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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think MIL has ripped the piss?

334 replies

taxiforMIL · 11/12/2018 22:47

Please help me to see straight with this.

My MIL picks my DS up from school on a Monday. DS is in P4 I so this arrangement has been going on for the best part of 3 and a half years since DS started p1. She always walked to to the school to collect him but since Easter she’s had bother with her knee and hasn’t been up to walking the distance to the school.

We offered to send DS to afterschool care but she insisted he came to her so we offered to pay for her to pick him up in a taxi (she doesn’t drive) and bring him back to hers. All seemed ok.

We decided that instead of giving MIL money every week we’d set up an account with the local taxi company and I’d pay the bill monthly. My DH knows the guy who runs the taxi firm so was no bother to set up. We explained to her what we’d done and the account was to cover her journey to and from the school to collect DS.

Anyway, to the main issue. Since April, I’ve been calling monthly to settle the bill and it’s always been roughly the same amount, give or take a few pounds.

I called at the end of Oct to pay the bill and it was higher than usual but I was busy at work at the time and assumed that there had been a delay at school one day or something had happened. Admittedly I forgot to ask DH about it. I called at the end of November to pay the bill and it was even higher again! For instance, say the bill is normally £30 a month, it was £45 in October then £75 in November. I didn’t pay the November bill there and then as the man in the office couldn’t tell me what journeys had been made on the account.

I rang my DH and explained to him about the bills shooting up and he phoned MIL who said she’d been using the account to get out and about and she didn’t think we’d mind a few extra pounds on the bill.

My DH said to her that she’s spent roughly £60 on taxis on an account that she knows was set up solely to collect DS from school.

She is indignant about the whole thing and even used the account again after we’d told her.

WWYD? I’ve told my DH that I want DS to attend
Afterschool care. It’s cheaper than £75 a month 🙈

OP posts:
Original poster
taxiforMIL · 12/12/2018 15:33

@otterturk

Would you use an account for your own ends without checking first?

I wouldn’t.

OP posts:
Copperbonnet · 12/12/2018 15:46

I think for me this depends on whether you can afford the extra cost of her taxis. If you can quite easily then I think you're being unkind.

Otter if your MIL occasionally helped herself to £40 out of your purse would you think that was ok?

Even if you could afford it?

timeisnotaline · 12/12/2018 15:55

What is the relationship with your ds and mil op? Would he be sad if you cut their time together off? (& yes I’ve read that it’s mils idea and she very much wants the time, I’m wondering about the other participant involved! )

Original poster
taxiforMIL · 12/12/2018 15:59

MIL and DS get on fine.

We try to see her at the weekends. DS sees my own parents a lot too.

My MIL is an intelligent, educated retired professional. She’s not a poor soul who needs a few quid here and there.

However if she’d asked, we’d have paid her taxi but thought it very odd.

OP posts:
WilburforceRaven · 12/12/2018 16:05

I hope you've at least cancelled the account. She can't be trusted and as pointed out if you pre-pay for just the journeys she could use it for something else.

I can't believe anyone defends her actions.

WilburforceRaven · 12/12/2018 16:08

You don't need to justify, OP, so many people just projected that she was a poor, frail, ancient widow who was using the taxi only to go to the doctor and hospital because otherwise she'd have to drag herself using only her arms.

I personally wouldn't accept or take money from my adult kids no matter how well they are doing unless I was without a penny to my name otherwise, much less allow them to pay for expensive holidays for me or multiple dinners or to taxi my arse 'out and about'.

proseccoaficcionado · 12/12/2018 16:50

Cancel the bloody account and don't tell her😈

delboysskinandblister · 13/12/2018 17:52

MIL has a secret assignation...Xmas Grin

dwab45 · 13/12/2018 17:56

She definitely is taking the piss big time. Stop the account and don’t tell her. Let her find out the hard way and use after school club

Postino · 13/12/2018 18:24

I can't imagine what would've been going through MIL's mind as she was being driven about at OP's expense without her knowledge.

Baffling!

I'm so baffled I accidentally typed that as ballfing!

GnomeDePlume · 13/12/2018 18:51

I guess that she charged an extra taxi a few months ago then it just snowballed. She has probably got into a habit of using the 'free' taxi regularly without really registering that the frequency and therefore the cost was starting to rack up.

If that was the case then she is possibly embarassed to have been caught out and is now lashing out.

HavelockVetinari · 13/12/2018 18:53

So what happened, OP? Did you cancel the cheque account?

BabySharkDooDooDooDoo · 13/12/2018 18:58

She had no right to use the taxi account for her own needs as it wasnt set up for that purpose

Carriecakes80 · 13/12/2018 19:03

I think I would be saying 'Hope you enjoyed your Christmas present for the next few years!'

Cheeky bint!

