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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think MIL has ripped the piss?

334 replies

taxiforMIL · 11/12/2018 22:47

Please help me to see straight with this.

My MIL picks my DS up from school on a Monday. DS is in P4 I so this arrangement has been going on for the best part of 3 and a half years since DS started p1. She always walked to to the school to collect him but since Easter she’s had bother with her knee and hasn’t been up to walking the distance to the school.

We offered to send DS to afterschool care but she insisted he came to her so we offered to pay for her to pick him up in a taxi (she doesn’t drive) and bring him back to hers. All seemed ok.

We decided that instead of giving MIL money every week we’d set up an account with the local taxi company and I’d pay the bill monthly. My DH knows the guy who runs the taxi firm so was no bother to set up. We explained to her what we’d done and the account was to cover her journey to and from the school to collect DS.

Anyway, to the main issue. Since April, I’ve been calling monthly to settle the bill and it’s always been roughly the same amount, give or take a few pounds.

I called at the end of Oct to pay the bill and it was higher than usual but I was busy at work at the time and assumed that there had been a delay at school one day or something had happened. Admittedly I forgot to ask DH about it. I called at the end of November to pay the bill and it was even higher again! For instance, say the bill is normally £30 a month, it was £45 in October then £75 in November. I didn’t pay the November bill there and then as the man in the office couldn’t tell me what journeys had been made on the account.

I rang my DH and explained to him about the bills shooting up and he phoned MIL who said she’d been using the account to get out and about and she didn’t think we’d mind a few extra pounds on the bill.

My DH said to her that she’s spent roughly £60 on taxis on an account that she knows was set up solely to collect DS from school.

She is indignant about the whole thing and even used the account again after we’d told her.

WWYD? I’ve told my DH that I want DS to attend
Afterschool care. It’s cheaper than £75 a month 🙈

OP posts:
KurriKurri · 11/12/2018 23:24

No i don't but I can't see how after school club is going to be less than £75 a month

Four days a month - that would be £17/18 a session, that's a very expensive ASC.

if you had been insisting she picked him up and looked after him for free OP, I might have a bit of sympathy for her, but it seems it is her wish to have him and you have offered to send him to ASC instead. So she is just helping herself to your money, which is pretty awful actually.

Original poster
taxiforMIL · 11/12/2018 23:25

I can see your side and also what Kool said. I think it’s a little unkind to begrudge her use of the account, but agree she should have asked.

I’m not paying for MIL getting out and about on the basis that I’m paying taxis for her to pick up my son.

I’m sorry if that sounds harsh but £45 a month for MIL’s taxis would equate to me paying over £500 a year in taxis for her to get about.

Am I the only one who wouldn’t do that?

OP posts:
Original poster
taxiforMIL · 11/12/2018 23:26

When I say £45 a month I’m basing that on the £75 minus the £30 I expect for the journey to the school.

OP posts:
dustarr73 · 11/12/2018 23:30

No put him afterschool club.The bill is nearly double that what it should be.Thats really taking the piss.

Just have a back up plan in case the afterschools not on.I cant see Mil willing to do it.

user1457017537 · 11/12/2018 23:33

Just put a limit on the taxi account of £30.
I can understand your annoyance but when you rely on family for favours they don’t really have any boundaries. You set up a taxi account and she is using it!

rainbowquack · 11/12/2018 23:33

I would not be tolerating that from anyone!

Knittedfairies · 11/12/2018 23:33

So having your son every Monday after school has given her free rein to call a taxi on your dollar whenever she feels like it? Blow that for a game of soldiers. You were quite clear that the account was solely in place for her to pick up your son one day a week, so yes, she is taking the piss.

justilou1 · 11/12/2018 23:34

Yeah - I'd be making other arrangements and letting her know why. The fact that she has continued to use the taxi service shows a level of entitlement. Do you pay MIL to look after your child though? Perhaps she is seeing this as payment.....

UpstartCrow · 11/12/2018 23:34

How do CFers do it? I almost wish I had their nerve.

Cherries101 · 11/12/2018 23:41

It costs me £100+ transport costs to have a nanny for one half-day of childcare (including food etc) for my dn. considering you don’t pay your mil anything and an afterschool dinner club is basically keeping your kid in a group school setting under the supervision of a teacher (and not anything like 1-2-1 care) I think you were getting a bargain with the mil. She’s disabled. She loves your son. She gives him 1-2-1 attention when you can’t. Pay for her bloody taxis.

arethereanyleftatall · 11/12/2018 23:43

At first I thought she was being a cf,but @Kool4katz does makes good point.
3.5 years of 39 weeks a year, 39 Monday's at £10 a day is £390 a year, so £1,400 saved.
Absolutely she should have asked first, but she's saved you £1400 over the years.

