to think MIL has ripped the piss?

[taxiforMIL]

Please help me to see straight with this.

My MIL picks my DS up from school on a Monday. DS is in P4 I so this arrangement has been going on for the best part of 3 and a half years since DS started p1. She always walked to to the school to collect him but since Easter she’s had bother with her knee and hasn’t been up to walking the distance to the school.

We offered to send DS to afterschool care but she insisted he came to her so we offered to pay for her to pick him up in a taxi (she doesn’t drive) and bring him back to hers. All seemed ok.

We decided that instead of giving MIL money every week we’d set up an account with the local taxi company and I’d pay the bill monthly. My DH knows the guy who runs the taxi firm so was no bother to set up. We explained to her what we’d done and the account was to cover her journey to and from the school to collect DS.

Anyway, to the main issue. Since April, I’ve been calling monthly to settle the bill and it’s always been roughly the same amount, give or take a few pounds.

I called at the end of Oct to pay the bill and it was higher than usual but I was busy at work at the time and assumed that there had been a delay at school one day or something had happened. Admittedly I forgot to ask DH about it. I called at the end of November to pay the bill and it was even higher again! For instance, say the bill is normally £30 a month, it was £45 in October then £75 in November. I didn’t pay the November bill there and then as the man in the office couldn’t tell me what journeys had been made on the account.

I rang my DH and explained to him about the bills shooting up and he phoned MIL who said she’d been using the account to get out and about and she didn’t think we’d mind a few extra pounds on the bill.

My DH said to her that she’s spent roughly £60 on taxis on an account that she knows was set up solely to collect DS from school.

She is indignant about the whole thing and even used the account again after we’d told her.

WWYD? I’ve told my DH that I want DS to attend
Afterschool care. It’s cheaper than £75 a month 🙈

Sorry, using the taxi for other reasons than picking up your child. Not a crime, IMO.

OP said she raised it with her DH and her DH spoke to his mother. So the conversation has been had, and it is the son who has done the talking. So far, so pretty much what everyone keeps saying they should have done

And the woman's in her 50s ffs! Some people do get old early due to health issues, sadly, but this one has a gammy knee. That's it. Last time I saw a woman under 60 referred to as "elderly" it was in a Jane Austen novel.

using the taxi for other reasons than picking up your child. Not a crime

When the Taxi account was set up for the sole use of collecting the child from school and the OP has already told her MIL that she doesn't want her using it for other things then yes it is a crime, it's stealing.

The fact is, MIL STOLE from OP by deliberately having these expenses put onto OP's taxi account WITHOUT telling her. How is that ok in some people's books?

If MIL had come to OP and said "OP, would it be ok if I added on a couple of journeys?" etc etc etc, then that would've been more appropriate than just stealing.

But I guess thievery is ok in some people's books.

I repeat, it’s your DH’s issue - it’s HIS mother so what’s his opinion on all this? We know yours, loud & clear - what’s his? Do you agree or disagree?

I’ve clashed with my MIL over the years and yes, it would be a CF action if my MIL did the same thing, especially considering she is fairly wealthy. But both DH & I would be focusing on her bad knees and how it affects the quality of her life (and more selfishly, how it might impact on ours). It’s his mother after all and it sounds as if you have a convivial relationship on the whole (going on holiday together for one). She might still only be in her late 50’s but please don’t take good health for granted. My FIL died in his early 60’s completely out of the blue.
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She is indignant about the whole thing and even used the account again after we’d told her

I think this is the bit that would upset me.

I could forgive line bluring with taxis - it's not something I'd personally do but can see how it can happen in some people's minds - but to keep doing it after it's been raised as an issue is the bit that's obvioulsy wrong to me.

sansou op might get run over by a bus tomorrow - whats your point?

Let her off stealing cos shes over 50 and might die soon?

@sansou I think when it involves their child it involves them both as parents.

The fact that your DH has had the conversation with her, and she is not sorry and has continued to use the taxi account for her own trips after knowing you were upset by the big bill makes her a CF.

For the records - I am late 50s, have a lot of knee trouble causing a disability (muscle disease plus catastrophic accident) and cannot get out and about. But I have never stolen money or had the massive entitlement that my family must pay my bills.

People here are being wilfully obtuse. MIL has taken the piss.

imho
She is being a cf.

She is the one who demanded that he comes to her on a Monday and not after school care. You were kind enough to set up a taxi account that costs more than after school facility.

MIL didn't ask if she could then extend the account to cover personal trips and ramped the costs up. Who knows if you have the budget for the extra expense.

