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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I think the teacher is wanting to see me about what I said on Facebook...

508 replies

TruckLoadOfSubtleGlitter · 12/12/2018 09:56

Do I have a leg to stand on?

One of the TA's has been disregarding my 7yo DC's hard work and he missed out on 'extra play' despite doing the work asked of him (I can go into more detail if needed).

This is reading that is done at home and written in a book for school.

The TA was counting the reads, in fact totally ignoring most of them.

I bought it up with her, she tried to explain which made absolutely no sense whatsoever.
I played it over in my mind for 2 days and did not understand why they weren't counting all of my sons reads and why he was missing out. Reading doesn't come easy to him, he would rather not do it, it's a battle every day. Yet we do it, we record it, but it's not being ticked off by the TA (some is, some is ignored).

Still not understanding why 50% of it is ignored, I went on to the Facebook class page. It's a closed group of 20-30 parents. A closed and private group.

I posted a picture of his book and asked them to help me make sense of it. I don't understand??
Some other parents couldn't understand either.
I said I was really disappointed in the person who marked it. That I would mark it for them and add up his reads and do their job so they could see in black and white what work he had done. I haven't mentioned any names. It's happened to other kids too and they are missing out on 'extra play' as well despite doing the hard work.

DS has been in tears about this several times.

It wasn't an issue for the first 3 years at school and it wasn't a an issue for the 7 years my other DS was at this school. It's an issue now.

Now they have called me in for a meeting at 3pm - I cant make it today but I'm almost certain this is what it's about.
I think someone has reported me being annoyed with them and posting asking for advice about it on Facebook.

But surely I can ask for advice and express my disappointment (the only negative word I used, I was very careful!) no names mentioned?
I need to know if I've done something wrong here.

I'm still seriously fucked off them them so I held back what I really thought and just saved that information for my husband.

AIBU?

OP posts:
TeaStory · 12/12/2018 11:03

You don’t (or won’t) understand how the school works, so I was giving an example you might find easier to grasp. FFS.

MarthaArthur · 12/12/2018 11:03

Even if you are filling it out wrong the poor little mite doesnt deserve to be punished by not having extra play he has earned by reading at home every night. Go talk to yhe teachers. Their system is bat shit and i used to be a TA. You would be amazed the kids who never read at all.

WorraLiberty · 12/12/2018 11:04

I’m not losing perspective, I’m giving an example you might understand more easily.

Good luck with that...

Nanny0gg · 12/12/2018 11:04

A) Why the hell are children being rewarded for something out of their control? (Just like absences/attendance)

B) I may have missed it, but did you speak to the CT (as opposed to the TA) before posting on FB?

sweeneytoddsrazor · 12/12/2018 11:04

You are very hard work. You know it is counted weekly but choose to ignore that. You not the ta or the teacher are responsible for your son losing out. Stop blaming everyone else and do what you are supposed to be doing.

Original poster
TruckLoadOfSubtleGlitter · 12/12/2018 11:04

If you do not fill it in until the weekend that is impossible.

It really isn't. On the 11th of December we wrote out the dates from
The 8th - 11th.

She sat down and looked at those on the 16th. They had been written down for a few days by that point.
But she didn't count all those dates. She ignored them.

OP posts:
Usernumbers1234 · 12/12/2018 11:04

Schools are, rightly, sensitive over what is put on social media.

I don’t think you’ve been particularly unreasonable in what you’ve posted, but the way I look at our school class Facebook groups is that they are for:

Birthday party arrangements
Reminders about dress down days
Requests if anyone’s picked up their child’s stuff by accident.
Looking for help with pick ups in emergencies

It’s not for discussing children’s school progress and it’s not for discussing the rights and wrongs of any staff members work.

I don’t think you’ve been particularly unreasonable based on what you’ve posted (Although posting you’d “do her job for her” is passive aggressive and not necessary), just seems like a bit of a misunderstanding on somebody’s part (probably the TA).

But I do think you are unreasonable posting about anything like that on a Facebook group. It’s irrelevant it’s private, it’s not, 30 other parents at the school are on there.

The school has no right of reply and you might (not saying you are) be posting half a story.

In this particular case I don’t think it merits anything other than the school explaining to you about the marking thing or fixing it if they are getting it wrong and asking you to stop posting about staff on Facebook.

WorraLiberty · 12/12/2018 11:05

Even if you are filling it out wrong the poor little mite doesnt deserve to be punished by not having extra play he has earned by reading at home every night.

Which is exactly why his parents should follow the TA's simple instructions...

Nanny0gg · 12/12/2018 11:05

C) And you may not have mentioned names, but it will be patently obvious who you were talking about.

dippledorus · 12/12/2018 11:06

Jesus fuck.

The deadline is part of what is required. Just do the fucking thing by the weekly deadline and stop taking issues to fucking Facebook.

