making this complicated is you. Incidentally, it’s your child that is suffering. Is that not sufficient motivation?

ChocolateStash · 12/12/2018 10:34

Don't shoot the messenger but you should go along and see what they have to say before getting too defensive. They can't discuss your child or any other child on social media. The school would probably prefer for you to address issues with them directly instead of rallying discontent amongst the other parents on social media. You have years of dealing with this school so it is better for everyone if you find a suitable way of communicating.

sweeneytoddsrazor · 12/12/2018 10:34

If it is counted on a Thursday then you will only have entries to the Saturday. All the others will be for the previous week so to late to be counted.