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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want strangers staying over in my house

254 replies

hoopyloopy2 · 12/12/2018 09:05

DH has invited his old friend & his new partner over to ours between Christmas & New Year. New partner’s teenager is coming too, who we haven’t met. All good with me so far. But DH wants them to stay the night. We don’t have a spare bedroom so this will involve sofa bed + moving one of my 2 dcs out of their rooms. The old friend lives 40 minutes away, so I don’t see why we can’t have a nice time for a few hours without the staying over part. I know it means a lot to DH to spend quality time with his friend. But I don’t want people I don’t know staying in my house and the awkwardness of shuffling people around. I’m not someone who never has anyone to stay, we have family and occasional very close friends overnight a few times a year. But this feels different and I think in our mid 40s we are past that stage of people bunking in together after a boozy night....but DH thinks I am being anti-social & uptight. AIBU?

OP posts:
Rosejasmine · 13/12/2018 18:22

Yes YAB a bit U, it's only 1 night. If it was for more than that then maybe that's too much of an ask. I can understand the pain though. Have they actually been invited to stay the night yet or is it just a thought from your DH? You might find that they don't want to stay, especially if there aren't spare rooms. I wouldn't want to stay with my DH and teen, I'd rather find a nearby hotel if we didn't want to drive back.

abacucat · 13/12/2018 18:26

The teenager may be coming because if they are only 13, the parents will rightly not want to leave them alone over night.

labazs · 13/12/2018 18:36

perhaps your husband thought they could have a drink and a nice night instead of having to think of driving home

TonTonMacoute · 13/12/2018 18:38

I wouldn't mind hosting, but no way would I want to be a guest in those circumstances.

Maggie42 · 13/12/2018 18:40

I am with you I would not like it either

Serialweightwatcher · 13/12/2018 18:45

NRFT but I would hate it and say 'no' - if they're staying over they could be up drinking and carrying on until ridiculously late and you have 2 children - also, it's not comfortable especially when you don't know them ... it would be a definite 'no' from me - let them get a taxi home at a reasonably decent time (12ish/1ish) or one of them doesn't have to drink and can maybe drive

MiddlingMum · 13/12/2018 18:59

I can't believe the guests think this is acceptable. In any case, I'd be booking into a hotel and letting DH get on with it. I only like overnight guests who I know really well.

thatwouldbeanecumenicalmatter · 13/12/2018 19:06

Yes he should have discussed this with you first. Seeing as they’re his guests I’m assuming that he’ll be doing all the hosting, buying extra food, cooking, cleaning up, changing bedsheets, laundry etc?..

HisBetterHalf · 13/12/2018 19:13

you are not being anti social, take no notice

Mymomsbetterthanyomom · 13/12/2018 19:22

Donnerbox,with all those strangers in your home...You could end up the Donnerparty instead.Nope,staying safe in my comfortable bubble😉

Shell4429 · 13/12/2018 19:49

I am surprised nobody has picked up on the reason these people want to stay overnight. One word ... alcohol! Unless they live walking distance away or one of them doesn’t drink, isn’t it obvious?

theworldistoosmall · 13/12/2018 20:07

Shell4429 Why does alcohol mean they have to stay over?
I drink. I go out. I don't sleep everywhere I drink. I sometimes take a cab home or a bus home. And have even walked 40 or so minutes home.

Sparkletastic · 13/12/2018 20:10

Why not just meet for lunch - or host them for lunch? Doesn't need to be a massive piss up necessitating a sleepover. Otherwise easier for your DP to go to them.

theworldistoosmall · 13/12/2018 20:12

OP YANBU Christmas is for your children.
DH can see his mates at New Year. His kids deserve Christmas they've been good for their Elf and Santa all year and for what? 3 unwise men to rock up tired and emotional and in their space.

The kids will still be having their Christmas considering they are coming after Christmas and before New Year.
And how will the 3 guests be tired and emotional from travelling 40 minutes up the road on a pre-planned visit? Not like they have just been hit by a catastrophe and it's an emergency situation.

Queenofthedrivensnow · 13/12/2018 20:14

I would be fine with the friend just not the people you don't know. Not it's being awkwardly pushed on you

Teacher22 · 13/12/2018 20:21

I am with the OP. A stranger and her teenager could be very hard work. I think I might consider the stay if I had a spare room but moving the children as well as having strangers is a problem too far. The teenager and the child might be most unamenable. It doesn’t sound like a comfortable arrangement.

PyongyangKipperbang · 13/12/2018 20:27

Why does alcohol mean they have to stay over?

Because a) The two men are probably planning on a get together which wont end before public transport stops and b) a 40 mile taxi ride will be very expensive so "Oh you can just stay over at ours mate......"

Been there, done that (see my pp), put my foot down the second time. Another friends wife hosted that time and regretted it, not least because looking after her 2 young kids when her lounge had 3 snoring farting and then hungover men in it was an ordeal. I did try to warn her but she was sure that it would be fine. She said no the second time too. The third wife was more sensible than us two and said no from the get go :o

stayathomer · 13/12/2018 20:45

As it's Christmas I'd assume they wan to break out the drink, maybe play board games, stay up most of the night, that sort of thing? You should probably talk to him about it though

Alwaysdrama · 13/12/2018 20:52

I would hate this both as the guest and the host.
Sleeping in a living room on a sofa bed and all creeping about at night hearing one toilet and bathroom fills me with dread.
I even find the whole being in pyjamas in the morning really weird unless it’s very close relatives.

So I would rather not drink myself and personally drive them home if they won’t get a cab!!!

NotBeforeCoffee · 13/12/2018 21:04

I really feel for this teenager, they are not going to enjoy any of it

expat101 · 13/12/2018 21:13

Hubby extends invitation and the work load shifts to you to accommodate, feed and entertain people you don't know.... shall I take a bet the next thing to be announced will be special dietary needs when menu planning..? Yes i would be peeved as well and would push to meet up on neutral ground over a lovely meal you haven't slaved over. Get to know them first. If the mate was so close to Hubby to begin with, you should already have been introduced to his ''someone special''.

Whisky2014 · 13/12/2018 21:15

It's a good way to become more friendly surely.

SuspiciouslyMinded · 13/12/2018 21:44

Good one, nipersvest!

I wouldn’t be too happy with the arrangement OP, but as others have suggested I’d let them stay as long as the husband makes the beds for them and washes the sheets afterwards, and makes breakfast for them and for you to thank you for accommodating his wishes.

U2HasTheEdge · 13/12/2018 22:25

I am happy to have close friends and family stay over but I wouldn't be over the moon at having someone I don't know and their teen sleep over.

I enjoy it when my mum and sister stay, they make themselves at home, I don't have to worry about any mess and I am just comfortable around them. I would not be comfortable with a teen I don't know and a friend's partner who I have never met. I am far from anti-social.

However, what's done is done and I would let them stay and hope that the night goes really well.

babydreamer1 · 13/12/2018 22:43

YANBU. Just say no if you don't feel comfortable, I would t want complete strangers sleeping in my house. At the very least say that you won't be asking your DC to vacate their room for the night. This really annoys me. What ever your age, a bedroom is a personal space and I never understand why people think that children should be forced to allow another person, particularly a stranger, in to their room to sleep in their bed. Just say they will need to bring mat/bedding for their teenager as you don't have room, this might put them off anyway.

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