As for the amount she save you in child care over how ever many years... do we really tot up everything we do for friends and family in terms of money? Every time we give a lift or bake a cake or fix a blocked loo or change the battery in a smoke alarm etc... do we really stop and think 'well, that saved €50 in call out fees for a plumber' or if you'd bought those cakes from a bakery it would have cost €20...'?

We don't all have money to show appreciation but most of us would give time and help out freely when funds are low.

A couple of hours after school one day a week is obviously something to be thankful for and bless MIL for having a great relationship with the child but she obviously enjoys it otherwise why demand he still comes to her instead of after school?

To assume the OP has the budget to fund 75 in taxi fares is very cheeky.

Have you asked your son what he would rather do after school ?.

What about alternating the days so he can experience both choices.

Are you short of money or can you afford to pay.

Your mil has been doing this free of charge I assume, perhaps its time to help her out as she is not so mobile.

However she was wrong to use your account without asking, maybe you could let her use the taxi for one shopping trip a week as a gesture, it would be a shame to fall out over this.

Yes, it involves them both as parents but the OP has not stated what her DP’s view is on this - only hers.

She says that her DP has spoken to his mother so what was the outcome? Did they actually agree on anything? She doesn’t say.

She has the Nov bill and we’re in the 2nd week of Dec - is she going to have a confrontation 2 weeks before Christmas over say £100 (which with all the information given so far - is not the end of the world). Yes, it took the piss a little but it’s 2 months - £15 and £45 extra totalling £60. MIL didn’t deny it and was affronted probably because she didn’t think it was that big a deal - after all, she has benn providing free childcare for YEARS which they accepted.

Is she actually going to say to MiL that she’s a thief and basically treat her like a criminal? Putting her GC into afterschool club will be punishing her and she’ll read it that you don’t want her to look after her GC because you don’t trust her.

Saying that, she might just think - you ingrates!

I’d be frothing at the mouth if it was my mother too OP. £75 a month is a lot! Nearly a grand a year. Technically it’s also fraud as she’s well away the account is for travel to your sons school only. If it was an employers account she was using they’d be calling the police and sacking her.

I’d be cancelling the account and using afterschool care myself

she’ll read it that you don’t want her to look after her GC because you don’t trust her

Well that would be true and entirely her own fault.

This is like reverse ageism. You can clearly do what the fuck you like without consequence if you're over 50 and everyone else is to blame for not helping you out in various ways.

I think this is always the problem with free childcare from grandparents.

She clearly feels like she has been doing you a massive favour by having your DS for free for many years and is thus "entitled" to a few free taxis from you. From your perspective you've been doing her the favour by facilitating her relationship with DGS even when afterschool care may have been more convenient.

Obviously she's totally in the wrong here, but I would try and tread carefully to preserve the relationship.

OP: My MIL stole from me is this ok? Then stole again when we asked her not to.
Posters: Yes of course she's entitled to because she's saved you a fortune, have you ever repaid her?
OP: Yes of course we have, we have spent a fortune on her
Posters: Oh well if you've spent that much then you can obviously afford it so it's still fine.

What planet do some people live on? You clearly aren't going to win here OP no matter what you do.

I think this is always the problem with free childcare from grandparents.

It's not been free and wasn't even needed, she wanted to do it!

Please do not forget this all came about due the health issues, not due to entitlement.

Please do not forget this all came about due the health issues, not due to entitlement.

It could easily have been avoided by MIL agreeing to the DC going to after school club. As said above, you can't expect payment for a "favour" no one asked for.

@ShartGoblin Yes, if you read the rest of my comment that is exactly the point I was making.

Agree with @shiveringtimber ......using contact with your DS as a kind of punishment would be unpleasant OP. If he goes to after school club, make it for all the right reasons, not because of some relatively petty scuffle over a small sum. She is wrong to have used the taxi, sure. But don't deny contact between them for that reason alone. Only last week, research showing that grandparent contact really helps children's mental health. I treasure the time our kids had with their GP's ......and I can't ever say nobody ever put a foot wrong over the years.

This is not 'clearly a problem with free childcare from gps'. I regularly look after my dgc. I don't think I'm entitled to anything - I do it because I want to help them out and I enjoy spending time with the children.

I don't believe many grandparents believe they are owed anything. Or would steal from their family. I certainly wouldn't.

Some people here seem to think a favour and helping out is subject to strings attached.

So because she does not get paid (money) for the childcare she can do whatever she likes?

Like op said this wouldn't stand in any other form of agreement.

She stole from them and then did it again after being talked to about it.

Whether she does child care for free or feeds the homeless it's stealing, wrong and is a misuse of trust! Stop trying to justify stealing.