Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think MIL has ripped the piss?

334 replies

taxiforMIL · 11/12/2018 22:47

Please help me to see straight with this.

My MIL picks my DS up from school on a Monday. DS is in P4 I so this arrangement has been going on for the best part of 3 and a half years since DS started p1. She always walked to to the school to collect him but since Easter she’s had bother with her knee and hasn’t been up to walking the distance to the school.

We offered to send DS to afterschool care but she insisted he came to her so we offered to pay for her to pick him up in a taxi (she doesn’t drive) and bring him back to hers. All seemed ok.

We decided that instead of giving MIL money every week we’d set up an account with the local taxi company and I’d pay the bill monthly. My DH knows the guy who runs the taxi firm so was no bother to set up. We explained to her what we’d done and the account was to cover her journey to and from the school to collect DS.

Anyway, to the main issue. Since April, I’ve been calling monthly to settle the bill and it’s always been roughly the same amount, give or take a few pounds.

I called at the end of Oct to pay the bill and it was higher than usual but I was busy at work at the time and assumed that there had been a delay at school one day or something had happened. Admittedly I forgot to ask DH about it. I called at the end of November to pay the bill and it was even higher again! For instance, say the bill is normally £30 a month, it was £45 in October then £75 in November. I didn’t pay the November bill there and then as the man in the office couldn’t tell me what journeys had been made on the account.

I rang my DH and explained to him about the bills shooting up and he phoned MIL who said she’d been using the account to get out and about and she didn’t think we’d mind a few extra pounds on the bill.

My DH said to her that she’s spent roughly £60 on taxis on an account that she knows was set up solely to collect DS from school.

She is indignant about the whole thing and even used the account again after we’d told her.

WWYD? I’ve told my DH that I want DS to attend
Afterschool care. It’s cheaper than £75 a month 🙈

OP posts:
Yabbers · 13/12/2018 22:29

Also worth considering whether your son enjoys his granny days. Seems a shame to punish him for her doing something you don't like.

Namenic · 13/12/2018 22:59

Hehe - life is funny OP. It is inconsiderate of MIL but it’s wise not to offend her as you don’t know if/when you’ll need future childcare. Let it slide or give her benefit of doubt (it is possible that she just sees it as ‘small change’ and thinks u would as well).

FamilyOfAliens · 13/12/2018 23:16

this genuinely wouldn't bother me. It's the kind of thing our family would do.

What, take someone else’s money without asking them? Sounds like a strange family that would do something like that.

Rhiannon13 · 13/12/2018 23:59

Obviously she should've asked, but maybe she thought you wouldn't begrudge her the extra taxi trips due to all the free childcare she's done over the years? Does she feel taken for granted do you think?

As you know she's been having trouble with her knee, have you asked how she's managing shopping etc.? CF-ery aside, it sounds like she might be grateful for help with getting around.

Nightwatch999 · 14/12/2018 02:29

Just remember OP this is your DH mum your slagging off. She has a mobility problem and still offered to pick your DS up for you, and here you are complaining about her using a taxi to get about.

Perhaps offer to drive her around to help her, because believe me your DH will not be so understanding at you begrudging his elderly mum help when she needed it the most.

kateandme · 14/12/2018 04:07

gm never saw looking after dc as childcare with us though.she wanted to see dc that time a week so loved to offer to do it on regular basis.it was just a grandparent looking after dc.spending time.being with them having good times.so people comparing it to free childcare and what you've saved does and doesn't make sense to me.
therefore this feels even more cfuckery to me.

kateandme · 14/12/2018 04:12

but only you know you mil so is this the kind of thing she does.or has she maybe been struggling more than shes been able to tell anyone so didn't see any other way of getting round and new it was wrong but was in an embaressed shamed guilty way but desperate to get out sometimes. I don't know.maybe talk to her about it.
theres often so many sides of the story.many we don't see and just read and reply to.but there could be so much more we don't see or know from your family set up

MrsFassy · 14/12/2018 05:02

@Nightwatch999 perhaps try reading through all of the OP's posts. MiL is not elderly.

She's also been compensated very well for the 'free childcare' which she has insisted upon continuing, very possibly because she wants that time with her grandson.

shearwater · 14/12/2018 05:22

I think this is always the problem with free childcare from grandparents

It really isn't. My PIL have helped with childcare for 12 years and have literally never stolen from us. Hmm

Nightwatch999 · 14/12/2018 05:33

@MrsFassy i read her post, she is still elderly, retired and struggling.

