to think MIL has ripped the piss?

[taxiforMIL]

Please help me to see straight with this.

My MIL picks my DS up from school on a Monday. DS is in P4 I so this arrangement has been going on for the best part of 3 and a half years since DS started p1. She always walked to to the school to collect him but since Easter she’s had bother with her knee and hasn’t been up to walking the distance to the school.

We offered to send DS to afterschool care but she insisted he came to her so we offered to pay for her to pick him up in a taxi (she doesn’t drive) and bring him back to hers. All seemed ok.

We decided that instead of giving MIL money every week we’d set up an account with the local taxi company and I’d pay the bill monthly. My DH knows the guy who runs the taxi firm so was no bother to set up. We explained to her what we’d done and the account was to cover her journey to and from the school to collect DS.

Anyway, to the main issue. Since April, I’ve been calling monthly to settle the bill and it’s always been roughly the same amount, give or take a few pounds.

I called at the end of Oct to pay the bill and it was higher than usual but I was busy at work at the time and assumed that there had been a delay at school one day or something had happened. Admittedly I forgot to ask DH about it. I called at the end of November to pay the bill and it was even higher again! For instance, say the bill is normally £30 a month, it was £45 in October then £75 in November. I didn’t pay the November bill there and then as the man in the office couldn’t tell me what journeys had been made on the account.

I rang my DH and explained to him about the bills shooting up and he phoned MIL who said she’d been using the account to get out and about and she didn’t think we’d mind a few extra pounds on the bill.

My DH said to her that she’s spent roughly £60 on taxis on an account that she knows was set up solely to collect DS from school.

She is indignant about the whole thing and even used the account again after we’d told her.

WWYD? I’ve told my DH that I want DS to attend
Afterschool care. It’s cheaper than £75 a month 🙈

Wow! you begrudge your free childcare provider a measly amount because she’s become disabled...not to mention now damaging her bond with your child, by taking her away. Very glad I’m not in your ‘family’

That’s a complete over reaction to say the MIL is stealing and to imply she is a thief. I’m sure she incurres expenses which she doesn’t charge the Op for when minding her DG. What about food and drinks and heating or treats.

she has benn providing free childcare for YEARS which they accepted.

RTFT. She's only been doing it since the boy started school, once a week, before that, he was in nursery. When she started experiencing knee pain the OP (and her husband) offered to put him in afterschool club but she insisted on still having him so they paid for the taxis, even though it's more expensive than the club.

She has no intention of stopping the taxi use.

I'm sure the OP is not acting unilaterally by now putting him in afterschool club so she can't take the piss with the taxis.

It might be a “measly” amount to you Dolly it will be a significant amount to others.

Regardless it wasn’t agreed and it isn’t budgeted.

What about food and drinks and heating or treats.

The OP brings food and goodies from M&S every week.

And from the sounds of it she's not 'disabled'.

Copper bonnet in comparison to what OP has saved by getting free childcare it IS a measly amount.

We have offered to pay MIL and she has declined. What we’ve done instead for her is take her on holiday with us when she’s fancied the destination (Florida, Berlin and Majorca being the last few) and my husband regularly takes her out for dinner.

To be honest, I do that with my parent(s) and it’s nothing to do with payment in kind for childcare / showing appreciation - it’s just because she’s my mother!

Copper bonnet in comparison to what OP has saved by getting free childcare it IS a measly amount.

The childcare they did not ask for and for which the MIL declined payment. And the amount has been increasing. And they never know what it will be. At least with paid childcare you don't get a shock every month.

Yeh, it’s theft - log it with 101

Wow the vitriol directed at the OP here is unreal.

All this “you should be grateful for the free childcare” bollocks, the MIL is the child’s grandparent. It’s what grandparents do and what she wanted to do. Besides which there is a vast vast difference between e.g. begrudging the MIL a cup of tea and a sandwich in their home for instance and being miffed at the MIL spending money on an account they set up for her to collect their child. The former would absolutely be grudging and ungrateful, the latter is taking advantage on a spectacular scale.

Also, if she’d said “oh, I went out and about a few times so the account might be a bit higher,” chances are that the OP would have been understanding, but to just not mention it and to then become indignant when it was mentioned to her is underhand.

My parents would do and have done absolutely anything for me, including coming up here out of the blue to run my household when I was rushed into hospital a few years ago, and driving me to hospital appointments now etc. As far as I’m concerned, what’s mine is theirs and anything in my house they are welcome to e.g. food,drink etc etc. But there is absolutely no way on this earth that either of them would draw money out of my bank account without discussing it with me, which is essentially what the MIL has done here.

She is way, way out of line. This could so easily have been resolved if she’d just been honest,but she hasn’t. As such I would be cancelling the account even if it meant that I drove up there occasionally to take her out etc. But she sure as hell wouldn’t be having free access to my money.

