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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want strangers staying over in my house

254 replies

hoopyloopy2 · 12/12/2018 09:05

DH has invited his old friend & his new partner over to ours between Christmas & New Year. New partner’s teenager is coming too, who we haven’t met. All good with me so far. But DH wants them to stay the night. We don’t have a spare bedroom so this will involve sofa bed + moving one of my 2 dcs out of their rooms. The old friend lives 40 minutes away, so I don’t see why we can’t have a nice time for a few hours without the staying over part. I know it means a lot to DH to spend quality time with his friend. But I don’t want people I don’t know staying in my house and the awkwardness of shuffling people around. I’m not someone who never has anyone to stay, we have family and occasional very close friends overnight a few times a year. But this feels different and I think in our mid 40s we are past that stage of people bunking in together after a boozy night....but DH thinks I am being anti-social & uptight. AIBU?

OP posts:
SparklyLeprechaun · 12/12/2018 09:07

But they are not strangers, they are his friends?

Original poster
hoopyloopy2 · 12/12/2018 09:09

One is his friend. The other is the friend’s new partner and her teenager. Both of whom are strangers. As I said I am delighted to have them come to my house and spend all day with us, it’s the staying the night part that I have a problem with.

OP posts:
FilledSoda · 12/12/2018 09:09

I'd hate that and I agree , stay a few hours and go home.
I'm surprised they even want to stay when they live 40 mins away.

ChocolateTearDrops · 12/12/2018 09:10

But they are not strangers, they are his friends

One old friend, one new partner and an unknown teen who won't want to be there

I agree with OP. Visit is good, overnight no.

paxillin · 12/12/2018 09:12

I wouldn't mind someone like that to stay the night, but that's neither here nor there. DH should have checked with you.

Difficult to call off once an invitation has been issued. Don't move your kids though, put an airbed in with the sleep sofa. Perhaps they (or the teen) will turn down the chance then anyway.

TwiceMagic · 12/12/2018 09:15

Really? I’m surprised that so many people have a problem with this.

I’m with your DH, OP.

Ohyesiam · 12/12/2018 09:19

I’d be with your husband( unless he arranged it without asking you). It’s not that I’m
Super comfortable with people in my space, but it’s generous to your husband as well as these people to share your space and time with them. It’s only one night, and extending a welcome to people is a lovely thing to give.

OoohAyyye · 12/12/2018 09:19

I wouldn't like it and nor would my DP were it the other way round.

winkingdemon · 12/12/2018 09:21

I personally wouldn't either. Not just because you don't really know them, but because you haven't got the room as you say and would be moving your DC around to accomodate them. If there was room and you'd met them before, I'd say YABU but for me it's the issue of like you say, people you don't know in your house and awkwardness of shuffling people around

BarbarianMum · 12/12/2018 09:21

I'd think dh was being supremely unreasonable if he had a problem with having a couple of my friends stay the night.

If this does go ahead make sure he does all the work re bed changing though.

blackteasplease · 12/12/2018 09:23

I'm sure they can book a taxi this far in advance!

chipsandgin · 12/12/2018 09:24

I wouldn’t have a problem with it at all, but then we’re in our late forties & are definitely not past having friends over for a boozy evening & having them stay over! Agree DH should have checked with you though.

mirren3 · 12/12/2018 09:24

If not be happy with that either, though as long as DH does all the room shifting and gets up early next morning to make the fry up before they leave would help.

Habadabadoo · 12/12/2018 09:25

I'm uncomfortable with ANYONE staying in my house! I think I may have problems though!

mindutopia · 12/12/2018 09:26

I wouldn't shuffle people around. Just say that your lounge is free with a sofa bed and teenager can bring a sleeping bag/mat and sleep on the floor. Or why doesn't your Dh go to visit them? Surely, it's easier to find room for one extra person to spend the night rather than 3.

LegoPiecesEverywhere · 12/12/2018 09:27

It is only one night so it wouldn’t bother me in the slightest

MoistCantaloupe · 12/12/2018 09:28

I personally would not mind this one bit. He should have asked you prior to agreeing though, so I guess he has to book them a taxi

DorotheaHomeAlone · 12/12/2018 09:28

I wouldn’t mind people staying but literally can’t see why they would if they’re not long distance? Most people in London have a 40min or longer commute each day. I regularly travel that to meet friends in town. 40 minutes is nothing.

Raaaaaah · 12/12/2018 09:29

You are being anti social. I don’t particularly enjoy having house guests but I am aware that this is unreasonable and due to my own issues so I always make guests welcome.

I really don’t see the issue with moving a DC for one night. It teachers them hospitality and flexibility.

Scallywag1903 · 12/12/2018 09:29

I am fine with anyone staying - more the merrier as far as I am concerned. HOWEVER - mmm...I am not keen on moving DC from their rooms - unless its someone they know really well or they are happy with it. I just feel it's their space and I want to respect that.

Lordofmyflies · 12/12/2018 09:31

I wouldn't have a problem with it, but I wouldn't be moving my dc either. They can bring sleeping bags and a blow up mattress - 2 on the sofa bed and teen on mattress, and no washing for you.

greenlynx · 12/12/2018 09:31

I’m with you. You have no spare room so for me it’s a main issue. Having relatives in this situation for one night could be ok but not people whom you don’t know basically.
Why would they stay? Why they can’t go home to have a comfortable sleep in their own beds? (Genuine question because it’s what I would do )

richierichardsaunt · 12/12/2018 09:32

I'm with you op

Why does one of your dc have to give up their room?
If your dh wants this to happen make him give up his bed.

Sethis · 12/12/2018 09:33

I'd have no problem with this.

M4J4 · 12/12/2018 09:34

If your dh wants this to happen make him give up his bed.

Also likely to be OP's bed.

OP, has he already invited them to stay without checking with you?