Pinkprincess1978 · 11/12/2018 23:47

It's theft. No matter how much she has saved the op she didn't ask and wasn't offered this so has stolen it!

I would and do a lot for my in laws and they for us. But if my in laws started using my account without my knowledge and continued after I said no I would be furious.

Looking after a child after school once a week is likely for my family members beneficial to both parties. Clearly the fact she had insisted having the child even after she was physically unable to collect proves she is doing this because she WANTS to not to do a favour and help save the op money.

If she wanted payment for this she should come out and ask they the op can come to some arrangement with her. She can't just take it!

ILoveHumanity · 11/12/2018 23:51

I’d let it go and tell her “ thanks for looking after my child for so many years, a few quid here and there is fine , you are worth more.

Just inform us next time so we can budget for it. We don’t mind including extra cash for you as you deserve it for your hard work”.

Yes i really would do that. I think cut her some slack and be tolerant of slight misunderstanding arising as she might be feeling a bit used and not appreciated and with a bit of kindness his could be fixed.

Only if she has a history of taking advantage would I let this be the last straw.

Onlyjoinedforthisthread · 11/12/2018 23:51

Cherries I don't care how much you do it don't pay your nanny but would you be happy for her to take an extra 20 a week out of your purse without asking?
And I'm sure I wouldn't want my child to have 1 2 1 care from a thief and that is basically what MIL is.

ILoveHumanity · 11/12/2018 23:53

Op let your husband deal with this and let him pay the difference alone if he can’t.

I really wouldn’t be ruining my relauronahko with her over this. It’s really understandable that she might’ve pushed the boundary seeing that she feels part of the club since she is doing things for free for you.

ILoveHumanity · 11/12/2018 23:55

Oh those calling the MIL are just too black and white...

I would Definately be annoyed but I would also be able to see it from her side , and deal with it as a misunderstanding or a phase of rebellion against not feeling appreciated and I would deal with it as such and let it pass

ILoveHumanity · 11/12/2018 23:56

Calling MIL a thief *

sockunicorn · 12/12/2018 00:04

i adore my MIL before anyone starts with the MIL crap...i think ANYONE abusing someone elses account is wrong. Anyone using something that costs someone else money without asking is a CF. is she struggles to get around then maybe she should pay for her own taxis.

RedAntsBiteHard · 12/12/2018 00:11

How is your relationship with your MIL on a wider level?

Is she generous with her time and love to both you and your child, can you afford the extra money, yes you might prefer a choice over how you spend your own money, but if my DM or MIL is the kind of woman who puts others first, I know I can rely on her at anytime and she'd willingly do anything for my family and I can afford it, I'd suck it up as part of the price of family.... I don't expect my family to charge me for every favour and I'd pick up little bills here and there for them. To me this is all part of the rub of families.... If I couldn't afford it, I would explain that, but at no point would I spit feathers over it...

Angiemum24 · 12/12/2018 00:18

Cancelling the taxi service is the right thing to do. She only wanted to take care of your son so she can swan about. You offered to put your son one afterschool club but she insisted.

Con artist or what!

Aridane · 12/12/2018 00:26

Like hell is it theft (well, other than of MIL’s tine Grin )

Aridane · 12/12/2018 00:27

So MIL has been collecting your DS from school for 3.5years, (free childcare) and you're whining about a few extra quid on taxi rides because she can't drive and is unable to walk due to an injury?
Sorry, but I think you're the cheeky fucker in this scenario.
MIL was doing you a big favour and is not your paid servant

I agree with koolkatz

timeisnotaline · 12/12/2018 00:28

As a knee jerk reaction i too would want to book after school care but really you should weigh up the cost saved over years, the benefit of one on one & grandma time, how much grandma wants it vs how much you actually wanted it, and the rest of your mil relationship. If you do stick with the arrrangement you could ask the taxi driver to cap the credit to £30 a month or whatever it should be. And make sure I offered mil a lift for errands etc regularly as it sounds like taxis are her only other option.

KeiTeNgeNge · 12/12/2018 00:34

Surely you could specify that travel in the account is only between point A and point B

Justgivemeasoddingname · 12/12/2018 00:46

I think your MIL has taken liberators here but also think you have been benefitting from her for a long time.
I would not fall out with MIL over this, I wouldn't really discuss it in case one of you does get upset and really don't think putting your ds in childcare is the right decision. I think that's a knee jerk reaction rather than dealing with it, and it will not help anyone.
I would suggest you hand over the £40 or whatever it costs you per month, and tell MIL you have left the account open, changed the details to her name etc in case she wants to consider keeping it open, and here is your contribution to ds's travel.
Rise above it.