Cancel it immediately, what an awful thing to do...properly taking the Michael. x

JeffJarrett · 13/12/2018 19:08

This is possibly the most ridiculous AIBU I've ever read. So many people positively leaping to SO MANY conclusions... she's disabled, elderly, confused, forced into giving free childcare, poor and needs money and neglected, didn't know she couldn't use the taxis, being deprived from seeing her DGS, DS doesn't know anything about it all and OP is tearing apart the family. Plus the £2K they have saved in childcare over the years. HmmHmmHmmHmm

Jesus H Christ some of you need to get out more. It's like fucking Jackanory. I'd also like to know if your MIL's took a tenner out of your purse every week when you had told them not to, if you'd just let it continue ad infinitum.

OP, in absolutely no way at all are YBU. Do the after school club and see her at the weekends etc as normal, she's a cheeky fucker.

Larrythecat · 13/12/2018 19:17

YANBU. This is like opening a tab in the play area just so MIL can take your DS and feed him whenever he's hungry. Then she goes for coffee and cake on her own or with friends at other times and she does not tell you, charging the tab. It would be weird and you would expect to be told. If normal tab was £30 for two round trips 4 times a month (8 journeys), and last tab was £75, it means that she has added about 12 journeys on top of the 8 you were expecting. Totally taking the piss. She first added 4 journeys (October), nothing was said and she continued. You then mentioned that she should have told you, and she did it again. This is not ok in my book! She should have mentioned the first time she did it, as in "it's very convenient because I don't need cash and I can decide to take a taxi whenever, do you mind if I use it?".

Klmn · 13/12/2018 19:24

@Kool4kats & @Cherries101 I totally agree.

Surely op you could tell your Mil that you will be cancelling the taxi & visits with her grandson, extremely mean not to, and smacks of punishment, not only to your mil but to your son as well. I do hope you won’t need her to step in to help out, if you do go ahead with your plan.
She has been cheeky, and should have told you & your dh, but you know now, and it won’t happen again. 3.5 years of childcare v 2 months of free taxis to get out and about, 🤔 have a heart & stop being spiteful

PermanentlyFrizzyHairBall · 13/12/2018 19:25

Otter if your MIL occasionally helped herself to £40 out of your purse would you think that was ok?

This would be absolutely fine with me. If it was someone I had a close relationship with. I've had a housemate who would be close enough that we would just grab £20 out of each other's wallets to pay for a pizza etc.

The thing is we knew for a fact the other person wouldn't mind -not just because we could afford it but because we were close enough to each other to take the liberty of helping ourselves. Likewise if my mum had a taxi account I paid for she'd feel free to make a few extra journeys and she's know I wouldn't mind at all. The difference here is MiL kept doing it even when she knew for a fact OP DID mind.

Flooffloof · 13/12/2018 19:30

This would be absolutely fine with me. If it was someone I had a close relationship with. I've had a housemate who would be close enough that we would just grab £20 out of each other's wallets to pay for a pizza etc

Jeez I fell out with a friend for taking a £2 coin off my worktop and pocketing it.
If she had asked she could have taken it, it's the fact she just took it that incensed me.
She had no idea if it was min or my kids or had a purpose (pay the paper bill or something)
I still don't talk to her.

ILoveHumanity · 13/12/2018 19:30

To clarify, I wasn’t defending the mil... but two wrongs don’t make a right - as they say.

ILoveHumanity · 13/12/2018 19:32

I just feel some people wait for someone to do a mistake so that they can give themselves a chance to unleash all their resentment and do wrong by that person too.

sima74 · 13/12/2018 19:41

How much does your ds enjoy spending time with her? Does he look forward to her picking him up? If so agree on a little bit extra but put a cap on it. What she did was wrong though and she needs to understand that.

Original poster
taxiforMIL · 13/12/2018 19:47

I’ve really had my eyes opened since starting this thread Shock

I just wouldn’t help myself to money from someone’s purse without their permission - no matter how well I knew them! I don’t even take money from DH’s wallet without asking/telling him first. I would expect the same from him too.

I’ve also realised since starting this thread that I’ve not actually saved that much money by having MIL look after son rather than afterschool care when you factor in holidays, meals and shopping brought in for her. I don’t begrudge her that because she has done me favour but she’s been fairly rewarded. Spending my money without my knowledge and continuing to spend my money when asked not to is just ridiculous.

I’m going to see her at the weekend and I’ll speak with her then. I will explain why I’m so annoyed about it and, based on her response, I’ll decide what to do about childcare from there on out.

OP posts:
JS06 · 13/12/2018 20:06

The actions of your MIL would be a deal breaker for me. The taxi account would be closed forthwith and I'd be telling MIL exactly why.

She knows what she's been up to and the reason she kept quiet is because it's all underhand. It's wholly unseemly. If she'd behaved like that in the course of her employment she'd be in deep trouble.

For the record, if I was in this position, that would be the last of holidays at our expense for MIL too. What a woman. A mere youngster in her 50s, it's shameful.

I feel for you being hoodwinked by family. Good luck with the ongoing arrangements, I would factor her right out. What an example for your son, a cheating and scheming Grandma.

nailak · 13/12/2018 20:11

I really dont get why it would be an issue unless you were struggling with money and she was aware of this.
Your husbands mum cannot get about easily, why would you not want to do whatever you can to make her life easier and support her!
She's not some stranger, she's his mum!