My MIL is not disabled - she has some knee pain.

She is a retired healthcare professional and still works on a consultation basis so is also not short of a bob or two.

If she’d asked for me to pay for her taxis I’d have thought it really strange but would have done it. Like I said, we ensure that she’s compensated through holidays, meals out and bits here and there from the likes of M&S.

The Mil has not saved the Op £1400 at all - afterschool and ds taxis cost about the same

And that is the taxi just for ds not Inc Mil freebies

My MIL insisted on having my kids when I went back to work after having them. In fact, with DS1, she hounded me so much for a date for when I would be going back I ended up going back earlier than I wanted to just to get her off my back which damaged an already fragile relationship for a long time. Things are ok now.

The routines have varied over the years, from DS1 two days a week to each DS once a week, and now DS2 once a week. I won't deny that it is helpful, but we were quite content to put them in nursery. It was at her request, demand and insistence that she have them. She also insists now, on having DS2 much later than I would like. She gives him tea and brings him home around 6.30pm, whereas I would prefer to pick him up on my way home at 4 o'clock. But it keeps things harmonious and there's no point in rocking the boat.

If she were to turn around and demand money, or to take something in the manner of the OP's MIL, then I would fuck her off in a heartbeat. Yes, her having my DSs is really helpful, and yes, it has saved us thousands in childcare. But it was all at her insistence. She has made me ill at times with her demands at seeing the kids. She fucks up one bedtime a week with her demands and insistences (6.30 drop off has now become an hour seeing the boys, meaning bedtime doesn't get started properly until getting on for 8pm, by which point they're exhausted but wound up and I often don't get them to sleep until gone 9 but I have to let it go to keep the peace and it's only once a week yada yada - I am making changes in the new year). With the exception of the odd night of babysitting, which is rare (last time was probably back in February), we have never asked her to take them. It is always her request.

But I would end the arrangement tomorrow if she suddenly decided that having done all this meant that she could take our money in this way.

If we had this taxi set-up, or a similar thing, and she came to us and said "could I use the taxi account this week, my knee is playing up and I'm struggling" we wouldn't hesitate to say yes and at our cost. If she came to us and said "I'm a bit skint this month, could I borrow a few quid" we'd hand it over and not expect a repayment (unless it was a huge amount!). But if she came into our house and took the money "because she looks after the kids" she would not be welcome back.

OP, yours is a cheeky fucker, and she is worse because she has been told not to do so and has continued which goes to show that she does not respect you. I would put DS in ASC, and if you can't, then tell the taxi company that MIL is only to take taxis on Mondays to the school, and any other taxi journeys are to be billed to her directly.

I would also sit down with her and talk to her about why she thinks that this is ok. Maybe she didn't think you'd mind. She got away with it in October, so you obviously didn't mind, so she carried on. Maybe she just can't see what the problem is, if it was ok last month. Why did she think that she could use the account and bill it to you in the first place? Is she struggling? Maybe a solution can be found, with her paying half and her half or similar. A sensible, friendly conversation is needed, along with a re-drawing of the boundaries.

Just cut the thieving cow out. Do you really want a thief to have any input In bringing your child up? Surely it's this time that they develop a sense of right and wrong?

I wonder if teh posters on here would be so forgiving if it was the Dil taking the taxis that Mil had paid for.Im sure it would be fine,after all Dil has been bringing the MiL to hospital for any appointments.

Im sure Mil wont mind if Dil runs up a taxi account bill.After all dil helps her out.

I can't believe people are defending her. So she takes him about 4 times a month, you pay the taxi, and she thinks she can take a taxi whenever she wants and let you pay for It? No. If she wants money for looking after him then she can ask for a set amount but just using as much as she likes on the taxi account is out of order.

Hope you've put a stop to it now and arranged after school club.

Have you and your DH actually said bluntly to her that you aren’t prepared to pay for the taxis that she uses of her own bat and could she please pay for them?

Have you checked with the taxi firm that it is your MIL who is using the taxis for additional journeys? Seems odd to me that a company allows this. Could you let me know the name of the firm and your MIL’s name as I need a taxi on 31st December around midnight.

100% after school club!
She sounds like she's lost the plot.
I wouldn't be getting her any Xmas present either since she's ripped you off by over £50.

@Beansandcoffee

It’s definitely MIL who’s been using the taxi.

Also she has the same surname as us. So I guess that’s why they haven’t really queried it.

@sansou

Yes DH told her. And she did it again after that.

Cancel the account. Clear the balance and put your kid in a club, if she wants an allowance she should ask. Not just assume and take.

No wonder so many people have issues with their MILs if the replies on here are anything to go by
OP your MIL has seriously taken the piss. Use after-school club and reduce the treats

I think for me this depends on whether you can afford the extra cost of her taxis. If you can quite easily then I think you're being unkind.