Original poster
TruckLoadOfSubtleGlitter · 12/12/2018 11:06

Their system is bat shit and i used to be a TA
Me too!

It seems that only the teachers and TA's on here are understanding just how bat shit their system is.

Likening their system to applying for a job is ridiculous.

As I said before (albeit it a bit late!) they have never actually told me that I need to write this work out before Thursday.
This is my assumption when she told me she marked them every Friday.

OP posts:
Usernumbers1234 · 12/12/2018 11:06

Oh, only got to page 3, you’re one of those are you.....

In which case YABU, which I kind of suspected. Half the story, on a forum where they can’t reply, and you aren’t looking at this objectively any more.

And you’re probably wrong anyway

Cleo18 · 12/12/2018 11:06

prh47bridge - exactly

In the "real world" that's how it works. If a grown up DS doesn't submit his overtime hours by the agreed deadline, or his UC application or his job application - then it isn't counted. These bodies won't waste their time going back over previous weeks and months to see what was recorded late.

Knittink · 12/12/2018 11:07

Just. Do. It. How. You're. Supposed. To.

HTH

SushiMonster · 12/12/2018 11:07

When did “reads” become used like this? “He does his reads” makes no sense. He completes the required number of reading sessions. He read his book five times. Much better!

TeaStory · 12/12/2018 11:07

Likening their system to applying for a job is ridiculous.

FFS! I was trying to put it in terms you might understand more easily! I’m trying to help you!

Fairenuff · 12/12/2018 11:07

I don't see why it can't be counted respectively.

It's very simple OP.

Schools have lots of systems so that they can get administrative work out of the way as effectively as possible and get on with the business of teaching children.

One of these systems is the reading record. It is checked on a Friday and the number of times the child has read that week is recorded.

It may well be transferred to a 'whole class list' so that all the information is there for the teacher to easily access. It may even be put onto a computer system.

The number is recorded each week and added up at the end of the month.

The TA does not go back over previous weeks as this would be time consuming. The system is there to make it a fast process.

Going back over 30 reading records every week would make it a slow and laborious task. They just don't have time for that.

Just fill it in as you go. Why are you resisting this so much?

Amaried · 12/12/2018 11:08

Honestly I think you were dead wrong to vent on a Facebook page full of other parents. You didn't mention any names but any parents from the school will know who you are referring to. You should have told the Ta that her explanation didn't make sense to you and if that failed made an appointment with the head. Venting on Facebook is not the way to sort your issues and definitely damages your relationship with the school.

FuckingYuleLog · 12/12/2018 11:08

Sorry I’m not buying that it’s a monthly reward. You’ve posted many times since posters have been talking about a weekly reward and only now decided to clarify Hmm
There’s no way the ta would be going through the whole classes reading records weekly when they could do it monthly - giving themselves 4x the work.
Just accept Yabu and fill it in on the right day op.

TeaStory · 12/12/2018 11:08

And, for the record, learning to keep to deadlines etc is an important part of schooling. The so-called “Biden curriculum”. You need to model this to your child because it will help him now and in the future.

TeaStory · 12/12/2018 11:09

*”Hidden Curriculum”, sorry autocorrect error.

dinosaurglitterrepublic · 12/12/2018 11:10

*t really isn't. On the 11th of December we wrote out the dates from
The 8th - 11th.

She sat down and looked at those on the 16th. They had been written down for a few days by that point.
But she didn't count all those dates. She ignored them.*

I did open my calendar, but then couldn’t be bothered to cross reference it with your picture and type the message at the same time on one device. It has been very clearly explained to you what the problem is. By many posters. It’s also pretty obvious to all of us, so why you are struggling with it is beyond me.

If you genuinely don’t understand, just try filing the book out up to date every Thursday. You will find this mysterious problem you can’t quite get to grips with is miraculously solved.

CaroloftheBalls · 12/12/2018 11:10

@TruckLoadOfSubtleGlitter
“On the 11th of December we wrote out the dates from the 8th - 11th.
She sat down and looked at those on the 16th.”

I don’t think you understand the concept of there only being seven days in a week. By the 16th, the reading done on the 8th doesn’t ‘count’ as reading done in that week.

I have explained how the system works, above. The TA has also explained it to you. Countless posters have advised you to write down the reading as you do it.

How can you seriously say you still don’t understand how it works?

Thatsalovelycuppatea · 12/12/2018 11:10

You can't trust anyone on Facebook or Instagram. People take things the wrong way and report it. People on Facebook are not always your real friends especially mums up the school
Believe me......

Youngandfree · 12/12/2018 11:11

@Truckloadofsubtleglitter JUST FILL IT IN EVERY EVENING WHEN HE IS READING, honestly is it THAT HARD!??! and yes a deadline is a deadline for a reason! 7 or 27 that’s life...god!!now I know how people are getting to adulthood with such ridiculous expectations of the world around them and with no respect for policies and procedures.