LaPufalina · 14/12/2018 06:42

She's not, nightwatch, if you read later posts!
I thought this would be a unanimous YANBU, can't believe how many people are backing the MIL and ignoring the fact that a) she's wealthy b) didn't ask to use the account for other trips!
My dad was amazed when I took him and my mum in an uber for the first time, and exclaimed that "you don't even have to pay!" Hmm sure!

Helplessfeeling · 14/12/2018 06:43

Perhaps offer to drive her around to help her, because believe me your DH will not be so understanding at you begrudging his elderly mum help when she needed it the most.

Well maybe he could drive his 'elderly' mother around himself? Why is it down to the OP, who presumably is at work herself?

GBPworries · 14/12/2018 06:48

Nightwatch999

Just remember OP this is your DH mum your slagging off. She has a mobility problem and still offered to pick your DS up for you, and here you are complaining about her using a taxi to get about

Perhaps offer to drive her around to help her, because believe me your DH will not be so understanding at you begrudging his elderly mum help when she needed it the most Are you for real? Have you comprehended any of OPs posts?

abbsisspartacus · 14/12/2018 06:49

I had sympathy for the mil until she used the account again AFTER she had been asked not to

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 14/12/2018 07:25

What, take someone else’s money without asking them? Sounds like a strange family that would do something like that.

Oh come on don't be ridiculous. My family would do this because we know what the boundaries are and know this wouldn't be a problem. I'd want my mum to use the taxi account because it's easier and no big deal for me. (In the same way I'd help myself to food in my mum's house etc it's not strange at all because we know it's no big deal to the other people). If my mum was popping to the shop and needed some cash she could grab it from my purse . It's different in OP's case as she made it clear she wasn't happy with this and did it anyway.

ciderhouserules · 14/12/2018 08:59

Seriously, Hairball? Your mum would go into your handbag, and your purse, and take money because she wanted to pop to the shops? (Incidentally, would you mind your MIL doing this?)

That's 2 things people will never do to me, even my kids don't go in my handbag without my express agreement. And preferably in front of me. And they certainly wouldn't just take my money from my purse without asking.

My MIL never offered childcare, and I never asked (she was/is useless with kids) so I was never in a 'favour-deficit' with her (or anyone else) but I know damn well that when I am a MIL I will never just take something from DS and DIL without agreement. And I am not far off the same age as OPs MIL.

Fluffyears · 14/12/2018 09:06

My mother would never do this unless she asked tourist but mil would be all over it. She’d have daily trips not thinking because she can’t comprehend that cars cost money as do taxis.

GnomeDePlume · 14/12/2018 09:16

Late 50s is not elderly. 'Struggling' is a painful knee. She is a retired doctor so not having to get by on the basic state pension.

She is guilty of a sense of entitlement. All the holidays, treats from M&S, taxis are just her due for 'all she does' for the OP.

Has she got new friends recently? My DM changed when she retired in her mid 50s. Her friendship group was older and DM started to take on the attitudes and behaviours of her new, older, friendship group.

onegiftedgal · 14/12/2018 11:20

I am really surprised by the comments on here that think it is acceptable for your MIL to use the taxi for her own needs at your expense. The fact that she has mobility problems and is elderly does not change the simple fact that she should have asked.
You both had an agreement and she has chosen to ignore it at the expense of your relationship.
I would just breezily say to her that would she prefer to give you cash or a cheque as you now have the details of her extra trips from the taxi company.
In the long run, it's probably cheaper to spend the money on getting her a mobility vehicle - perhaps she could pay half?

MrsFassy · 14/12/2018 11:26

@Nightwatch999 I said posts, plural. The MiL is far from elderly.

Tinkobell · 14/12/2018 13:16

Bloody hell how depressing. I've just turned 48 and still feel like 32........in less than a decade seems like much of the world will perceive me as 'elderly' !

WilburforceRaven · 14/12/2018 13:59

No matter what, I'd cancel the taxi account today.

DeepanKrispanEven · 14/12/2018 14:11

i read her post, she is still elderly, retired and struggling.

Elderly? In her 50s? That's completely bizarre.

StormTreader · 14/12/2018 14:53

I suspect personally that your MIL has just got into the habit of thinking of you as having plenty of money to burn with all the foreign holidays and shopping and treats.
If her husband was well-off as well then shes probably used to having people around her who can throw the odd hundred about without really caring, plus its a nice little ego boost to have "a son who's doing so well".

You may have to sit her down and explain that all the expensive trips and treats are due to you budgeting, not just because you have stacks of spare cash taking up room.

ElektraLOL · 14/12/2018 16:45

It's not ok to steal from anyone however comfortable they appear to be!